Professional Stalker Jennifer Aniston says she couldn’t be happier for her ex Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. A pal of Jen’s tells Us Weekly that “she hopes the twins are beautiful”, and that “she’d never want anyone to be unhappy with their kids”.

Good Lord, that girl is worse than I thought. All of those $20,000 a month beauty treatments I’ve been hearing about DEFINITELY were not for beautifying anything INSIDE. Like Angie and Brad wouldn’t love the babes if they WEREN’T beautiful. Whatever, Jen! Little Miss Shallow would have celebrated her eighth anniversary with Brad Pitt on July 29. If she hadn’t been such a piece of effin’ flypaper.

We all know Heidi Montag professed her political love for John McCain a few months ago, and declared she was on his side! Now, Heidi’s been brown-nosing Meghan McCain, John’s daughter. This is NOT a good thing for John. He needs to re-watch the Jib Jab video!

Heidi was lunching with Meghan yesterday, and the effin’ famewhore says she’s hoping to hit the road to do some stumpin’ for McCain! Montard told E!-

We’ll see, We’re just so busy, so we’re trying to figure out our schedules.

Snarkista expects the “we” is Heidi and Spencer, not the royal “we”, OR Heidi is insufferably talking about herself in the third person. Which is entirely possible.

Heidi says she and Meghan have become “good friends” since first meeting less than three months ago at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner in Washington, D.C. Who in the hell invited Heidi to THAT event? Guess somebody bailed at the last minute.

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David Archuleta’s Official MySpace has his musings on the American Idol Tour, progress on his album, and his excitement that his version of Imagine was used on So You Think You Can Dance last night. Take it away, Archie!

Hey everyone. I tried to put up a video blog from last night while I was in the dressing room at the E center in Utah, but with my luck I can’t get it uploaded. I’m going to try and put it up later anyway because it was an exciting moment, but sorry everyone for not being able to get that up. The shows were great though! I was so happy to be home and see everyone there, and how much support the crowd gave to everyone.

I’m in LA for the time we have off right now and have had a couple of meetings involving the album, which were fun. Our next show is in St. Louis, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never been there so it should be fun to see the big arch there haha. Anyway I’ll try to get that blog up, even though it’s not fancy or anything haha, so you guys can at least see it soon.

Oh one more thing. On So You Think You Can Dance a couple named katie and will danced to my performance Imagine. I thought that was way cool! Haha. They did awesome. I feel… Like honored lol. Ok sorry i’m out of it right now so have a good night everyone.

Won’t SOMEONE please help little Dave learn how to videoblog so he can upload his exciting moments and spend less time writing?

Katy Perry’s Boyfriend Is Obsessed: Idolator

Andy Dick’s Pervy Mugshot is #1! Gravy And Biscuits

Jennifer Aniston Has Twins Too! House Of Babes

Pete Wentz Is A Seamstress: ONTD

Matthew Broderick Could NOT Take It Anymore: 7 Confessions

Stephen Colbert And The Rest Of The Emmy Nominees: No Fact Zone

Lindsay & SamRo Keep Up The PDA: Socialite Life

Nooooooo, Katie! NO! INTERVENTION! If this has something to do with your
mini “singing and dancing” guest appearance on “Eli Stone” this season, you better HOPE they haven’t filmed it yet. Ken Paves could do better than this. Flapper? Early Paul McCartney meets a curling iron? 1970′s Susan Sarandon?
FIRE THE STYLIST. And unleash Tom on the media to suppress this picture.
With great concern,
Snarkista

When Madonna gets on a press roll, she just can’t stop! She’s a media junkie of EPIC proportions! Marie Claire UK is reporting that Madge wants to reunite Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake. People have been trying to do this for YEARS, mostly ‘cuz they think it would bring Britney back from crazytown, but apparently Madonna thinks SHE’S the one who can do it.

Madonna reportedly wants the pair to join forces for a HUGE finale in her Sticky & Sweet upcoming tour. We know Madge already has Britney on board. Brit-Brit’s filmed a super-sexy bit for the tour, which is gonna be shown on a gi-normous screen behind the stage. Some have reported that Britney will make an appearance in person at some shows, but other reports deny that Brit will join Madonna on the tour.

As the A-Rod scandal cools off a bit, and her widely reported divorce speculation leaves the front page, Madonna’s cranking out some new scoop. Gotta milk that tour for all she can! Now she wants to get Justin Timberlake to perform with her too. He WAS heavily involved in the recording of her latest album, Hard Candy. Madge thinks if Britney and Justin, who split 6 years ago, appeared on the same stage…it would make for a spectacular end for her show. She wants the two to hook up at her final US date in Miami in November. One source said:

“Madonna is always trying to raise the bar and Britney and Timberlake on the same stage would be perfect.They have both been asked but I think both are a bit reluctant. Britney would find it all a bit emotional and JT might not fancy it. More likely is that they both appear on different dates. But if anyone can make this happen, it’s Madonna.

It might be good for Madonna, but Snarkista doesn’t think it would be good for Britney. She’s never recovered from the breakup, which started her well-documented downward spiral. Poor Brit might get her hopes up that Justin would forget his wedding plans to Jessica Biel, and come back to her. Not gonna happen. Justin’s been over Britney for YEARS. Papa Spears should think hard about any plans to reunite the two, even if it’s just onstage. After all, Britney’s hair is looking pretty good right now.

Hide the kiddies! They better not make a life-size version of this one, or all the pervy grampas will be lined up at Toys-R-Us! Mattel calls their new Barbie “Black Canary” after the DC comic book character. Snarkista thinks they’re worried about competing with Bratz sales.

This slutty little tart hasn’t escaped the notice of some, who would rather their daughters NOT receive her as a birthday gift from the “wild friend”. There’s always a wild friend in the bunch; she’s the one mom tolerates for a bit, until she’s grounded for sending sexy pics to a 4th grade classmate. Just like Miley Cyrus does!

Snarkista assumes that S&M Barbie comes with the requisite accessories, namely a whip and some furry handcuffs. She’s wearing kinky fishnets, motorcycle jacket, black gloves and boots. She makes Kimora Lee Simmon’s “Baby Phat Barbie” look like an effin’ fairy princess. Better sneak a peek at that package from the wild friend before present opening time, mom!