As you all know, dear children, Britney Spears’ mama Lynne has written a noble book called Through The Storm. Not just any book, but a piece of tell-all prose that highlights the troubles of being a child-pimp star mommy. Lynne’s book was all set to hit the stands around the time Britney went batshit crazy, so the release was pushed back to September 16th. More juicy stuff to spill! And spill she does.

Lynne has thrown HERSELF under the bus mom-wise, but hey…Brit-Brit has burned through some major coin lately, and a mom’s gotta have her spa days! Here are just a few nuggets:

Britney started drinking at 13, after she joined The Mickey Mouse Club. Lynne was one of those moms who didn’t really care as long as she was around for the drankin’. Hit me baby one more time…with vodka!

Lynne let Britney date an 18 year old football player when she was 14. Lynne was all for THIS genius idea, ‘cuz she wanted Britney to be popular! Kentwood family values! It was also cool with Lynne for Britney to spend the night with the jockstrap. Shocker when the dude popped Brit-Brit’s cherry! And you fell for that crap about Britney being a virgin when she was 14. Suckers!

When Britney was 16, she got caught with cocaine and pot while trying to board a private plane. By then, she was dating and sleeping with Justin Timberlake. In Britney’s room. ‘Cuz Lynne let them. But Britney was in love, y’all! Come on! A mom’s gotta have a heart! Have YOU ever had to argue with a 16 year old? Lynne rests her case.

Lynne blames Britney’s managers for turning her into a sex symbol at such a tender age. WTF?! Oh, and Lynne is really sad about her baby Jamie Lynn’s early knock-up too. Snarkista told you there is some hellacious crazy-juice in the Kentwood, Louisiana water. Obviously Lynne’s been guzzling that stuff for a LONG time. But go buy the book, y’all! Britney’s got some big doctor bills. And attorney bills. And child support. And…

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