“I want my daughter off prescription medication,” Michael Lohan told Access Hollywood. “She never needed it in her life… I’m not going to watch my daughter die. Hate me now, but you love me more later because I’m gonna turn her life around.”

In response to her father’s accusations, Lindsay Lohan posted on Twitter Friday night: “The next shopping spree I’m going on is for a new last name!!!” Calling Michael Lohan a “lunatic,” Lohan said her father has “never been around in my life other than when he’d threaten me&my family.”

“He should be where he has always put himself after verbally abusing and physically abusing people all my life-behind bars,” Lohan said. “Its so sad to get a phone call from my baby sister just now asking, ‘why is daddy doing this?’ Through tears. He’s crossed the lines&hurt me&my family 4 the last time… So much for having a ‘dad’….. I’m going to spend some time with the ones that love me&i love now.”

>> Previously: Lindsay Lohan Goes Cuckoo At Cuckoo

Those of you who HAVE heard Ali “sing”, will completely understand why Johnny Wright put out this statement this morning.

“Johnny Wright has never met with Ali Lohan, has never been introduced to Ali Lohan, nor has he had a meeting with Ali or Dina Lohan regarding Ali’s music career. While he wishes Ali Lohan the best in all her endeavors, Mr. Wright has never had any intention of speaking with Ali Lohan regarding her career. Any story that has surfaced about such a meeting holds no merit and is completely false.

“Wright Entertainment Group has never had any interest or intention of adding Ali Lohan as an artist on the company’s roster, which currently includes Justin Timberlake, Jonas Brothers, Janet Jackson and Ciara amongst others.”

Ouch. NO surprise, but ouch. Guess Dina’s latest publicity grab backfired on her. Shocker!

Johnny isn’t some no-name dude. He manages the Jonas Brothers, Danity Kane, and formerly managed N*Sync and The Backstreet Boys. Hmmm. Let’s see. The Jonas Brothers seem like they’re enjoying a good bit of success these days! Danity Kane’s not doing too poorly either. N*Sync and The Backstreet Boys paved the way for the JoBros, and blew the doors off of the music biz.

Reportedly, Dina thinks she can do a better job of exploiting managing Ali than Johnny would. And, Dina wants to keep the 100% management fee she gets from Ali’s “career”. Newsflash, Dina. 100% of nothing = nothing. A few months ago, Ali released her debut song “All the Way Around.” It made ZERO impression on the music industry, and music lovers. Click the link if you want to hear why, but be forewarned…get the duct tape out first and secure your head.

Maybe Dina’s really done everyone a favor. By continuing to “manage” Ali’s singing “career”, she’s keeping us from having to hear her on the radio. Come to think of it- thanks, Dina! Good luck with Ali’s supermodel career too!

Lindsay’s coming out with a line of fake tanner, a product she’s intimately familiar with! As Lindsay’s natural skin color is Fishbelly, fake tanner has been a MUST for her to blend in all of those freckles. Mama Dina Lohan probably used the orange juice on little Lindsay instead of baby lotion, and her hands are all over THIS product launch!

Dina’s no stranger to the faux sunglow…look at any of her pictures. Dina likes to call herself the “White Oprah”, but honestly, she’s “Orange Oprah.” Snarkista apologizes to Oprah for the reference, but please don’t shoot the messenger.

Look for Lindsay’s fake-tan to carry a hefty price tag just like her heinous leggings. Perhaps she’ll blog about it, since Barack Obama said “thanks but no thanks” to Lindsay’s campaign endorsement, leaving LiLo with more free time. Surely it will have prominent product-placement on “Living Lohan”, and thirty fifteen year-old Ali will be forced to slather up to promote her career as a Supermodel. Will SamRo get the glow too? Exfoliate first!

Avril Lavigne in 30 years: Super-Fantastic Plastic

Fun Facts About Sarah Palin: Bumpshack

How To Be A Good Wife: This Is Illuminati

Everyone Loves A Shirtless Milo Ventimiglia: Ten Gossip

P. Diddy’s Feeling The Recession: Backseat Cuddler

All The Lohan Shizz: Superficial Diva

Whacko Jacko Turns 50: Behind Blondie Park

Ali poses about as well as a John Casablancas reject, and those hos will take anyone. ‘Cuz you have to pay THEM rather than the genuine supermodel way where the model GETS paid. This shizz is almost as fug as Heidi Montag’s new video. Almost. Ali wins ONLY because she’s not singing and the pics aren’t blurry. Thank God this won’t be staring back at us from the magazine racks, but Dina has PLENTY of copies if you want one.

So, Dina is relentlessly pursuing ALL possible avenues of exploitation for Ali, and had her audition for a movie part! All, of course, is filmed for future exploitative use on Living Lohan. Dina tells the camera she is worried about whether they will judge Ali for herself, and not compare her to Lindsay. Which is what she always says whenever cameras are rolling. What she failed to worry about OR check up on, is that Ali auditioned for Peter Davy, legendary PORN director and producer! Peter vast repertoire includes “Breast Wishes 14″ and “Bun Busters 12.” Ali was supposedly auditioning for a horror movie. Ooops.

Natch, shizz hitteth fan, while tape rolls for Living Lohan. Great managing, mom! Dina says Ali was auditioning for an upcoming role in a movie called “Troll”, and if she’d known Davy’s past she wouldn’t have let her audition. Dina says don’t blame her! PUHLEEEZE!! Google much, Dina? Of all the stage-moms in Hollywood, DINA should know. Oh, and apparently Ali GOT the role and IS going to work with porny Peter Davy! Clear the mantle for another “mom of the year” award!!

What Snarkista wants to know is…

Were The Olsen Twins Unavailable?: Webster Is My Bitch

Justin Timberlake’s Bromance: IDLYITW

Steve Gutenberg’s ‘Roid Ragin!: WWTDD

P Diddy Likes Waxed Nuts: Mollygood

Fluffy Paris: The Superficial