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Katy Perry To Perform “Like A Virgin” At VMA Awards

British comedian Russell Brand reveals that Katy Perry, of “I Kissed A Girl” fame will give Madonna’s “Like A Virgin” a revival on the upcoming VMA awards. Russell says:

“There’s a lot of virginity and lesbianism going on at the show. The VMAs are going to be so great that Christina Aguilera is willing to risk her newborn baby’s sight!

Hmmm. Not so sure about the virginity part. Just sayin’! Christina is set to perform her new track “Keeps Getting Better,” and says:

You’re going to get a first look and a first listen at my new image and my new sound. The last album, the style and sound was about vintage glam – this one is all about the future. This will be his first time Max can watch me perform on television, but only for a little while because he’s not really allowed to watch television yet. I’ll make an exception for the VMAs.

Max’s eyesight is already ruined from getting punched every day by Christina’s funbags! Britney Spears will also make an appearance at the opening of the show, but the leaks say it won’t be a live performance. Russell says she WON’T be giving herself a head-shave or be serving canapes. Maybe Brit-Brit’s just gonna recycle her crazy elevator footage from Madonna’s Sticky and Sweet tour! Kanye West is gonna close the show. Let’s hope he is not still pissed.


Jose Canseco To Ruin His Life On “Moment Of Truth”

Further proof that steroids give you brain damage…baseball star and Surreal Life vet Jose Canseco has decided to go on the skanky TV show “The Moment Of Truth”. You know, the one where people get strapped to a lie detector and are asked about every personal aspect of their lives? The one where people RUIN their lives for about 25 grand? Yep. That show. Jose must REALLY be hard up for cash!

Jose is reportedly going under the spotlight to prove he DIDN’T inject steroids into Mark McGwire, or cork his own bat to enhance his performance. David Vassegh of 570 KLAC radio is reporting that:

Canseco already has taped the episode and according to my source that was in attendance during the taping Canseco was asked if he ever injected Mark McGwire with steroids, and if he ever corked his bat, among other questions that were asked during the taping. The episode of “The Moment of Truth” with Canseco is supposed to air in late September or early October.

Jose will be asked questions before the show while on a polygraph, and during the show. He will then answer those same questions on stage. If his answers on stage match the polygraph results, he moves on. If they DON’T match, Jose will make a fool of himself on national TV! Snarkista knows which scenario the producers are rooting for!

Maybe they’ll ask Canseco if he tried to blackmail Detroit Tigers outfielder Magglio Ordonez to avoid being mentioned in Magglio’s book. Reality TV isn’t worth a shizz unless it has a bunch of scandal! Since “The Moment Of Truth” is ALL scandal…it should make for quite a spectacle. Guess there’s a recession in Canseco-land too!


Anonymous Party Bailing Out Casey Anthony

UPDATE: 9/5 8:20 pm E.T. Casey’s out, and her “benefactor” is still anonymous, but 2 promissory notes for $25,000 each were signed by George and Cindy Anthony, Casey’s parents. The promissory notes were to 2 bond companies in Florida. What they put up for collateral for the notes is still unknown. Protesters are still outside of the Anthony house, where Casey, her attorney Jose Baez, and Casey’s parents are now. Police have asked the protesters to stop screaming, and to please keep their protests quiet. Celeb bounty hunter Leonard Padilla says that Casey has told the truth to her mom and her brother, but not to her father. He says the Anthonys are trying to make the best of it, that they’ve lost a granddaughter and don’t want to lose a daughter. Mother, father and brother have been served with subpoenas. Hence, the hiring of the criminal defense attorney by Cindy and George.

Looks like sociopath Casey Anthony is going to get sprung from jail…again. The stonefaced, stonewalling mother of missing 3 year old Caylee Anthony has apparently lucked out again. Snarkista hates to break the news, but the anonymous benefactor may be from Nashville…and looking for book and movie rights. The info is being kept close to the vest, but celebrity bounty hunter Leonard Padilla says calls came to him from a 615 (Nashville) area code. Leonard bonded Casey out the first time, but revoked his bond after DNA evidence was released that indicated Caylee had been in the trunk of her mom’s car, and was deceased.

A press release from Presscorp Media’s Todd Black states that 2 bond companies in Florida will hold the bond, which the anonymous party says is because “Casey’s constitutional rights have been grossly violated”. Guess little Caylee’s rights aren’t worth very much. This news comes after significant amounts of CHLOROFORM were discovered in Casey’s car by the FBI. The FBI also discovered Google searches on Casey’s laptop for Chloroform.

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Lynne Spears: Not Mother Of The Year

As you all know, dear children, Britney Spears’ mama Lynne has written a noble book called Through The Storm. Not just any book, but a piece of tell-all prose that highlights the troubles of being a child-pimp star mommy. Lynne’s book was all set to hit the stands around the time Britney went batshit crazy, so the release was pushed back to September 16th. More juicy stuff to spill! And spill she does.

Lynne has thrown HERSELF under the bus mom-wise, but hey…Brit-Brit has burned through some major coin lately, and a mom’s gotta have her spa days! Here are just a few nuggets:

Britney started drinking at 13, after she joined The Mickey Mouse Club. Lynne was one of those moms who didn’t really care as long as she was around for the drankin’. Hit me baby one more time…with vodka!

Lynne let Britney date an 18 year old football player when she was 14. Lynne was all for THIS genius idea, ‘cuz she wanted Britney to be popular! Kentwood family values! It was also cool with Lynne for Britney to spend the night with the jockstrap. Shocker when the dude popped Brit-Brit’s cherry! And you fell for that crap about Britney being a virgin when she was 14. Suckers!

When Britney was 16, she got caught with cocaine and pot while trying to board a private plane. By then, she was dating and sleeping with Justin Timberlake. In Britney’s room. ‘Cuz Lynne let them. But Britney was in love, y’all! Come on! A mom’s gotta have a heart! Have YOU ever had to argue with a 16 year old? Lynne rests her case.

Lynne blames Britney’s managers for turning her into a sex symbol at such a tender age. WTF?! Oh, and Lynne is really sad about her baby Jamie Lynn’s early knock-up too. Snarkista told you there is some hellacious crazy-juice in the Kentwood, Louisiana water. Obviously Lynne’s been guzzling that stuff for a LONG time. But go buy the book, y’all! Britney’s got some big doctor bills. And attorney bills. And child support. And…

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Carrie Underwood vs. Jessica Simpson…It Is ON!

Jessica Simpson just CAN’T stick to The Rules regarding boyfriend Tony Romo. Now she’s calling him her “FBD”– Future Baby Daddy. But… she says Tony doesn’t know. Make that Tony DIDN’T know. Girl, please! Call Stalker Aniston and get HER copy of The Rules, ‘cuz she obviously doesn’t use it.

The catfight between Tony’s ex Carrie Underwood and Jessica is getting hotter too. Underpants says Tony does still secretly call her…despite what Jessica thinks. Guess he has a secret phone and Jess can’t snoop on its call log! You KNOW Jess is tearing Tony’s place up right now trying to find that sucker. What’s worse is Carrie called Jessica FAT. MEOW!!!!! OK magazine quotes a friend of Carrie’s who says:

She finds Jessica’s love of putting her life on display pretty desperate. “She laughed at the People cover, because it’s the same one Jess did about John Mayer — same smile, same look, except she’s a little fatter.

Hahahahaha!!! Carrie’s also dismissed Jessica’s country makeover, and regards her as rookie fluff that is NO threat to her on the country charts. Which is so true. Trust Snarkista…a major smackdown is on the way between these bitches! Carrie will have her Louisville Slugger out, but Jessica will stun her with massive farting. Her farts may smell like roses, but they’re still deadly!


Tougher In Alaska: Sarah Palin’s Convention Speech Video

Well, last night was one for the history books. Rudy Guiliani teed it up, and Sarah Palin knocked it out of the park. Snarkista gives Sarah major props for grace under fire, an excellent speech, and for kicking some media ass. Her whole family was there to watch, including her parents AND hot future son-in-law Levi Johnston! You would NEVER know that Sarah’s teleprompter was way effed up, was broken at first, skipped around, and then went too fast. Did not phase the barracuda. Here’s the video of Sarah Palin’s speech last night at the Republican National Convention.

Snarkista knows that work/kids/life may not allow you the luxury of time to watch the entire speech, so here is the text transcript of Sarah Palin’s convention speech at the Republican National Convention.

In case you missed it, here is Joe Biden’s convention speech video.

Pictures of the Palin Family and Levi Johnston with John McCain from last night.


McCain Campaign Threatens To Sue The National Enquirer

UPDATE-UPDATE: Definitely sic Sarah on them, John. It is all bullshizz. UPDATE: Screw suing the National Enquirer, John. Just unleash Sarah Barracuda on their asses! She’ll tear ’em a new one with a smile on her face. What’s the difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom? Lipstick.

The National Enquirer hit the web just hours before Republican VP nominee Sarah Palin‘s hotly anticipated speech tonight with some salacious statements. Supposedly, the print issue of the rag has more dirt on Palin. The Enquirer’s teaser says:

“The National Enquirer’s coverage of a vicious war within Sarah Palin’s extended family includes several newsworthy revelations, including the resulting incredible charge of an affair plus details of family strife when the Governor’s daughter revealed her pregnancy. Following our John Edwards’ exclusives, our political reporting has obviously proven to be more detail-oriented than the McCain campaign’s vetting process. Despite the McCain camp’s attempts to control press coverage they find unfavorable, The Enquirer will continue to pursue news on both sides of the political spectrum.”

The tabloid seems to be going full force into political expose, after being emboldened by the final fall of John Edwards. McCain is livid, and after four other magazines hit the stands today with Palin on the cover, he’s had enough. McCain has now threatened to sue the National Enquirer.
The campaign had this to say:

“The smearing of the Palin family must end. The allegations contained on the cover of the National Enquirer insinuating that Gov. Palin had an extramarital affair are categorically false. It is a vicious lie,” said McCain senior adviser Steve Schmidt. “The efforts of the media and tabloids to destroy this fine and accomplished public servant are a disgrace. The American people will reject it.”

The whole thing is a freakin’ feeding frenzy, and unless the Enquirer has some ironclad evidence, they’re gonna burn through any credibility they earned by outing John Edwards in his extramarital affair. The Palin family has been through a trial by fire this week, and Snarkista thinks that Ms. Tougher In Alaska is NOT gonna forget who was throwing chum at the sharks. Maybe give it a rest for a few days? Before some fool prints that Palin’s a guy? Geez.


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