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Grace Jones’ New Video: Corporate Cannibal

Sweet!!!! Grace Jones is BACK. After a 20 year absence, her new album “Hurricane” is set to drop in October, and Miz Grace is in FINE form. Snarkista cannot believe Grace is SIXTY years old! She’s just launched her Myspace page. RAWR!! Here’s her latest video for “Corporate Cannibal”. Grace Jones proves once again that she marches to the beat of her OWN drummer, and quite a creative drummer it is. Bow down and pay your respects!

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Breaking- John Edwards: In A Hole, Keeps On Digging

John Edwards needs to get a clue and realize the National Enquirer isn’t gonna stop outing his ass until he fesses up completely. They’ve released new pictures of mistress Rielle Hunter and Edward’s “love child”.

John made a semi-confession to Nightline after The Enquirer splashed his infidelity all over the front page AGAIN, and the mainstream media FINALLY picked up the story. Since then, Edwards has been front-page gold for the mag, and this week’s print edition is no different. John told Nightline that he confessed his affair to his cancer-fighting wife Elizabeth in 2006. Reportedly, John neglected to mention that ELIZABETH was the one who brought it up, after a tip from a campaign staffer! The staffer walked in on John and Rielle and caught them in an “intimate moment”. Elizabeth, understandably, was FURIOUS.

While the Enquirer was dogging him, they discovered Edwards’ elaborate moves to cover up the affair, and, they say, the baby. Tons of money was involved, including a $50,000 private plane flight to get Rielle and the babe out of California when the shizz hit the fan. Bob McGovern, friend to both, arranged all of the meetings at the Beverly Hilton. (You’d think Edwards would be smart enough to at least mix up the meeting places…especially since the Enquirer was hot on his tail. Just another example of his incredible narcissism run wild.)

In the newest edition of The Enquirer, reporters tracked Rielle to St. Croix where they discovered Rielle and the baby staying in a luxurious oceanfront home owned by controversial trial lawyer Lee Rohn, ANOTHER close friend of Edwards. When confronted by an Enquirer reporter on August 15, Rohn snapped a terse “No comment!” when questioned about Hunter. Former Virgin Island Senator Anne Golden confirmed to the mag that “within 24 hours of their arrival that they were here and staying with Lee Rohn.” Guess she’s NOT on the Edwards payroll!

After the Enquirer found Rielle hiding out with Rohn, she was reportedly moved to a motel on the island before returning to Santa Barbara on August 17. A reporter for the mag saw Rielle back in her California home, which is being paid for by Edwards’ former finance chairman Fred Baron. She has an off-duty police officer guarding her house.

Quoth the Enquirer:

None of this is paid for by Rielle. The money continues to come from Edwards’s network of loyal supporters, with no explanation from Edwards why he is having his friends continue to support Rielle now that the affair has been made public. Edwards is not only aware of the hush money payoffs but orchestrated it with his team of former campaign advisors and now The ENQUIRER has discovered that a team of six more lawyers have been involved in the coverup and are funneling payments to Hunter, who has no money and no means of support.

The ENQUIRER has also learned that Hunter’s own lawyer advised her to allow Edwards to take a paternity test but she refused out of misguided belief that Edwards will marry her after the death of his cancer-stricken wife Elizabeth.

Experts are now calling for audits of Edwards’ campaign finances, as well as possible gift-tax violations by Fred Baron and other individuals who funneled money to Rielle. Snarkista’s said before…follow the money. The National Enquirer is doing just that. John’s troubles aren’t CLOSE to being over, and he’s still looking for a bigger shovel.


Lindsay Lohan’s Lust Gets DENIED By Michael Phelps’ Mom

Well, it’s official. Lindsay Lohan was raised in a barn. Olympic swimming superstar Michael Phelps‘ mom was doing an interview with Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush on Monday. Billy received a text message from Lindsay while on the air with Debbie Phelps, which he proceeded to show her. Mom was NOT amused. Why? Here’s Lindsay’s CLASSY come-on she wanted Debbie to pass on to Michael:

“Tell him he’s f***ng amazing, and I want to meet him.”

Except without the stars.
Mama Debbie went from happy to horrified, and declared:

“OK, Lindsay!!! — Delete! Delete! Delete!”

Delete indeed! Lindsay’s obviously trying to hook up with anything that breathes…of either sex. Dina Lohan is probably scratching her head at why Debbie Phelps is horrified. Dina would do the same thing, so what’s the big deal? White trash, my dears, will always be white trash, and Debbie Phelps can smell the trash from a mile away.

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Britney’s Bikini Cover

Britney Spears shows off her better bikini bod on the cover of this week’s OK magazine. Hopefully this will NOT be ammo for Brit to perform in a bikini again on the VMA awards! Still, Britney looks a lot better, and says:

“I’m the healthiest I’ve been all my life,” Britney, 26, tells OK!. “My diet has a lot to do with my getting into shape. I have no sugar. I don’t eat fruit or even fruit juice because of the sugar. I eat chicken and salmon and rice. I eat avocados. I’ll have egg whites for breakfast and sometimes turkey burgers for lunch. I try to do just 1,200 calories a day. It may sound like it’s not much, but it’s actually a lot of food if you eat the right things.”

Britney’s been seen wearing her bikini around lately, and it’s a welcome change from her not-so-distant flabby self. She’s continuing to work out and wants to be a healthy role model for her two boys. NOT mentioned is the cigarette part of her diet…ciggies always help with weight loss, but have the unfortunate side-effect of lung cancer. Keep the ciggies away from the babies, Brit, and that will do more than any diet to model healthy living!

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Crimes Against Fashion: Solange Knowles Edition

This should probably be “Crimes Against Fashion: Tina Knowles Edition.” However, Solange Knowles IS an adult, and presumably has the ability to say “HELL NO, MOM!” She didn’t, so Solange is charged with the crime. There is SO much wrong with Solange’s new video for her lame song “Sandcastle Disco”. Solange can NOT dance. (She can, however, play charades.) Snarkista’s not wild about her singing. But all of this pales in comparison to the horrifying costumes that have been foisted upon poor Solange.

To say they are fugly is being incredibly kind. We have Solange in a great imitation of a Goodwill cocktail dress. Solange in an outfit that is unclassifiable, but resembles a giant Barry Manilow “Copacabana” shirt. It’s yellow, and it’s trying to EAT Solange while she “dances” on a giant piano. Then there’s Solange as Big Bird. It is all unbelievably god-awful.

Solange hasn’t gotten the memo that the only thing she’s ever gonna star in is House Of Dereon ads. Big sissy Beyonce got that written in stone a LONG time ago. Poor Solange is relegated to pantomiming with backup girls who can also pantomime. It’s painful. Extremely painful. Solange? If your video looks like it was made by Sesame Street, you REALLY need to kick somebody’s ass. Here’s an even better idea. Get some revenge on Beyonce by “helping mama design”. That would be a hellofa lot more fun.


Bigfoot’s A Hoax, Pro Hoaxer Gets Hosed

All of the hoopla last week over the discovery of a Bigfoot in Northern Georgia turned out to be a big ole hoax. Shocker! The two Georgia dudes who “discovered” Bigfoot, Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer, pulled a fast one over on Tom Biscardi…who is described by some as a “Las Vegas con man”. Biscardi’s a Bigfoot hoaxer from way back, and runs the website (Warning: unintentionally hilarious!)

Tom paid an “undisclosed sum” to Matthew and Rick for their Bigfoot corpse and the privilege of holding the flop press conference last Friday. At the same time, Biscardi sent self-described “Sasquatch detective” AND host of “Squatchdetective Radio”, Steve Kulls, back to Georgia to check out the body. Sadly, Fox News reports that Steve did not have good news for Tom.

Basically, Steve thawed out the frozen “corpse”, and discovered that yes, it WAS a Halloween costume! Unfortunately for Tom Biscardi, Matthew and Rick are not answering the phone. They’ve gone AWOL with the cash! Snarkista thought something smelled in this whole deal. Asked for comment on Officer Whitton, Clayton County, Ga., Chief of Police Jeffrey Turner, corrected

“You mean ex-officer Whitton. As soon as we saw it was a hoax, I filed the paperwork to terminate his employment. For someone to do a complete three-sixty like that, I can’t explain it.”

Don’t believe Matthew did a complete 360, Chief Redneck. Re-do the math. As for Biscardi, this couldn’t happen to a nicer guy! Heartbreak clip below.


Jennifer Lopez On Michael Phelps: I’m The REAL Story

Insufferable diva Jennifer Lopez may have out-douched herself this time. MSNBC sources are reporting that the legend in her own mind got PISSY about all the attention Olympic superstar Michael Phelps is getting. Hahahahah!!!! J. Lo appeared on “Good Morning America” yesterday to pimp her prep for the upcoming Malibu Triathlon. GMA sources say that after the segment, diva was overheard saying she:

“couldn’t understand why everyone is talking about that swimmer. She couldn’t come up with (eight-time gold-medal winner Michael) Phelps’ name, and then she blabbed on about how SHE was the one training for a triathlon just six months after giving birth, and how that SHE was the big story right now, not ‘the swimmer.’ “

This is a new high in inches for how far J. Lo’s head is up her own ass. That’s gotta be worth at least a bronze medal. Bitch, get back to “training” in Central Park with your makeup artist, while Skelator follows you on the Segway. Snarkista’s pretty sure Phelps will say “Jennifer Who?” IF he hears the news. She seriously doubts he has that much free time.


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