Katie Holmes Isn’t Cuttin’ It On Broadway

Duck, y’all, the wrath of Xenu is coming! NY Post’s Michael Riedel reports that when it comes to the Broadway box office, the current Mrs. Tom Cruise has NOTHIN’ on the FORMER Mrs. Tom Cruise.

Katie Holmes is starring in the revival of Arthur Miller’s “All My Sons” this fall, but production sources are worried ‘cuz advance ticket sales aren’t looking real good. “Where are all the Scientologists? Don’t they want to see her?” jokes one person, who is no fool and requested anonymity. The Sci-bots will make you DISAPPEAR if you eff with them.

Ticket brokers and group sales agents say interest in the Holmes show is: NADA, NYET, NEIN, NONE. “I bought 1,000 tickets to the show,” says one broker. “I still have them.” The advance sales for “All My Sons,” which opens in September, is said to be less than $1 million. Yikes! New mom Nicole Kidman racked up a $4 million advance in 1998, when she made her Broadway debut in David Hare’s “The Blue Room.”

Nic wasn’t a huge star then, but she was great in the play. Scalpers were getting $700 for seats in the balcony! Her career took off afterwards helped by the press love she got for her performance. And because she split with Tommy-Girl shortly afterwards.

Why is Katie trailing Nic at the box office? Well, there’s the obvious: TOM, who’s still trying to rebound from couch-bouncing with Oprah. Katie’s not a huge draw on her own ‘cuz she’s mostly famous for being Tommy’s beard, and the economy sucks.

Also not helping: the backstage chatter at “All My Sons,” is that the cast has been forced to sign confidentiality agreements. Shocker. Katie’s Scientology captors don’t want any press they can’t control. Great strategy, as usual. See how well it’s working for Tom? L. Ron’s brainwashing techniques don’t fly with the PR peeps, and journalists don’t take kindly to being threatened with loss of life as they know it. Ergo- crickets.