Reports are saying that Jennifer Aniston has been dumped by John Mayer. The Mirror UK says that after Stalker and John took a short break from each other, they made the break official. Rather, John did. Snarkista TOLD YOU this wasn’t gonna last!! All of those reports of the wedding and babies scared playah John off!

The mags had them virtually married off, with covers last week showing Jennifer in wedding gowns. Big, big mistake. Fire the publicist. Stalker might has well have gotten her shotgun out. Er, Snarkista guesses that in a way, she did. Saint Angelina and the holy twins made her snap, and she went into a full-court press.

Apparently Johnny wasn’t ready to commit to Jen at THAT level. And Jen just went and got her lips all pouted up! All those expensive beauty treatments (neccessary “tune-ups” according to Jen) weren’t enough to keep John at home. Shocker. Flypaper broke ALL the rules of snagging a man by freaking when he talked to other girls, stalking him night and day, talking about getting hitched, and trying to get preggers.

Learn something from this, Jen. Get the ring, keep it low-key, and hopefully make it down the aisle first. And don’t tell your “friends” all of your scoop ‘cuz they’ll run it to the Tabs and scare off your man!

Subscribe to Snark Food updates on Facebook, Twitter, Email, or RSS