American Idol Elvis Night Blues

This week the top 9 contestants on American Idol wailed and whimpered their way through the songs of Elvis Presley. Even guest mentor Adam Lambert couldn’t save this show from being a torturous ride of badness from beginning to end. While a few of the contestants did well enough, overall it was one of the worst nights of American Idol we’ve ever had the misfortune to watch.

American Idol Top 9 (FOX)
American Idol Top 9 (FOX)

We always expect Crystal Bowersox to knock it out of the park and this week was no exception to the rule. Bowersox wisely followed Adam Lambert’s advice to go electric for her performance of “Saved” and the song choice suited her well. Honestly though, we’re actually starting to get a little bit bored by Bowersox. We know she’s going to be fabulous, but now is the time she needs to push it way harder. We don’t just want to watch her and say “that was terrific” – we want to hear her sing and be stunned into silence by her performance.

Andrew Garcia was one of our least favorite of the night with his take on “Hound Dog”.’s Jim Cantiello called it “cruelty to animals” and we have to agree. We love that Adam Lambert didn’t pull any punches with Garcia during rehearsal. “It’s boring,” Lambert told Garcia. “I was bored. I’m going to be totally honest with you. I know I can be straight up with you.” Sadly, Garcia apparently didn’t learn anything from Lambert’s words of wisdom when he took to the stage.

We were angry when Tim Urban actually didn’t suck completely on “Can’t Help Falling In Love”. We’ve been bashing this guy since the beginning and the past two weeks he’s actually managed to not have the worst performance of the night. We don’t agree with Simon Cowell that Urban has gone from a “zero to a hero” – but we humbly admit he is improving. That being said, he still sounds like a cheap knockoff of a drunken karaoke singer.

While Lee DeWyze impressed us a bit with his rendition of “A Little Less Conversation”, we still think he needs some serious lessons in vocal control. Still, we rate him probably second or third for the night.

Aaron Kelly‘s “Blue Suede Shoes” was a yawn and we’re pretty sure he is just continuing to skate through based on the “cute” vote. Kelly is the guy we consistently forget exists, which is just about the worst thing you can say about a singer.

We’ve always had a bit of a thing for Siobhan Magnus, just because she’s a little bit “different” than the usual Idol contestant, but her “Suspicious Minds” performance was trivial and uninspiring. Magnus has had her moments this season, but last night wasn’t one of them.

Michael Lynche gave us a happy moment with his version of “In the Ghetto”, but our love for Big Mike is starting to wane. He’s got a great voice, but it’s beginning to feel like he’s kind of a one-note performer. Even so, he still stands out among the guys as one of the few who does have a decent share of natural talent to work with.

Simon Cowell called Katie Steven‘s performance of “Baby, What You Want Me To Do?” “shrieky and annoying” and we’ll jump right on that bandwagon. We’re done with Stevens and we hope the American Idol viewers will be too as soon as possible.

The judges were not impressed with Casey James and his boring-as-hell take on “Lawdy Miss Clawdy”. We frankly wanted to fast-forward through it after the first few notes. We don’t hate James, but we feel he’s another contestant getting by on the “cute” vote. Then again, there are plenty of music industry ‘stars’ out there doing the same thing and making buttloads of cash.

We’re glad Adam Lambert was around this week to give us some entertainment on American Idol, because the contestants failed for the most part to do anything of the sort. We can’t wait until Lambert takes the stage tonight to show these losers how it’s really supposed to be done!

>> Previously:  American Idol Top 9 Prepare for Elvis Night

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American Idol Top 9 Prepare for Elvis Night

American Idol is bringing back Elvis Presley theme week for the first time since season five on Tuesday night. We just find it vastly amusing that Adam Lambert is serving as guest mentor this week. After all, Elvis Presley was pretty controversial and often quite racy himself back in the day. And Adam Lambert can certainly shake those hips just as much as Elvis did!

American Idol Top 9 (FOX)
American Idol Top 9 (FOX)

So what’s the scoop on what the contestants will be performing on American Idol 2012 for Elvis week? Well, we can’t tell you what songs they’ll be singing, but rumor has it Tuesday night is going to be very interesting indeed.

Casey James is reportedly planning an upbeat number accompanied by acoustic guitar while Andrew Garcia may be going instrument free and is practicing some new dance moves for his performance. Siobhan Magnus apparently gave some very strong vocals during rehearsals, but her song choice may not please the judges.

Katie Stevens has reportedly decided to belt her way through the week, while Michael Lynche is rumored to be going kind of “folksy” for performance night. Lee Dewyze is taking on a bit of grunge while Tim Urban is going for a sweet, ballad-like jaunt on stage.

Crystal Bowersox and Aaron Kelly will reportedly be rocking it out for the night. Bowersox will be bringing an electric guitar to the stage and showing off that powerful vocal range. Kelly is also supposedly ready to rock and as well, but we’ll see whether or not he can pull it off.

We’re looking forward to seeing what the American Idol Top 9 have in store for us tonight. We can only hope that Elvis week and Adam Lambert’s mentoring will bring out the best in the contestants!

>> Previously:  Why Was Michael Lynche Nearly Eliminated on American Idol Results Show?

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Wow! What An Idol Finale…Kris Allen Wins!

Last night’s finale of American Idol Season 8 was a nail-biter…even DialIdol, which has predicted every winner since inception, said it was too close to call. The show was packed with stars performing with many of this year’s contestants, and was one of the best I’ve ever seen. Kudos to the producers for a highly entertaining 2 hours. As Kris Allen’s mom said during the show, “I’m not nervous because this is a great show.” Kris’ dad put it best: “These are two incredibly talented, humble young men.” Kris Allen, the dark horse, pulled out the win over media (and Snarkista’s) fave Adam Lambert.

Gawker has a deliciously cheesy montage from last night!

Both guys are so gifted in such different ways, and both deserved to be up there competing in the final. Adam is a riveting performer with vocal chops that are unrivaled. Kris is a super-versatile musician, a great arranger, and is no slouch in the vocal department either. Adam and Kris will both have fantastic careers, no doubt.

Their duo on last night’s show, “We Are The Champions”, finally gave us the Queen song we’ve been waiting for all season. Snarkista’s dying to hear Adam do “Somebody To Love”, but she’ll have to hope it makes it into the tour repertoire. Speaking of the Idol tour this year…it should be one of the best ever. This year’s contest featured some of the best talent the show has seen, and when they take the show on the road everyone’s in for a real treat.

Congratulations to Kris Allen!! Congrats to Adam Lambert too…what a breath of fresh air for fans he is. As for “bikini girl” Katrina Darnell– your new implants look great, but you still can’t sing. Kara DioGuardi blew you out of the water with her surprise “Vision of Love” which thankfully drowned you out- and her own bikini-flash (for charity) outclassed you by a mile. But you did look great.

Adam Lambert’s Whole Lotta Love AND MORE!

THIS is a perfect example of why Adam Lambert is in the final on American Idol, and why Snarkista will be wearing out her phones just like she did last year for David Cook. Holy freaking crap, you are BORN with this kind of talent. Zepplin lives! Idol is thanking it’s lucky STARS they didn’t screw this one up.

And here’s an early gem from Adam with none other than Val Kilmer onstage. Fantastic performance… gotta respect those pipes.

American Idol’s First Duets: Adam Lambert And Allison Iraheta’s “Slow Ride”

We are down to what Snarkista thinks is by FAR the best final four American Idol contestants, and last night the show paired them off and had them perform duets. Fab idea! Danny and Kris did a great job with their performance, but NOTHING could rock the Idolship on “Rock Night” like Adam Lambert and Allison Iraheta. AND, Glambert hooked Allison up on her hair! MAJOR improvement!

Celebrity mentor Slash didn’t have to work too hard on these two. They’re taking Idol to a whole other level!

American Idol: It’s All Glambert’s Mad World

Snarkista has it bad, bad for Adam Lambert on Season 8’s American Idol. He had her at hello. She adored his very controversial “Ring Of Fire”, sprinkled with saffron and sitar that Johnny Cash would have LOVED. Trust. She loves his black nail polish and guyliner, but it’s the man’s crazy talent that is so irresistible. He sucks all the oxygen out of the room when he performs, yet for all of his showmanship- he’s extremely humble and gracious.

Every week, the wait for what Glambert will pull out of his hat is delicious, and his creativity is consistently amazing. It’s a 2 man race between Adam and Danny Gokey (love him too), 16 year-old Allison rounds out the best with the rest waiting for the final axe. Fortunately, the finale is many weeks away, meaning we get to hear and see more of Adam’s MAD talent.

There has never, EVER been an Idol contestant like him, and Snarkista wagers there never will be again. You will NOT get a karaoke performance from Adam; you will always get a consummate one. All Simon could do tonight was give him an immediate standing O. Along with the rest of America.

Glambert had the pimp spot tonight, singing Tears For Fears’ “Mad World” in his fab false, and once again KILLED. This guy is a once in a lifetime for Idol and 19E- he has the tweens, the grownups, the alts, the rockers, the gays, the straights…they all adore Adam. Here’s just a small reason why.

“Mad World” Studio Version