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Beyonce And Hugh Jackman Perform At The Oscars: Video

Last night’s 2009 Oscars served up plenty of fodder for Snarkista, and patience, my dears, more will come (ahem, Sean Penn.) First up, though, is the excellent performance number starring Beyonce and the very talented Hugh Jackman. Although Snarkista’s not POSITIVE that Queen Bee isn’t lip-synching! She did give a big SPANK back to Etta James by singing part of “At Last” again. Nobody tells the queen what to sing!

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Kim Kardashian Obviously Missed The News; Adopts Chimp


Nothing like hopping on a trend after it’s left the station! Big Kim Kardashian and family obviously haven’t been watching the news, because the morons adopted a chimp. Yes, there’s nothing these famewhores won’t do!

Kim blabs in her blog:

Her name is Suzy, she is three years old, and she is a handful! She steals our BlackBerrys and climbs up my mom’s bed.

Having a monkey is a lot of work. Suzy always has her diaper on and we are the ones who have to change it!

It’s just like having an infant but worse because Suzy runs around like a teenager! She always needs to be fed, drinks out of a bottle and she loves Capri Sun juices!

I KNOW King Kong Khloe Kardashian is behind this numbskull move. She bonded instantly with Suzy. Upside: being chased around the house by a crazed chimp is an excellent workout. Just don’t get your faces torn off. Keep the Glock handy, girls!


New Rihanna Beating Pic Looks Really Bad


A photo of Rihanna taken after she was allegedly beaten by Chris Brown has surfaced. TMZ got hold of it through a source…possibly one in the hospital Rihanna was taken to after the incident. Perhaps it was someone in the LAPD who cashed the check. No matter what, it looks heinous and horrifying, and won’t help Chris Brown’s defense at ALL.

Ri-Ri has a battered face with a broken nose, and is heavily bruised and swollen all over. Her lips are bloody and puffy, and it looks like there’s a slit on her left ear where Chris is rumored to have BIT her like he was effin’ Mike Tyson.

All of Rihanna’s friends are gunning for Chris- many have said his career is over because of the alleged assault. One thing’s over for SURE…Chris Brown’s squeaky clean reputation. Let’s hope that goes double for this relationship.

photo credit: TMZ


Madonna Kidnapped Jesus


The family of Madonna’s latest boy-toy, Jesus Luz, says that Vadge has kidnapped their loved one! Jesus, who used to live with his family hasn’t talked to them in over 2 months. The last contact the family had with Jesus was a quick text he sent in December, telling his mom he wouldn’t be home for the holidays and wishing the family a Happy Christmas.The New York Post reported this week that:

“The hunk’s mortified mom, Cristiane Regina da Silva — who is 14 years younger than Madonna — believes the pop diva has kidnapped her son, snatching him away to a New York love nest and controlling his every move,”

OBVIOUSLY, Jesus is being held hostage. Vadge has headlocked him one too many times with her massive biceps, and he’s suffered a bit of brain damage. This is the ONLY logical explanation for his hotness hanging with Ms. Notness. When the gates open for Lourdes to go to school…run, Jesus, run and don’t look back…lest you turn into a pillar of stone. Vadge is that dangerous.

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Katy Perry Barfs At The Brits


Katy Perry got super-sick after accepting the award for “Best International Female”. She had to rush backstage to throw up. Katy told the audience after winning her trophy:

“I’m so sick right now, but they said I should show up because something special might happen. Thank you to everyone at my record label.”

Tubby buddy Perez Hilton confirmed that she blew chunks, lovingly Twittering that he

“Just got a text from Katy. She had to leave the Brits after she won. She’s so sick that she puked backstage! ‘Punk rock.’ “

More like PUKE rock, girl. And no, despite what your eyes may tell you, Katy did NOT puke on her outfit. That’s just the way it’s supposed to look.

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Duct Tape Found On Caylee Anthony’s Remains Matches Evidence From Home


Evidence discovered in the woods where murdered toddler Caylee Anthony’s remains were found in December match identical items found in the house where she lived with her mother, Casey Anthony, and grandparents George and Cindy. Casey is locked up and charged with Caylee’s murder.

Hundreds of pages of documents released Wednesday by the State Attorney’s Office in Orlando show the same type of laundry bag, duct tape and plastic bag discovered at the crime scene were ALSO found in the house where Caylee lived.

In the newly released discovery there are photographs of the crime scene and more interviews, including an interview with Casey’s friend who says Casey had an emotional breakdown and “wanted to be committed”.

The evidence also contains Casey’s diary. She has some chilling entries, including one around June 24th, where she talks about trusting her judgment that she did the right thing, and that the ends justified the means. Coldhearted sociopathic bitch.

Click here to read the discovery documents and see the pics released today.

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Paris Hilton Raps For Snoop Dogg…Yikes.

Paris Hilton decided it would be a good idea to rap for a clearly baked Snoop Dogg. Er, maybe she should stick to pop. In Antarctica.

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