Crimes Against Fashion: Mel B (Scary Spice) Edition

WOAH. Melanie Brown, they didn’t call you Scary Spice for nothing. What the fug are you wearing???! Guess the recession’s even hurting sci-fi costume designers, because the ingredients here cost about $6.99. Don’t think about getting NEAR Natalie Portman in this crap. She’d look down her nose on you anyways, but why give her more ammo? You’d get voted off the starship in a nanosecond. And why is that black snake curled up on your head?

The security dude behind you looks like he just got sucker-punched. The people behind the barricade are LAUGHING or in mid-WHA?, except for the lady with her eyes closed. She’s been blinded by the glare from the cheap satin. Lets see if this getup gets better when you pose WITH someone.

Wow. No it does not. Even though you managed to find the guy in the ugliest jacket, he comes out the winner in this pairing. He is thanking GOD you came along last night, so that the coat made from his daughter’s old Christmas dress isn’t getting any press. Much.