Two California “researchers” and two dudes in Northern Georgia named Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer say they’ve got a dead Bigfoot on ice, and are gonna hold a press conference on Friday to reveal all. First of all, Snarkista is a little freaked ‘cuz Northern Georgia is not THAT far away from Nashville! Not that Bigfoot would be into music, but she’s just saying!
These guys are serious because they’ve formed a Bigfoot LLC., which means they have to file tax returns! The guys say they have DNA and a lot of other data. And, presumably the body in the freezer they have pictured here. The one they’ve named RickMat. (Rick + Matthew= Bigfoot). Their press conference is reportedly scheduled for Friday, August 15th at 12 noon P.T.
Their website, Searchingforbigfoot.com says the following about the freaky beast:
* It is male.
* It has reddish hair and blackish-grey eyes.
* It has two arms and two legs, and five fingers on each hand and five toes on each foot.
* The feet are flat and similar to human feet.
* The creature is seven feet seven inches tall.
* It weighs over five hundred pounds.
* The creature looks like it is part human and part ape-like.
* Its footprint is sixteen and three-quarters inches long and five and three-quarters inches wide at the heel.
* From the palm of the hand to the tip of the middle finger, its hands are eleven and three-quarters inches long and six and one-quarter inches wide.
* The creatures walk upright. (Several of them were sighted on the same day that the body was found.)
* The teeth are more human-like than ape-like.
* DNA tests are currently being done and the current DNA and photo evidence will be presented at the press conference on Friday, August 15th.
Have they considered that this may just be a relative of Christina Aguilera’s husband Jordan? ‘Cuz Snarkista just took Snarkista Jr. to college even CLOSER to Northern Georgia. Like she didn’t have ENOUGH to worry about. Damn you, Bigfoot!
Reports are saying that Jennifer Aniston has been dumped by John Mayer. The Mirror UK says that after Stalker and John took a short break from each other, they made the break official. Rather, John did. Snarkista TOLD YOU this wasn’t gonna last!! All of those reports of the wedding and babies scared playah John off!
The mags had them virtually married off, with covers last week showing Jennifer in wedding gowns. Big, big mistake. Fire the publicist. Stalker might has well have gotten her shotgun out. Er, Snarkista guesses that in a way, she did. Saint Angelina and the holy twins made her snap, and she went into a full-court press.
Apparently Johnny wasn’t ready to commit to Jen at THAT level. And Jen just went and got her lips all pouted up! All those expensive beauty treatments (neccessary “tune-ups” according to Jen) weren’t enough to keep John at home. Shocker. Flypaper broke ALL the rules of snagging a man by freaking when he talked to other girls, stalking him night and day, talking about getting hitched, and trying to get preggers.
Learn something from this, Jen. Get the ring, keep it low-key, and hopefully make it down the aisle first. And don’t tell your “friends” all of your scoop ‘cuz they’ll run it to the Tabs and scare off your man!
Is Paris Hilton ready to lead? In an answer to Paris’ bid for the White House, National Lampoon lobs it back to Funny Or Die with their OWN candidate: Britney Spears!
UPDATE: Shelley Malil has pleaded NOT GUILTY to attempted murder in the stabbing of his girlfriend. This despite the reports by at least two witnesses, one of whom disarmed Malil after he grabbed a SECOND knife to continue his assault. Snarkista smells an insanity plea coming. Malil is being held on $10 million bond after Superior Court Judge Marshall Hockett deemed him a potential flight risk during his arraignment Wednesday. If convicted, he faces a maximum sentence of life in prison.
The reported girlfriend stabbed by “40 Year Old Virgin” actor Shelley Malil last night near San Diego has been identified. TMZ’s reporting that her name is Kendra Beebe. They’ve also posted pictures of Kendra.
The National Ledger reports that Kendra Beebe is 35 years old, and was heavily bleeding by the time police arrived. Her 2 year old and 4 year old children were apparently at home while she was being attacked. The report claims that the knifing came outside of the house into the back yard, where a neighbor reportedly claimed that he saw the attack. There were reports of breaking glass heard as well as a woman screaming for help.
The victim was stabbed over 20 times according to the LA Times, and is in critical condition. San Diegoâ€™s NBC affiliate, KNSD-TV, reports that Malil arrived at the home and found his ex-girlfriend in her backyard with another man, grabbed a knife and began stabbing her while chasing her through her home. When the unidentified man tried to intervene, he was also stabbed in the hand. The attack was extremely BRUTAL, with a neighbor telling KNSD that “her chin was almost entirely cut off”.
Shelley was arrested after taking an Amtrak train to Oceanside. He was booked on “suspicion of attempted murder, mayhem and burglary”, is being held at the Vista Detention Center, and is due to be arraigned tomorrow morning.
Reports are varied, but some say the two recently broke up, while others say they were seen together this weekend and seemed as normal. Violence NEVER fixed a breakup. Shelley’s gonna be looking at some hard time if his ex passes away, and attempted murder ain’t no picnic. Crazyass better be on his knees.
Here’s Jake Gyllenhaall shirtless on the set of his upcoming (but pushed back to 2010) movie Prince Of Persia; The Sands Of Time. Jakey’s obviously been hitting the gym, and has possibly been up in the ‘roids! Jake’s also gotten hairier, OR he’s wearing a bad Hannah Montana wig. What Snarkista wants to know is:
Honestly y’all, this has been a hell of a week and it’s just Tuesday. Snarkista’s gonna chill a little with Coldplay’s latest…Viva La Vida…which means Live The Life. After all of the death and rumors of death, Snarkista feels like throwing some Life into the mix. Crank it up and think about whether Saint Peter will call YOUR name. And because hump day can’t come fast enough.