Cameron Diaz and A-Rod enjoy France

Cameron Diaz and her boyfriend, Alex Rodriguez, have been spotted enjoying Paris as a loving couple.  The two are shacked up in a swanky hotel room, and have been seen having romantic dinners, shopping at Chanel, and visiting museums.

They appear to be having a wonderful time and are taking in everything the city has to offer.  That’s sweet and everything, and I wish them all the best, but I have to admit I don’t get Cameron’s taste in men.  She seems to have a fetish for pop star leftovers – first Britney’s ex, and now Madonna’s.  If Cameran ever starts dating Jordan Bratman, I think we may need to stage an intervention.

Madonna And Guy May Announce Divorce Today

UPDATE: It’s official. Madonna’s beleaguered rep Liz Rozenberg announced that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are divorcing after 7 1/2 years together. In a statement co-signed by Ritchie’s representative and e-mailed to The Associated Press, Liz says the couple had not agreed to a settlement yet. US Magazine is ALSO reporting that Madonna and Alex Rodriguez are “definitely romantic”. Shocker.

Snarkista told you back in June that Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s marriage was on the rocks, and that a divorce announcement wouldn’t come until near or after the end of her Sticky and Sweet tour. The Sun and The New York Post are both saying today that Madonna and Guy will divorce, and that a statement has been prepared. The announcement could come today.

Krazy Kabbalah apparently failed to save their troubled marriage failed and they have decided to call it quits. The divorce may proceed through the British courts as Madonna and Guy primarily live in England. It will surely involve a multi-million dollar settlement. Things have reportedly become so tense she couldn’t wait until the end of her tour, and wants the split to be done with by Christmas. Good luck with THAT, ye old money factory. (Maybe Madonna’s hoping Alex Rodriguez willl show up in her stocking.) The Times Online says Madonna should reconsider filing in England, however:

Madonna may think twice about filing for divorce in England, as a string of high profile have settlements won London the reputation of being the divorce capital of the world – for the poorer partner in a marriage. “New York might be a better place in terms of what she might have to pay out,” said Elizabeth Baghurst, associate at Boodle Hatfield in Oxford. “For someone like Madonna, who is very wealthy, the UK is not at the present time thought to be a good place to have your divorce, as the payouts are big. “She would have to meet the residency requirements to fall under New York jurisdiction, but she has a home there (a £2m apartment overlooking Central Park).”

Guy Richie tellingly failed to show up for the premiere of Filth and Wisdom, a comedy that was directed by his wife. (Bomb.) The couple have three children, Lourdes Leon, 12, Madonna’s daughter with former personal trainer Carlos Leon, their son Rocco Ritchie, 8, and adopted son David Banda, 2.

Guy probably got tired of being punched up and down by Madonna’s freaky pumped-up arms and being threatened by her handgun shoes.

Madonna’s Not Going For That Re-Wedding To Guy

Madonna’s poor beleaguered publicist Liz Rosenberg has denied reports that Madge and husband Guy Ritchie are planning to renew their wedding vows. Duh! Those two are gonna split up right after her “Sticky and Sweet” money machine winds down this winter!

An article in British tabloid The Sun suggested the couple will remarry in a Kabbalah ceremony next month (Aug08), which will coincide with Madonna’s 50th birthday celebrations. But the singer’s longtime (and long-suffering) publicist Liz insists the story is bogus.

She says, “It’s complete fiction.” Yep. Just like brother Christopher Ciccone’s “self-authored” book! Seems like there’s quite a bit of fiction going on with Madonna these days. But hey, press is press, right Vadge?

Madonna’s Having A Meltdown

The stress of this past month and ALL of the drama is apparently taking its toll on Madonna. Vadge has fired two dancers and her tour manager is threatening to walk out over her crazy mood swings. Is the Material Girl becoming the Menopausal Grouch? Despite her fitness-junkie regime, her health has started to suffer.

Madonna is reportedly anemic, a big sign she is overdoing it. What with A-Rod, Guy, her brother Christopher’s tell-all book and trying to reunite Justin Timberlake and Britney on her plate, Snarkista’s not surprised. She’s also suffered a painful knee injury. So, Vadge has had a doctor, physiotherapist and a chiropractor on duty during rehearsals for her upcoming Sticky & Sweet world tour. And probably some Kaballah dude to keep her red strings tidy and the Kaballah water flowing.

This week the docs ordered her to cool it with the punishing dance routines because her body simply can NOT cope. She ain’t no spring chicken, y’all. She’s now taking a time-out, and resting up in the Hamptons with her close bud Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyinnie better tiptoe around, because the strain has pushed Vadge’s famous mood swings to terrifying new extremes. A source close to Madonna said:

She is doing LESS than OK. She’s been rehearsing for the tour and she is totally miserable. She’s down physically and mentally. The situation with Guy is very, very tense. The way the press are going crazy with the A-Rod story, her brother’s book and her physical exhaustion are all taking their toll.

One of her closest pals says she has never seen Madonna so low. She says Vadge is feeling depressed and looking really gaunt. “Madonna was told to take it easy on work and rehearsals, so she will now take one day off every week and go easy in the mornings. She has a blood analysis done every few days — including one during last Friday’s rehearsal in front of everyone.” Madonna just couldn’t resist THAT drama!

Now might be a FAB time for Guy to duck back to England. Madonna with MORE mood swings, on forced rest, is gonna be even more of a capital-B beeyotch. If that’s even possible. She might just flip on out and eat him for lunch. With fava beans and a nice chianti.

Look Both Ways, NYC!

Heads up, New York City, today may be one crazy-ass day. One of Britney Spear’s personalities is gonna be shooting a video for Madonna’s upcoming “Sticky and Sweet” tour. Hopefully Madonna’s drivers won’t be the ones ferrying Brit-Brit around, ‘cuz somebody’s gonna get pancaked if they are! Madonna’s rep Liz is probably on I.V. Xanax right now after all the Madonna shizz that hit the fan LAST week. Now she’s got Britney on her hands. Liz’s pact with the devil contract is looking pretty crappy right now.

A source close to Britney revealed told The Sun they are recording a video together on Sunday that will provide the backdrop for part of Madonna’s show. Giant big-screen Britney? There better be some Photoshop MASTERS working on that one, as Snarkista doubts she’s lost the cheeto-belly since last week.

Madge is apparently considering adding a few Britney appearances to her tour as well. Of course, the details are vague, leaving plenty of wiggle room for “cancellations” should Britney not convert to Kaballah, or decides to revisit Mexico with Adnan.

He’s back, you know. Probably up in A-Rod’s batting cage trying to score Britney some of the ‘roids Madge uses to keep her freaky arms pumped up. You KNOW that A-Rod shizz wasn’t about the sex, cuz Madonna’s about as sexy as a box of Depends. ‘Roids are the ONLY thing quick enough to shape up Britney in time to pop in on Madonna’s tour…’cuz that Bally’s gym deal just ain’t cuttin’ it!

Snarkista’s fave part of the story, however, is that Madge is gonna have a scene in her show where she’s MUMMIFIED! Easiest special effect EVER. Watch your steps today, Gotham City.

Snark Sightings

Stalker Aniston To Be-Friend The Big Screen? Jossip

Spencer Pratt Milking Mary Kate HARD: Fatback Media

Rikki Rockett Gets Off: Bumpshack

Chris Brown’s Naughty Bits Are Tired: BringinDaNoize

Tila Tequila Is DENIED! Mollygood

Hottest New Fashion Out Of Texas: Fldsdress

Steve-O…Still A Lawsuit Magnet: ICYDK

No Pajiba Love For Hancock: Pajiba

A-Rod gets DUMPED! Sportsfiends