Britney Spears released her new single “3″ this week, the only new song planned for her upcoming greatest hits album, The Singles Collection. Unfortunately, the single is about as interesting as a wet towel and sounds more like a raunchy nursery song than a rocking new hit for the troubled pop icon.

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Honestly, it’s not that Britney Spears sounds all that bad. After all, you could probably make a frog croaking sound like Celine Dion at her prime in a recording studio with a gifted sound engineer. Although she does sound a bit like a barbie on helium suffering from a major wedgie. And the tune is a tiny bit catchy if you like that sort of inane, ‘I’m too drunk to care what the music sounds like’ vibe.

The lyrics, however, are just too much. Yeah, we’re so very thrilled that she makes pathetic orgasmic noises in between singing about what sounds like a rather sedate three-way sexcapade. But seriously, it’s time to hire a new lyricist Brit-Brit if anyone is ever going to take you seriously. I mean, come on, “Livin’ in sin is the new thing (yeah)“?

Oh, wait, this is Britney Spears we’re talking about. In that case, carry on… We’re sure it will probably be a hit anyway.

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