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Cover Crimes: Madonna Edition



Oh, where to start. Fug, fuggity, FUG!! Madonna looks like a matador collided with Bugs Bunny in a 9-year-old’s party dress. GHASTLY! Major Photoshop going on here; the party dress looks pasted on as an evil after-joke, and Madge’s freaky-pumped arms are WAY toned down. Madonna says “turning 50 is all about an excuse for a party”…Snarkista’s terrified about what kind she’s dressed for.

Women and Home is a UK mag; the title sounds like those cheapie housewife rags at the grocery checkout. Menopause IS an appropriate subject for Vadge to have slapped near her ass. Snarkista doubts, however, that she “loves men because they do stupid things”. Madonna EATS men who do stupid things. This rag’s not Vogue, that’s for sure!

First she gets Britney to film the nasty with her for the big screen, then she wrecks A-Rod’s marriage, and now she’s scaring the shizz out of housewives. Madonna’s taking her “Sticky and Sweet” world-domination attempt a bit far, no?

photo credit: knockedupcelebs’ taylorblue

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Bernie Mac Is In Critical Condition With Pneumonia; Still Alive


UPDATE: As of 8:15 pm CT, Bernie’s condition is unchanged from “very, very critical”. Comedian Bernie Mac was rushed to the hospital Friday suffering from complications due to pneumonia. At the time, reports were just that he was in the hospital. Now, it seems Bernie is a in much more dire situation.

The Chicago Sun-Times is reporting that as of a few hours ago, Bernie Mac was still alive. According to the latest news report. Bernie Mac is in a hospital, in Chicago with pneumonia. The Sun-Times reports that Bernie was in “very, very critical” condition late Saturday at a Chicago hospital, according to a source who knows the comedian’s family. Prank calls to radio stations had news spreading around the net that Bernie had died.

His publicist, Danica Smith, said in a statement that the 50-year-old comedian is responding well to treatment. Smith said the pneumonia isn’t related to an inflammatory lung disease, sarcoidosis, that Mac also has. That condition, according to the AP, has been in remission since 2005. Bernie’s most recent gig was a big fundraiser dinner in Chicago for Barack Obama. Snarkista sends her prayers out for Bernie and his family. Get well, Bernie!

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Breaking: Interview W/ Miley Cyrus’ Hacker & He’s Got MORE!


UPDATE: 8/31/08…Miley’s hacker says he’s too scared to release more pix because Miley was 15! Okay, so pretty much everyone knows that Miley Cyrus got hacked, and the racy pics have been dribbling out over the past few weeks. Snarkista heard that Trainreq, the hacker, lives in Murfreesboro, TN. about 30 miles from Nashville. He’s the real deal. Miley’s PHONE didn’t get hacked, like the press has been saying. Dude hacked her email. He’s got more Miley, and is gonna keep leaking the pics like the bikini and underwear pics here, (and possibly emails) out. Here’s a breaking story, the video interview with the hacker who HOPEFULLY has taught Miley a lesson. But probably didn’t.

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David Cook And Michael Johns: The Bro-Dance Collection


MAJOR PROPS to Rickey for his FAB “Mavid” collection from the American Idol Tour! If you love David Cook and Michael Johns, you MUST check out the Bro-Dance video. Snarkista busted a gut, and it made her day!

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Enquirer’s Still On John Edwards: Hush Money Cover-Up Scheme


The National Enquirer isn’t letting up on Senator John Edwards, and now it’s reporting his mistress, Rielle Hunter, mother of his “love child” – has been secretly receiv­ing $15,000 a month as part of an elaborate cover-up orchestrated by the former presidential candidate. And STILL the mainstream media ignores the story. Except for Fox News. Edwards must REALLY have some friends in high places!

The money is reportedly being funneled to Rielle by a wealthy colleague closely tied to Edwards’ failed presidential campaign. This same man is said to be throwing cash at Edwards’ pal and former aide Andrew Young…who tried to take the heat off the ex-Senator by claiming HE’S the father of Rielle’s baby. According to the mag, Rielle’s baby is a girl named Frances Quinn Hunter and was born at Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital. They report a source very close to the situation says:

A super-rich pal – who was closely involved with the campaign finances – is helping John. It’s likely this man doesn’t know all the dirty details of John’s extramarital affair, but is acting out of loyalty and is not asking a lot of questions – only writing the checks

The year-long investigation by the magazine blew wide open the night of July 21 when its reporters caught Edwards making a secret late-night visit to Rielle and their infant child at L.A.’s Beverly Hilton hotel. Senator Edwards was confronted by reporters, but refused to answer questions and hid out in a public men’s restroom until security escorted him off hotel grounds!

Rich-boy Edward’s behavior is unconscionable. His wife Elizabeth is dying of cancer, and he can’t keep his pants zipped. Snarkista’s WAITING for the mainstream media to break their curious, complete silence on the story. Who else is getting paid hush money??!

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Paris Hilton, Comic Book Superhero?


MTV is reporting that Stan Lee is teaming up with Paris Hilton to turn her into his next superhero character. Whaaaa? Quoth La Hilton:

We’re developing that right now and just going over scripts and drawing my character. I fight crime. It’s not like your typical superhero, It’s me basically as a superhero, so kind of using makeup and compacts as weapons. It’s kind of like a spoof on a superhero.

Stan! You’re a LEGEND! You created Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, the X-Men, Iron Man, the Hulk, Thor, Daredevil, Dr. Strange, and many other awesome characters. Snarkista knows you’re getting on up there age-wise, so maybe Paris is trying to pull an Anna Nicole Smith on you. Hide the checkbook! And if you DO make Paris a spooferhero, name her Supervain or Stuporgirl or The Wonky. Benji Madden could be The Pudge. Pretty please?

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Hairspray’s Nikki Blonsky & Top Model Bianca Golden Arrested


You just can’t make this shizz up! Both ‘Hairspray’ star Nikki Blonsky and former “America’s Next Top Model” contestant Bianca Golden were arrested in the Turks and Caicos Islands Wednesday after allegedly getting into a physical fight with each other at the airport! Damn. If I’m a model who weighs 80 pounds, you can bet the last person I’m gonna pick a fight with is a 300 pound actress!

They were both charged with assault. Nikki was released on $6,000 cash bail — she’ll return to court on December 1. Bianca is due to appear in court on September 17. She was also released on $6,000 bail. Nikki appeared in court Friday morning sporting a neck brace, believed to be worn as a result of an injury suffered in the fight. Bianca must have put her in a headlock with her mile-long legs!

Nikki’s DAD, Carl Blonsky, allegedly involved in the altercation as well, was arrested and charged with inflicting grievous bodily harm. He’ll remain in custody and will be back in court on August 8. Bianca’s MOM, Eleine Golden was airlifted to a hospital in Florida after allegedly suffering a head injury in the fight. Miami CBS affilliate WFOR is reporting that she is currently being cared for in the ICU of a Florida hospital. Holy effin’ crap. Snarkista cannot WAIT to hear what the hell caused THIS family feud. Get Jerry Springer on the line, intern Seacrest. Must. Have. Video.

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