Despite rumors to the contrary, Grammy award-winning musician John Mayer wants the world to know he is NOT dating The Hills star Kristin Cavallari. In a serious of lame jokes and lewd comments on his Twitter feed, John Mayer makes it clear he has not hooked up with Kristin Cavallari.

John Mayer, PR Photo

John Mayer, PR Photo

“Rumor control: How do I put this like a gentleman…I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari [sic] with my penis,” John Mayer posted on his Twitter feed about the rumors he is dating The Hills star.

Unfortunately, Mayer did not stop there. Apparently he thought this would be a prime opportunity to display his lack of skill as a comedian.

“I’m sure she’s a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together.” – Weird and slightly disturbing.

“My Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli.” Kind of gross and terribly outdated.

“I have never Bensoned her Hedges, nor have I attempted to Bartle her James.” – Bad punning taken to an awful extreme.

Take our advice John, don’t give up your day job. Comedy as a backup career is clearly not happening.

Subscribe to Snark Food updates on Facebook, Twitter, Email, or RSS