Heads up, New York City, today may be one crazy-ass day. One of Britney Spear’s personalities is gonna be shooting a video for Madonna’s upcoming “Sticky and Sweet” tour. Hopefully Madonna’s drivers won’t be the ones ferrying Brit-Brit around, ‘cuz somebody’s gonna get pancaked if they are! Madonna’s rep Liz is probably on I.V. Xanax right now after all the Madonna shizz that hit the fan LAST week. Now she’s got Britney on her hands. Liz’s pact with the devil contract is looking pretty crappy right now.

A source close to Britney revealed told The Sun they are recording a video together on Sunday that will provide the backdrop for part of Madonna’s show. Giant big-screen Britney? There better be some Photoshop MASTERS working on that one, as Snarkista doubts she’s lost the cheeto-belly since last week.

Madge is apparently considering adding a few Britney appearances to her tour as well. Of course, the details are vague, leaving plenty of wiggle room for “cancellations” should Britney not convert to Kaballah, or decides to revisit Mexico with Adnan.

He’s back, you know. Probably up in A-Rod’s batting cage trying to score Britney some of the ‘roids Madge uses to keep her freaky arms pumped up. You KNOW that A-Rod shizz wasn’t about the sex, cuz Madonna’s about as sexy as a box of Depends. ‘Roids are the ONLY thing quick enough to shape up Britney in time to pop in on Madonna’s tour…’cuz that Bally’s gym deal just ain’t cuttin’ it!

Snarkista’s fave part of the story, however, is that Madge is gonna have a scene in her show where she’s MUMMIFIED! Easiest special effect EVER. Watch your steps today, Gotham City.

It’s Friday! AND the Fourth of July!! What better time for a red, white and blue Friday’s Fifteen Minutes, where z-listers get some press while they try to go for twenty! The boys have been on a roll, but fear not…Ms. Marla Maples is at bat for the other team this week! The former Mrs. Donald Trump has been frolicking lately in a variety of bikinis, with no discernible reason other than someone has been taking her pictures!

Marla was Mrs. Trump between Ivana and Melania; she trolloped her way into the gilded palace of tackydom, got knocked up, and then flounced on out. She’s laid pretty low ever since, but for some reason she’s back. So… good luck to Marla with whatever she’s attempting; let’s hope it’s not an album or a sex tape. Happy Independence Day! And Marla? The clock is ticking!

Okay all of you greedy actors, call off your effin’ strike threat RIGHT NOW, because THIS is the kind of shizz that will happen if you don’t. Paris Hilton has an idea. Crap! What FAB timing that bitch has!

According to a Paris pal, Wonky got her annual idea watching both Dina Lohan’s and Denise Richards’ new reality series. Her plan? A show like The View. Only with celebs doing the yammering. Only God or the Screen Actors Guild can save us now.

Imagine Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, The Olsen Trolls, Tori Spelling…as well as skanky Denise, White Oprah Lohan and Nicole Richie along with whomever else they can scrape out of Hyde- together in one big shizstorm sharing ”their side” of what it’s like to be THEM. With Paris wearing a tiara. Bravo and Lifetime both have sniffed at the bait.

Snarkista doesn’t give a crap what it’s like to be them. She just wants them to keep it up so she can snark ‘em! But a cluster of the insufferable, whining about the papz, is the last thing even SHE wants to see on TV. Please, for the sake of all that is holy, ACCEPT THE EFFIN’ OFFER ON THE TABLE, SAGGIES, and lets get on with the REAL acting.

Great. Snarkista’s got the damn sparkles. Here comes a giant migraine.

Holy CRAP- Jennifer Aniston is one paranoid stalker. Her latest love John Mayer was playing his “Hard Rock Calling” gig in London’s Hyde Park last week. Jen saw z-lister Kimberly Stewart (Rod’s daughter) hanging out backstage (Kim’s main profession). Kim’s been rockin’ a new nose job, and looks MUCH better than she used to. Not that she’s a fox. Still, Flypaper Aniston went into freak mode.

According to the Mirror, Aniston ordered Kim BANNED from the backstage area – and Kim refused to listen! An insider tells The Mirror:

John clearly has a bit of history with the model, all hell broke loose when clingy Jen spotted 28-year-old Kim backstage while John was warming up. Ever the gent, John tried to defuse the situation by getting his security to boot out Kim. And as the bouncers chased after Kim, Jen, 39, eyeballed her rival to warn her off John.Jennifer spotted Kimberly and asked John what she was doing there. John and Kim know each other from clubbing in LA, but Jennifer doesn’t want anyone around who reminds her that he used to be a player. But Kim wasn’t giving up without a fight… Ten minutes after being told to leave, she was on the side of the stage, waving at John and cheekily catching Jennifer’s eye while she was taking photos of her fella. She had been told twice by security that she would be removed but she stood there bold as brass. Jennifer was on the opposite side of the stage and John felt like piggy-in-the-middle. He saw the tension and told his bouncers to get rid of her at all costs. Kim was pulled off the stage and escorted through the Hard Rock VIP tent with a face like thunder, shouting: ‘Why doesn’t he want me here? Is this because of her?’ She totally embarrassed herself, but Jen looked relieved.

Ha! John masquerades as a gent, but he’s a playah, and rumored to be quite the kinkster as well! Jen’s got a full-time job on her hands and she knows it. Snarkista thinks this one’s doomed, no matter how “in love” the two seem. Jen better hurry up with the knockin’ up, cuz John goes through women like BUTTAH!

Amy Winehouse fled her home yesterday after being placed under “house arrest” in an attempt to keep her away from the drugs. Good luck with that!

The cracked-up singer who just returned from her boxing match at Glastonbury, is being monitored round-the-clock. She even has a security guard stationed outside her home! That mother better be effin’ strong, ‘cuz when Amy’s flying high, she has SUPERPOWERS! Like Hancock!

The rent-a-cop didn’t do his job very well, because Amy managed to sprint out of the house and into a waiting car of her female friends, only to later be dragged home by her dad Mitch. According to onlookers, the car sped off for a 20-minute drive, only for Amy to jump out of the moving vehicle in Camden, North London, hurl abuse at her pals and run into the nearest pub. Mitch soon arrived to take her home.

Before the escape happened, Amy was reportedly heard screaming to be let out. An onlooker told Britain’s Daily Express newspaper:

“Amy could be heard pleading to be allowed out for some fresh air, only to be told to stick her head out of the back window. Anyone who rang her doorbell had to be given approval by the man on the door. He left after a few hours, only for another big guy to take his place.”

Record company bosses have made the decision to keep Amy in her home to keep her away from “undesirables”. Record company bosses need to wise up fast and realize the only thing that’s gonna keep Amy in place is a straitjacket. For real. Wino’s pissed that Prince William intercepted her stash order, and she’s got to come up with some more party favors for Blaaaake’s jail release bash! Mitch better get her into the padded room before Blaaaake gets sprung, because all hell’s gonna break loose when THAT happens. Rehab. A real one. With locks.

The upcoming 4th of July holiday is a photo-op WAY too irresistible for Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt to leave alone! You KNOW we’ll be seeing the douche-dressers up in SOMETHING. Will they outdo their staged Easter bunny shoot? Can they top their fake Mother’s Day pics? What Snarkista wants to know is….

Stalker Aniston To Be-Friend The Big Screen? Jossip

Spencer Pratt Milking Mary Kate HARD: Fatback Media

Rikki Rockett Gets Off: Bumpshack

Chris Brown’s Naughty Bits Are Tired: BringinDaNoize

Tila Tequila Is DENIED! Mollygood

Hottest New Fashion Out Of Texas: Fldsdress

Steve-O…Still A Lawsuit Magnet: ICYDK

No Pajiba Love For Hancock: Pajiba

A-Rod gets DUMPED! Sportsfiends