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Paris Hilton Raps For Snoop Dogg…Yikes.


Paris Hilton decided it would be a good idea to rap for a clearly baked Snoop Dogg. Er, maybe she should stick to pop. In Antarctica.

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Lindsay Lohan DENIED By Chace Crawford


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Lindsay Lohan is skinny again, and you know what that means. Snarkista doesn’t care how many Big Macs Lindsay says she eats, she’s washing them down with the cokey-coke. Not the all-American kind, the Colombian kind. And this is why her gaydar is obviously broken.

La Lohan was out late in New York night before last, skanking around as usual. She heard that Gossipy Girl Chase Crawford was hanging at Justin Timberlake’s restaurant Southern Hospitality. Chase was with fellow pretty-boy Emile Hirsch having some drinks. Lindsay instantly went into stalker mode and busted up in there uninvited…and caused a scene. Chase and Emile were not amused, and high-tailed it out of there!

This would be a clear sign to sane girls that “He’s Just Not That Into You Especially Since You’re A Girl.” But this is Lohan we’re talking about. Brainiac thought it would be a good idea to follow the boys to Chase’s house at 6 a.m. Once again, denied! Chase’s peeps did not let her in.

Lohan either finally got the hint, or forgot what her purpose was, or got distracted by something shiny because she FINALLY quit trying and went home. All the way to California.

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Michael Jackson Is Auctioning Off Some Crap


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Michael Jackson is still broke because he didn’t get to star in “Confessions Of A Shopaholic”. This is a horrible crime, because NOBODY can spend money on crap faster than Michael.

He’s gonna auction off some of his crazy stuff because he is running out of storage now that he’s left Neverland, and because “it’s the economy, stupid.” Actually, it’s BEEN the economy for Michael, which is why he’s parting with his sparkly gloves. Maybe Michael should be considered a leading economic indicator, since he’s been in a recession longer than any of us.

In addition to the sparkly gloves, here’s some more of Jacko’s junk you can buy:
* Heinous signed painting of Mike dressed up like a queen king (above)
* Freaky “Grandmother” fortune teller
* Scary Michael J Robo-Head
* Fugly MJ Golf Cart airbrushed with Jacko as Peter Pan
* Tacky Rolls Royce that looks like the inside of Liberace’s coffin
AND SO MUCH MORE!
Sadly, the auction catalog does not show Jesus Juice among the 2000 items on the block. Maybe Mike will change his mind before the gavel falls in April.

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Snark Sightings


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The Unraveling Of Kanye West: Men Style

Princess Ri-Ri Is Pissed About Chris Brown’s Apology:
Extra

Lily Allen & Perez Hilton Have A Twitter Smackdown:
Celebrity VIP Lounge

Milo Ventimiglia & Hayden Panettiere Split:
Backseat Cuddler

Selma Hayek Bags Her Billionaire:
Behind Blondie Park

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Travis The Chimp Shot Dead After Mauling Woman: Video


News Of The Weird for today…celeb chimpanzee Travis the Chimp, star of Coke and Old Navy ads, went batshit crazy and gruesomely mauled 55 year-old Charla Nash in Stamford Connecticut. She is currently in critical condition.

The chimpanzee’s owner, Sarah Herold, called Ms. Nash to help her get Travis back in the house after he used a key to let himself out. Travis jumped on Ms. Nash and began biting and mauling her.

Ms. Herold called 911 when she was unable to pull the 200 pound chimp off of her friend. She then grabbed a butcher knife and stabbed her 15-year-old pet, whom she said was “like her child.”

THE HORRIFIC 911 CALL:

When cops arrived, Travis tried to get into one of the police cars, ripping off a side mirror, and trapping an officer inside. Police shot him several times when they were unable to subdue him. He returned to the house and died inside. Two police officers were also injured during the incident.

What set Travis off isn’t clear; he was being treated for Lyme disease, and one theory is that his medications may have played a role. He’d already been given Xanax by Ms. Herold earlier in the day because he was acting so agitated. What IS known, is that contrary to popular belief, Travis and Christina Aguilera’s husband Jordan Bratman are NOT brothers.

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Supermodel Kate Moss Knocked Up Again


kate-moss-jamie-hinceCocaine-lovin’ British supermodel Kate Moss is preggers with her second child, according to the UK’s News Of The World. The babe is reportedly due at the end of August, and Kate, 35, is expected to formally announce the pregnancy soon…ending weeks of speculation.

She already broke the news to close pals, who were sworn to secrecy. THAT worked out well. Sounds like somebody got a check from NOTW!

Kate and rocker boyfriend Jamie Hince of Kills are, of course, “thrilled.” And probably that TIRED celeb baby-news phrase “over the moon.” Kate already has a six-year-old daughter Lila Grace from her relationship with magazine publisher Jefferson Hack. (Priceless last name, dude.)

Stay off the blow, Kate. It’ll be easier if you keep away from your drug-bud/ex Pete Doherty. Just remember that video of Pete and Amy Winehouse scaring the crap out of the baby mice.

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Madonna Wants To Play Most Hated Woman In England


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Madonna is reportedly dying to make another movie, OBVIOUSLY not because of any past cinematic successes. No, Vadge loves anything that involves a camera (with Photoshop.) Her latest obsession is to play Wallis Simpson, at one time the most hated woman in England…because former Prince of Wales Edward VIII abdicated the throne for her in 1936.

Wallis was an American socialite, a commoner, who had an affair with the Prince before marrying him and keeping him smitten for life. For some reason, Madonna sees similarities between herself and Simpson, according to The Sun.

The throne-wrecker has been played by Faye Dunaway, Cynthia Harris and Joely Richardson in past dramatizations of her story. “A friend” of Vadge’s (that should narrow down the source considerably) says she sees Wallis as her next big film project. Supposedly she is as passionate about it as she was about playing Eva Peron in Evita. Sayeth the “friend”:

“Madonna said she is fascinated about this American commoner who refused to conform or offer explanations for her tangled love life.”

Despite these obvious similarities between the two, they still won’t bestow any acting ability on Madonna. Good luck getting this brilliance financed in THIS economy!

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