The Fashion Police were out in force last night at the Oscars, and it’s clear that many fashion “experts” are depressed about the lack of taste infecting more of Hollywood.
“Every year it’s the same story, with the flashy getting flashier and the trashy getting trashier,” said Melissa Rivers, in a special post-Oscars report for the TV Guide channel. “If nothing is done to level the playing field, we may never see members of the fashion underprivileged, like Lindsay Lohan and Pamela Anderson, make the transition from sham to glam. We can’t just assume that because Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Aniston, and Kate Winslet look amazing, everything is okay,” said Rivers, as celebrity stylist Phillip Bloch and In Touch fashion commentator Goumba Johnny shook their heads in agreement. “For every Sarah Jessica Parker, there’s an overdressed underclass of Mary-Kate Olsens and Paula Abduls.”
Moreover, a growing number of style analysts, including Melissa’s sidekick Jay Manuel, place blame for the current state of elegance squarely on the shoulders of the devastated celebrities themselves.
“It’s all about personal responsibility: pull yourself up by your own Choo straps,” Manuel said. “Courtney Love has her choice of any Versace gown she wants, but she chooses to look like she just stumbled out the back door of a methadone clinic. You just have to want to work hard and apply yourself.”
Melissa’s mom Joan Rivers defended the celeb slobs, insinuating they are fashion-disabled:
“I don’t believe for a minute that any of this is the celebrities’ fault. Who in the world chooses to present themselves like Sharon Stone? Who goes out and dresses like Tori Spelling on purpose? No one, that’s who! Gawd! It makes me sick!”
Meowch! Jessica Beil seemed to be the expert’s winner for female worst-dressed. Satin is rarely a good choice at any time, and her white Prada gown and messy hair made for a bad combo. Especially since she carried a black purse. FAIL.
Amy Adams got bad reviews for being boring, and for wearing a red gown with red hair. Yawn. There were far worse.
Snarkista thinks Beyonce should have won for the obvious House Of Dereon mermaid monstrosity she donned. Bee didn’t disclose the designer of the gown. We know why…it was Mama Tina. Thankfully we didn’t get a double-Dereon dose, as Solange was still locked in the basement. EPIC fail.
The men weren’t spared by Esquire, who gave Philip Seymour Hoffman their “worst dressed” for attempting a poor Mickey Rourke impersonation. Mickey himself did it better, earning him Esquire’s The “So Crazy It Just Might Work” Award:
There’s a secret method to Mickey Rourke’s off-white maverick play from Gaultier. See, his roguish, cavalier look follows a pretty standard blueprint: a scarf with a shiny iridescent shirt, glittering jewels (dog jewelry, to be specific), and the occasional rogue color. Nothing you’d let dad wear to a wedding, but when you’re a former boxer riding a huge comeback for playing a wrestler, you can get away with these things.
Stop holding your breath that Lindsay Lohan, the Olsen trolls, Pamela Anderson and Mickey Rourke will change their ways, fashion mavens. Some things are just meant to be.
Last night’s 2009 Oscars served up plenty of fodder for Snarkista, and patience, my dears, more will come (ahem, Sean Penn.) First up, though, is the excellent performance number starring Beyonce and the very talented Hugh Jackman. Although Snarkista’s not POSITIVE that Queen Bee isn’t lip-synching! She did give a big SPANK back to Etta James by singing part of “At Last” again. Nobody tells the queen what to sing!
Nothing like hopping on a trend after it’s left the station! Big Kim Kardashian and family obviously haven’t been watching the news, because the morons adopted a chimp. Yes, there’s nothing these famewhores won’t do!
Kim blabs in her blog:
Her name is Suzy, she is three years old, and she is a handful! She steals our BlackBerrys and climbs up my mom’s bed.
Having a monkey is a lot of work. Suzy always has her diaper on and we are the ones who have to change it!
It’s just like having an infant but worse because Suzy runs around like a teenager! She always needs to be fed, drinks out of a bottle and she loves Capri Sun juices!
I KNOW King Kong Khloe Kardashian is behind this numbskull move. She bonded instantly with Suzy. Upside: being chased around the house by a crazed chimp is an excellent workout. Just don’t get your faces torn off. Keep the Glock handy, girls!
A photo of Rihanna taken after she was allegedly beaten by Chris Brown has surfaced. TMZ got hold of it through a source…possibly one in the hospital Rihanna was taken to after the incident. Perhaps it was someone in the LAPD who cashed the check. No matter what, it looks heinous and horrifying, and won’t help Chris Brown’s defense at ALL.
Ri-Ri has a battered face with a broken nose, and is heavily bruised and swollen all over. Her lips are bloody and puffy, and it looks like there’s a slit on her left ear where Chris is rumored to have BIT her like he was effin’ Mike Tyson.
All of Rihanna’s friends are gunning for Chris- many have said his career is over because of the alleged assault. One thing’s over for SURE…Chris Brown’s squeaky clean reputation. Let’s hope that goes double for this relationship.
photo credit: TMZ
The family of Madonna’s latest boy-toy, Jesus Luz, says that Vadge has kidnapped their loved one! Jesus, who used to live with his family hasn’t talked to them in over 2 months. The last contact the family had with Jesus was a quick text he sent in December, telling his mom he wouldnâ€™t be home for the holidays and wishing the family a Happy Christmas.The New York Post reported this week that:
â€œThe hunkâ€™s mortified mom, Cristiane Regina da Silva â€” who is 14 years younger than Madonna â€” believes the pop diva has kidnapped her son, snatching him away to a New York love nest and controlling his every move,â€
OBVIOUSLY, Jesus is being held hostage. Vadge has headlocked him one too many times with her massive biceps, and he’s suffered a bit of brain damage. This is the ONLY logical explanation for his hotness hanging with Ms. Notness. When the gates open for Lourdes to go to school…run, Jesus, run and don’t look back…lest you turn into a pillar of stone. Vadge is that dangerous.
Katy Perry got super-sick after accepting the award for “Best International Female”. She had to rush backstage to throw up. Katy told the audience after winning her trophy:
“I’m so sick right now, but they said I should show up because something special might happen. Thank you to everyone at my record label.”
Tubby buddy Perez Hilton confirmed that she blew chunks, lovingly Twittering that he
“Just got a text from Katy. She had to leave the Brits after she won. She’s so sick that she puked backstage! ‘Punk rock.’ “
More like PUKE rock, girl. And no, despite what your eyes may tell you, Katy did NOT puke on her outfit. That’s just the way it’s supposed to look.
Evidence discovered in the woods where murdered toddler Caylee Anthony’s remains were found in December match identical items found in the house where she lived with her mother, Casey Anthony, and grandparents George and Cindy. Casey is locked up and charged with Caylee’s murder.
Hundreds of pages of documents released Wednesday by the State Attorney’s Office in Orlando show the same type of laundry bag, duct tape and plastic bag discovered at the crime scene were ALSO found in the house where Caylee lived.
In the newly released discovery there are photographs of the crime scene and more interviews, including an interview with Casey’s friend who says Casey had an emotional breakdown and “wanted to be committed”.
The evidence also contains Casey’s diary. She has some chilling entries, including one around June 24th, where she talks about trusting her judgment that she did the right thing, and that the ends justified the means. Coldhearted sociopathic bitch.