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Kelly Osbourne Has A Shiner

Kelly Osbourne looked like she picked a fight with someone and lost! She left her London home yesterday sporting a heavily bruised face. Kelly’s now a 23-year-old singer-turned-radio DJ. What’s with everyone in celebrity-ville becoming DJ’s now? Snarkista thinks spinning records is a lot easier than bagging a record deal. Poor Kelly had a bad looking black eye and a bandaged-up head as she left her flat to visit her doctor. Did she play the wrong song? Is this another Amy Winehouse attack?

Kelly may have looked like she’d been in a fight, but her spokesman said the contents of a cupboard fell on top of her. Woops! The Campbell soup one-two punch! Sounds like someone needs to call the maid to straighten out the cabinets. Kelly should tell the spokesbitch to shut up… that she and Amy had a smackdown and that Amy looks WORSE. With the way Amy looks these days, that should be an easy story to sell.

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Dr. Dre’s Son Andre Found Dead

Snarkista has sad news to report today. The son of infamous rap producer Dr. Dre was found dead at his home on Saturday morning. Andre Romelle Young Jr., 20, was unconscious and unresponsive when his mother went to check on him at approximately 10:30 in the morning. Paramedics were called, but were unable to revive him. Andre Jr.’s cause of death is yet to be determined, but foul play is not suspected.

An autopsy was conducted on Young’s body Monday, but the cause of Andre’s death is pending the results of a toxicology report, a representative for the L.A. County Coroner’s office told MTV News. The coroner’s spokesperson said that Andre spent Friday night with friends. His mother told police that he’d returned home Saturday at around 5:30 a.m., and she’d heard him in his bedroom.

Dre, whose given name is Andre Young Sr, is an award winning producer who discovered the group NWA, and became co-owner of West Coast record label Death Row records. Dre increased his fame for his discovery and production of Eminem.

Dr. Dre’s publicist Lori Earl issued the following statement today on his behalf: “Dr. Dre is mourning the loss of his son Andre Young Jr. Please respect his family’s grief and privacy at this time.” Snarkfood will follow up with more details as they become available. Snarkista’s prayers go out for the Young family at this extremely sad and difficult time.

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Workmen Try To Stop Madonna’s Workouts

Madonna has been forced out of her personal gym by the builders who are working on her NEW gym next door. The Vadge spent an astonishing $24 million dollars converting the house next door to her home in London into a state-of-the-art gym.

The Daily Mirror says she’s fed up with the noise, leering construction workers and crude comments when she walks by. MADONNA! Those dudes are NOT hitting on you! Your freaky body-builder physique is hurting their eyes. Those moans are from pain, and they’re begging you to STOP IT! We know you wanna get Britney Spears up in the gym too. Save yourself some time, ‘cuz there’s no way Britney’s gonna put the cheetos down, even if you get your whip out.

Madge spends a reported three hours a day on the treadmill, and apparently mistook the builders’ comments as sleazy. Girl, please. Those dudes don’t wanna bang on someone who could beat the living shizz outa them. Au contraire. They’re bravely trying to perform a public service.

Look, WE GET IT! You’ve been working out. It shows. Bodybuilding does NOT pay well! Now would you PLEASE put on some clothes?

With concern for global eyesight,

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Tom Cruise Can’t Sing, Still Has A Gay Old Time

Okay, this video isn’t from Tom Cruise’s last birthday in July, but it IS from his top secret birthday party aboard the Freewinds, Scientology’s asbestos-ridden (earthly) mothership. Snarkista’s watching the DNC and wanted to give y’all something to laugh at BESIDES nutty protesters calling Obama a warmonger (?)! Here’s Tom, with Scientology-boss David Miscavige glued to his side partayin’ down Tommy-Girl style. Big mistake to hand the mike to Tom for some “Old Time Rock-n-Roll”. Tom can’t really dance either. Enjoy!

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Will Michelle Obama Make A Baby Announcement Tonight?

Speculation is keen today that Michelle Obama is pregnant. Rush Limbaugh speculated on the topic this morning on his show…and wondered if Michelle may make an announcement during her speech tonight at the Democrats’ National Convention. The pic on the left shows Michelle in March, the pic on the right is from yesterday. She’s definitely put on some pounds.

Snarkista wonders if Michelle would really make such a spectacle of her speech, even if she IS pregnant. Still, if you subscribe to the “all press is good press” school of thought, it certainly would be front-page news. She definitely needs to make people forget some of her controversial remarks of the past, and a preggers announcement would certainly divert some attention! She WILL be making the case for “her man” tonight, and if her man’s been gettin busy, it would probably reinforce his family-man image. It would also highlight the fact that John and Cindy McCain are too old to be makin’ babies. One thing’s for sure, she won’t be talking about Obama’s birth certificate. Stay tuned…

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Paula Abdul Has A New Reason To Drink

On his radio show today, Ryan Seacrest announced that American Idol will have a fourth judge this year! The newbie is Kara DioGuardi, a singer, songwriter, producer and artist. She may be new to the Idol stage, but she’s a formidable force in the music industry. Fox says:

DioGuardi’s songs have appeared on more than 100 million records. Her songs have been recorded by Grammy award-winning artists including Kelly Clarkson, Christina Aguilera, Gwen Stefani, Celine Dion, Faith Hill, Carrie Underwood, Santana and Pink. Scores of major recording artists including Britney Spears, Avril Lavigne, Pussycat Dolls, Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, Natasha Bedingfield, Jewel, Ashley Tisdale, Katharine McPhee, Taylor Hicks, Bo Bice, Clay Aiken, Ashlee Simpson, Hilary Duff, Jessica Simpson, Kylie Minogue, Enrique Iglesias, Nick Lachey and Marc Anthony have also released DioGuardi’s songs.

Over the last four years, she has been awarded 10 BMI Pop Awards for having written the most performed songs on radio. From her catalog of several hundred songs, over 264 have been released on major labels worldwide; and over 165 have appeared on multi-platinum selling albums. DioGuardi co-owns Arthous Entertainment, where she develops and mentors fellow hit writers, producers and artists.

Wow. That is one HELL of a resume. Kara’s quite attractive as well! Paula is gonna look even MORE like a lightweight next to Kara. Randy will too. Here’s hoping for some great catfights between Paula and Kara, and for Simon to immediately begin seduction attempts. Must-see tv!

Read Hollywood Hills‘ take on the situation here!


Heidi Montag: Maxipad Aerobics

Douchess Heidi Montag shot a video for her heinous new song “Overdosin'”. Heidi decided to play an 80’s aerobic instructor! The shoot obviously took place in an apartment clubhouse with some z-list 80’s porn guys, like Mr. Goldlegs there. This shizz looks like velveeta with cheese on top!

Sadly, whoever was in charge of wardrobe forgot to tell Heidi not to wear a MAXIPAD with her leotard. They also made Heidi wear dirty socks. The video premieres tomorrow on Heidi’s website…if you think you can handle the “song” COMBINED with “Let’s Get Physical” flashbacks. And maxipads. Don’t decide until you try listening to the “song” by itself, ‘cuz it’s craptastic! Fair warning!
UPDATE: Double Warning On The Video!! Oh, my, lord. Forget waterboarding, send this shit straight to Gitmo. Snarkista is now physically nauseous because of the synthesizer stuck in her head. Damn you, Heidi!

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