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Woody Allen Seems A Bit Desperate

Scarlett Johansson is co-starring in Woody Allen’s upcoming “Vicky Cristina Barcelona” with Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem. Snarkista thinks Woody’s worried about the film’s box office, and has forced poor Scarlett into this idiotic contest! The look on her face says it all: “You’re effin’ kidding me, you ancient freak. I am NOT your stepdaughter.” Don’t ya know she’s SO looking forward to THIS impending threesome? Snarkista knows Scarlett is Woody’s muse, but muses deserve better than this. Pimp.

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8 Minutes Of Crazy: L. Ron Hubbard Tells What Tom Cruise Believes

The website Gawker continues it’s tradition of Scientology expose’ today, treating us to L. Ron Hubbard HIMSELF explaining ALL about Xenu! Everything you wanted to know, straight from the crazy commodore’s mouth! Picture Tommy and John Travolta furiously taking notes while Jada pulls Will Smith’s ears! Gawker’s “The History Of Xenu, As Explained By L. Ron Hubbard”.

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Bigfoot Press Conference: Are You A Believer? Video!

UPDATE: VIDEO!!!!!!!!!!The press conference held by the guys who say they discovered a Bigfoot in Northern Georgia is about to begin. Okay. Redneck Georgia dude is saying at first he didn’t believe, and is wearing a Bigfoot trucker hat. He isn’t gonna reveal the location…hmmm. To protect the species. Yeah. Now he’s pissed off Shep Smith on Fox cuz they don’t have the body with them. Great PR move!!! Where’s RickMat? Now Snarkista’s gonna have to do her OWN Bigfoot hunt for someone who isn’t pissed on TV. Atlanta’s WSB radio is broadcasting some on the news, they stream live. WSB’s reporter just said these incredible details: Bigfoot was found by a stream. They took some pictures and video. Bigfoot is in a safe-house right now. Heh. Screw WSB, now some dude is telling Snarkista how to put her mother-in-law in a retirement home in India. Wait a minute… maybe that IS worth a listen!

Here’s a video clip from the Bigfoot press conference! Details are below the video, as well as a link to the ENTIRE 45 minute press conference video.

The link to the ENTIRE 45 minute press conference is HERE.

Bigfoot dude Rick Dyer says:

“we’re not Bigfoot hunters originally, but we are now the best Bigfoot trackers in the world.”

Bigfoot dude Matt says he and his business partner Rick, wanted to get away for awhile so they went to the woods of North Georgia. He says the pair went deep into the woods, far off the main road, where they stumbled upon the creature. From there Matt waited with it, while Rick went and got a truck where they moved it out. While they were moving the body away from its location, they say three other Bigfoots were “paralleling” them as they moved out.

Matt is an officer on medical leave from the Clayton County Police Department, and Rick is a former corrections officer. The pair hope to win over skeptics when they present DNA, additional pictures and results from an autopsy to be performed next week. They also hope they make ASSLOADS of money.

Snarkista thinks they’re gonna need more than what they put out today…’cuz it was pretty lame. Well-played, though, in managing to get most of the media to show up- and especially well-played in hoaxing CNN into live streaming the sideshow!
The “Big Foot Field Researchers Organization(!) says THIS about the whole story:

The “Georgia Bigfoot Body” story is a hoax, started by two fellows in Georgia. The “body” is a widely available Halloween costume stuffed into a large cooler, with some animal entrails laid on top. This ongoing hoax is now being orchestrated by a notorious Las Vegas con-man named Carmine Thomas Biscardi.

Hmmm. Something smells. And Snarkista’s pretty sure it’s not Bigfoot! One thing’s for sure…it looks like there’s a cat bigfoot fight brewing! So, are YOU a believer? Or, is Bigfoot totally gonna be your Halloween costume this year?!

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Amy Winehouse Attacks Fan…Again

Amy Winehouse had another whack night last night and brought her Goddaughter along for the ride! Amy was headed to a fundraiser for her favorite pub, which burned earlier this year. She didn’t seem to appreciate the papz trying to get her pics, so she threw a bottle at them! Then, a fan in her 40’s touched Amy, seemingly concerned, and Amy went OFF on her! She slapped the fan, and royally cussed her out. Don’t touch Wino. She’s a traveling Superfund site, and your hand might dissolve. Also, what kind of mom lets Amy be Godmother to her daughter? OR, lets her hang at the pub while Amy DJ’s? This kid looks about 12. Those crazy Brits!

photo & source: UK Daily Mail

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Tony Romo’s Not On Line 1

Ah, you KNEW Papa Joe Simpson wasn’t gonna let Carrie Underwood get away with saying that Tony Romo still calls her! HELL to the NO! TMZ’s reporting that despite what Underpants told Allure magazine earlier this week, Tony’s lost her number…he says he DOESN’T call. Seems Carrie just can’t let the catfight go, not that Jessica Simpson didn’t egg her on with that “Real Girls Eat Meat” shirt. (If vegan-Carrie wasn’t in the picture, that would just seem porny. I digress.)

Carrie told Allure that Tony calls, but she doesn’t always answer. Er, guess that’s actually NEVER answers! Oops! Here’s a little secret: Snarkista had the fun of observing Carrie and Tony for an evening when they WERE dating. Let’s just say that Tony’s a very nice guy, and Underpants is a royal wedgie. Also, Carrie’s from Oklahoma and Snarkista’s a native Texan. Bish, plz.


Katie Holmes Is Responsible For This

Snarkista was all set to blame Tom Cruise for this unfortunate getup Katie Holmes foisted on us at the Tropic Thunder premiere. It has since come to light that Katie HERSELF designed this fuggery, and even has plans for more! Is Posh-envy behind this new inclination to design? In all fairness, Katie may have taken the navy duct tape Tommy-Girl uses to keep her from running away, recycled it, and made her own statement about bondage. Screw wearing your jeans, Tom!

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Julia Child: The Spy Who Cooked For Me

The CIA has just released the names of a number of famous people who led double-lives as…SPIES! During World War 2, cooking legend Julia Child secretly joined Supreme Court Justice Arthur Goldberg and Chicago White Sox catcher Moe Berg to help take down the Nazis!

Fox News reports that they served in an international spy ring called the OSS- an early version of the CIA created in World War II. Today, all of the names and previously classified files are being released, and identify nearly 24,000 spies who formed the beginnings of what is now the CIA.

The spy network included Arthur Schlesinger Jr., historian and special assistant to President Kennedy; Sterling Hayden, whose work included a role in “The Godfather”; and Thomas Braden, whose book “Eight Is Enough” inspired the 1970s television series.

Other famous people identified in the files include John Hemingway, son of author Ernest Hemingway; Quentin and Kermit Roosevelt, sons of President Theodore Roosevelt, and Miles Copeland, father of Stewart Copeland, drummer for the band The Police. Don’t Stand So Close To Me or I’ll Turn Your Ass In!!

The OSS members were sworn to secrecy, and were told not to talk to ANYONE about the moonlighting. Julia probably snuck some cyanide into a nice rosemary chicken for a gulag commander. Delightful!

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