Amy Winehouse Flips Over Blaaaake’s Baby Surprise

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Drug-n-drunkie Amy Winehouse had a pretty bi-polar reaction to the news that her former hubby, fellow addict Blake Civil-Fielder, has knocked someone up. Wino is back to terrorizing the peaceful island of St. Lucia, where she first assumed Blake’s underage girlfriend, Francesca Morralee, was the mom-to-be. While downing champagne at a resort bar, she started off happily blabbering: “I knew he’d got her pregnant. I had this feeling Blake was having a kid.”

Wrong! Seems that heroin addict Blaaaake has impregnated a fellow junkie! Amy wasn’t thrilled to hear that Blake’s child was conceived IN REHAB with heroin addict Gilleen Morris, 31, not Francesca.

Amy proceeded to lose her tenuous grip. “That better be a mistake or I’ll beat his head in. Oh great, he’s had it with some … I don’t wanna know – don’t tell me any more.”

Then the real show started: Amy began pounding her chest, convulsing and grabbing her stomach in pain. After she downed some Xanax calmed down, she expressed some addled happiness for Blake.

“All I wanna know and all I need to know is that my baby is having a baby. I never talk to him, I’m never going to see him again but we’re like best friends. I have to cut him out of my life because he has to cut me out… so me and Blake can’t be friends but you know what? He’s having a kid and that is amazing.”

Not to be outdone, Amy then declared that she TOO wanted to have a baby. Actually, she wants to have twins. Fortunately, Amy’s years of chemical craziness probably sent her eggs packing long ago. We can only hope.

Amy Winehouse’s Songs Rejected By Her Label

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Amy Winehouse has started recording her third studio album, but her label, Island/Universal Records, reportedly have rejected her new songs, according to The Sun.

“The lyrics are very dark indeed. Everyone understands that Amy is an artist and she must be true to her instincts,” the source further explains to the publication. “In the past, she’s written frequently about broken hearts and boyfriends, but this time round she’s delving into harrowing terrain.”

Because she spent the past few months terrorizing the peaceful island of St. Lucia, Wino has “ditched her trademark vintage soul sound and is now heavily influenced by reggae.” The source adds, “Her bosses don’t think it’s a wise move to change her style so sharply and have told her that.
Amy’s FORGOTTEN her trademark style, fools! She can’t remember what she did yesterday! Maybe Wino’s label should try some Aricept to see if they can jog her memory. Hey, it works for Snarkista’s granny!

Look Out, England, Amy Winehouse Is Coming Back

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Amy Winehouse’s hubby Blaaaaake was freed from the Big House (again) yesterday and this was news to the Wino. She’s been in her new adopted homeland of St. Lucia when she heard the news. Crackie is upset because she wasn’t the first to know.

A snitch told The Sun,

“Hearing Blake was out brought lots of emotions back for Amy. She feels like she was the last to know he was getting released and that hurt. She is desperate to see him again and wants to work things out. She still loves him.”

Dealers all over London are high-fiving! St. Lucia is high-fiving! This is the answer to their prayers. Wino was running off the tourists in St. Lucia, and the crack biz took a huge hit when Amy left for the island. It’s all part of the global economic recovery plan. Thanks, Obama!

Amy Winehouse Got Trashed And Went To The Hospital Again

amy-winehouse-s-lucia-permAmy Wino’s been terrorizing the Caribbean isle of St. Lucia while attempting some DIY rehab. Except in Amy’s rehab you get to smoke pot and drink. Amy majorly overtreated herself and turned into a “shaking mess”, necessitating a trip to the hospital.

A source told The Sun that: “she looked in a terrible state, a shaking mess. The people with her were very concerned.”

A spokesman for Amy admitted she was in hospital. He said she had run out of a drug replacement she has been using. No weed in the Caribbean?! Must be climate change.

Wino always takes a licking that would kill a normal person, but she keeps on (literally) kicking. When she sneezes, it snows in the Caribbean. Ganja men get ready, because Amy’s doing great and she’ll be busting out of the hospital soon! And she’s out of weed. Remember the kicking part.