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Crimes Against Fashion: Katy Perry & The Trannycats Edition



Betty Boop called and wants her Christmas outfit back, Katy. Miz girl-kisser joined the blindness-inducing Pussycat Dolls on the Today Show this morning. Jesse McCartney is squeezing his buttcheeks as hard as he can ‘cuz being the meat in a Trannycat sandwich is effin’ SCARY! Katy thinks they are REAL girls, hence the oblivious smile. If you wanna see a real girl group with real girls, Katy, check out Girls Aloud! The best way to spot the counterfeits is to study the genuine…just like bank tellers do. See, it works!

photo credit: socialitelife.com

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Jamie Lynn Spears? Kick The Man-Ho Out!


Snarkista’s told you what a poor excuse for a man Casey Aldridge, father of Jamie Lynn Spear’s baby is. Not long ago, Casey got popped in the press for cheating on Jamie Lynn with a MUCH older woman while she was pregnant. Now, ANOTHER slut has come forward, and this one cashed a check from the National Enquirer.

20 year old “beauty queen” Andrea Revels went to school with Casey, and says she’s been screwing around with him for 4 years. Andrea says that:

“Casey is a womanizer and a player who can’t keep it in his pants. Casey hit on me every time he saw me…He threw himself on me and foolishly we ended up making love almost every time. During our romance, Casey was sleeping with as many as four other girls besides Jamie Lynn. All Casey can think about is the next person he’s going to have sex with.”

Is Casey Aldridge the only man in Kentwood, Louisiana? ‘Cuz he’s screwing the whole frickin’ town. Snarkista said they need to check the crazy-juice levels in the water supply, but holy crap! Andrea helpfully confirmed what we all know to be true…that Casey’s only in it for the Spears cash. What a royal asshat.

Jamie Lynn’s been rumored to be having second thoughts about marrying the idiot, and if she goes through with it after THIS bombshell, she deserves what she gets. Get him the hell out of the house, Jamie Lynn, and use his public cheating to minimize any cash he tries to squeeze out of you. Lawyer-up with someone who DOESN’T advertise on billboards and cut your losses while you can.

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Sarah Palin To Be McCain’s VP: A Maverick Picked By A Maverick


“The women of America aren’t finished yet, and we can shatter that glass ceiling once and for all.” -Republican VP Nominee Governor Sarah Palin

Tough, smart, gorgeous and making history! Alaska Governer Sarah Palin is going to be John McCain’s Vice Presidential pick, edging out Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty, Tom Ridge and others. Fox News confirmed the pick from inside the McCain campaign and the official announcement is due shortly.

Sarah’s a marathoner, former sportscaster, hockey player, mother of five…and a very sharp cookie. She was elected Alaska’s youngest and first woman governor in 2006. Sarah and husband Todd Palin have five children: boys Track, 19, and Trig, 4 months, and daughters Bristol, 17, Willow, 13, and Piper, 7. Track Palin joined the Army last September and will deploy to Iraq on Sept. 11. Governor Palin gave birth to Trig, who has Down syndrome, in April.

Palin, 44, has an 80% popularity rating in Alaska…they absolutely adore her. Sarah flies commercial, drives her own Jetta, and has saved the state of Alaska hundreds of thousands of dollars in travel costs. She’s known for working with both sides of the aisle, taking on her OWN party on many issues, and being fiscally conservative.

More details as they come, and congratulations to Governor Palin!! Women everywhere have scored a BIG one today, and McCain has managed to pull off the biggest surprise of the campaign!

Here’s Governor Sarah Palin’s acceptance speech from this morning:


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Victoria Beckham Needs A Bath


Horf! Victoria Beckham stepped out the other night with an undesirable accessory…filthy ears. Nasty! The Posh one IS usually pretty shiny and in dire need of powdering, but this is just nauseating.

Miz Becks also effed up her self-tanner and ended up looking like a creamsicle. Not the best look for the aspiring fashionista. Vicki? When the papz are snapping your EVERY move you’d best check it good before you step out. Q-tip PLEASE, and hurry!

photo source: UK Daily Mail

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Jessica Simpson In Ontario: Worse Than A Train Wreck


Ouch. Jessica Simpson’s concert in Ontario Wednesday night is getting SLAMMED by the critics. Called “bizarre” and more like a “therapy session”, the show did not go over well at all. John Law of the Niagra Falls Review says:

“It might be unfair calling Jessica Simpson’s show at the Avalon Ballroom Wednesday a train wreck — at some point, a train knows where it’s going,”

Ha! Law said that Jessica’s ongoing banter with the audience was quite uncomfortable, especially when Jessica declared her farts smell like roses. Classy! Critics say she acts like she’s still living in a reality show. She obviously she hasn’t grown any more brain cells.

Jessica botched the revered Dusty Springfield’s name by calling her “Destiny”, and then proceeded to botch Dusty’s classic Son of A Preacher Man. Which happens to be one of Snarkista’s FAVE songs. Unconscionable! Jessica’s turned herself into Ellie Mae Clampett wardrobe-wise, but all the daisy-dukes in the world won’t hide the fact that she can’t carry a concert.

Jessica better clam up about Tony Romo too. She yammers on about him in concert, and she’s on the cover of People this week pulling an Aniston about their relationship. Bad move…a potential nail in the coffin. Time to re-read The Rules, Simpson! Snarkista assumes you CAN read. Guys may laugh at your farts, but they don’t wanna marry them. Blabbing about your relationship so publicly is ASKING for your man to turn and run. Hit the brakes, girl, or you’ll be singing “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry” back in spinster-land.

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Ali Lohan: Not A Supermodel.


What the eff is Supermodels magazine? Obviously it is SO elite that no one Snarkista knows has ever seen it. This would explain why Ali Lohan is gracing it’s cover…if one wants to put it that way. Those America’s Next Top Models (and Tila Tequila?!) in the collage are PISSED at Dina Lohan for paying Ali’s way in. Lindsay’s pissed that Ali’s not wearing her insane legging collection.

Ali poses about as well as a John Casablancas reject, and those hos will take anyone. ‘Cuz you have to pay THEM rather than the genuine supermodel way where the model GETS paid. This shizz is almost as fug as Heidi Montag’s new video. Almost. Ali wins ONLY because she’s not singing and the pics aren’t blurry. Thank God this won’t be staring back at us from the magazine racks, but Dina has PLENTY of copies if you want one.

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Solange Knowles Is House Of Dereon Victim


UPDATE!: Watch Solange show her ASS Wednesday in an interview with Fox News Las Vegas! The lesser diva got pissy with the anchorwoman after seeing a teaser regarding the closing of Jay-Z’s Vegas nightclub. The thing is, the teaser HADN’T aired! The rest of the story is here at Poptarts. It is NOT flattering. Bratz alert!!

Poor Solange Knowles either isn’t very swooft or she’s been brainwashed by evil sis Beyonce and fuggery designer mom Tina. They have foisted so many bad outfits on Solange that Snarkista is concerned for her mental health. Just look at what they did to her in her latest video! Criminal.

They have to talk her into wearing this shizz by telling her it’s cutting-edge, highly demanded House Of Derrierre couture, all while Beyonce cackles a witchy laugh. Solange doesn’t even get a new belt. She must not understand math, or she’d look at House Of Dereon’s books and realize that NOBODY’S buying that crap. You KNOW Queen B has to be floating mama to keep her out of the way.

Tina Knowles can only get Solange (and occasionally Beyonce) to wear her creations. Now, if you need some good cameltoe wear, or wanna look like Big Bird, RUN to Tina and she will hook you right up. But if Solange doesn’t watch it, she’s gonna become the next Juliet Lewis. That is NOT a good thing.

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