Snark Sightings

Will Europe Really End The World On Wednesday? UK Daily Mail

Jennifer Lopez Is On The Photoshop Diet: 7 Confessions

Tara Reid Took A Bath: Backseat Cuddler

Michael Phelps Gets His Party On: Socialite Life

Heart Doesn’t Want Airplay For “Barracuda”: Bumpshack

Christina Aguilera
Keeps Getting Better: Superficial Diva

Katie “Jordan” Price
Is Abusing Horses: Go Fug Yourself

Miley Cyrus
Is NOT Dead, Fools! : Gawker

Lance Armstrong
Needs Some Viagra: Bitten and Bound

Teri Hatcher Is An Idiot: D-Listed

Katy Perry To Perform “Like A Virgin” At VMA Awards

British comedian Russell Brand reveals that Katy Perry, of “I Kissed A Girl” fame will give Madonna’s “Like A Virgin” a revival on the upcoming VMA awards. Russell says:

“There’s a lot of virginity and lesbianism going on at the show. The VMAs are going to be so great that Christina Aguilera is willing to risk her newborn baby’s sight!

Hmmm. Not so sure about the virginity part. Just sayin’! Christina is set to perform her new track “Keeps Getting Better,” and says:

You’re going to get a first look and a first listen at my new image and my new sound. The last album, the style and sound was about vintage glam – this one is all about the future. This will be his first time Max can watch me perform on television, but only for a little while because he’s not really allowed to watch television yet. I’ll make an exception for the VMAs.

Max’s eyesight is already ruined from getting punched every day by Christina’s funbags! Britney Spears will also make an appearance at the opening of the show, but the leaks say it won’t be a live performance. Russell says she WON’T be giving herself a head-shave or be serving canapes. Maybe Brit-Brit’s just gonna recycle her crazy elevator footage from Madonna’s Sticky and Sweet tour! Kanye West is gonna close the show. Let’s hope he is not still pissed.

Holy Crap, It’s BigFoot!

Two California “researchers” and two dudes in Northern Georgia named Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer say they’ve got a dead Bigfoot on ice, and are gonna hold a press conference on Friday to reveal all. First of all, Snarkista is a little freaked ‘cuz Northern Georgia is not THAT far away from Nashville! Not that Bigfoot would be into music, but she’s just saying!

These guys are serious because they’ve formed a Bigfoot LLC., which means they have to file tax returns! The guys say they have DNA and a lot of other data. And, presumably the body in the freezer they have pictured here. The one they’ve named RickMat. (Rick + Matthew= Bigfoot). Their press conference is reportedly scheduled for Friday, August 15th at 12 noon P.T.

Their website, says the following about the freaky beast:
* It is male.
* It has reddish hair and blackish-grey eyes.
* It has two arms and two legs, and five fingers on each hand and five toes on each foot.
* The feet are flat and similar to human feet.
* The creature is seven feet seven inches tall.
* It weighs over five hundred pounds.
* The creature looks like it is part human and part ape-like.
* Its footprint is sixteen and three-quarters inches long and five and three-quarters inches wide at the heel.
* From the palm of the hand to the tip of the middle finger, its hands are eleven and three-quarters inches long and six and one-quarter inches wide.
* The creatures walk upright. (Several of them were sighted on the same day that the body was found.)
* The teeth are more human-like than ape-like.
* DNA tests are currently being done and the current DNA and photo evidence will be presented at the press conference on Friday, August 15th.

Have they considered that this may just be a relative of Christina Aguilera’s husband Jordan? ‘Cuz Snarkista just took Snarkista Jr. to college even CLOSER to Northern Georgia. Like she didn’t have ENOUGH to worry about. Damn you, Bigfoot!

Snark Sightings

Sugarland Kicks Miley Cyrus In The Ass: Contact Music

Wonky Strikes Back: Seriously? OMG!

Stalker Aniston Can’t Take A Joke: Showbiz Spy

Michael Lohan’s Not Down With A 2-Bride Wedding: Backseat Cuddler

Which politicians are REALLY most like Paris Hilton? Indecision ’08

Hollywoods Top-Paid Tweens: Forbes

Tips On How To Score At The Store: The Bachelor Guy

Christina Aguilera’s Ready For Halloween: Superficial Diva

Barackbook- Be Obama’s Friend!: Guanabee

Britney Gets Another VMA Nod: Fafarazzi

Celebrity Look-Alikes: Slacker Network

Heather Mills Can’t Spend It Fast Enough

Heather Mills, the most hated woman in the UK, took a little vaycay last week! She took 20 friends with her to celebrate the end of her trainwreck marriage to Sir Paul McCartney. In the UK, it normally takes six weeks for the final divorce decree to come through. Heather and Paul’s came through on May 19th, only 5 days after the divorce was granted. The poor judge most likely couldn’t bear the thought of Heather stomping back into his courtroom!

That means that Heather has had full access since then to the £24 million (approximately $48 million US) in cash and properties she beat out of Sir Paul. Party time!! Heather did it up right last week, spending around £250,000 (aprx. $500,000 US). Vegan banquets were spread out every night and guests were transported by private jet from Antigua to Necker- Sir Richard Branson’s private paradise island.

$500K is enough to buy a four-bedroom house in her hometown of Newcastle. Not that she’s ever going back THERE to live. She’s goldigged worked too hard to get where she is now! Her public image, however, has been smashed due to her crazy-ass behavior throughout the divorce. Heather shops on, blissfully blowing her ex-husband’s money. She just spent $5 million on a condo in New York, and is looking for L.A. property in the $2 million dollar range. She’s reportedly looking for something in the center of London. The price range? Around $10 million.

Her new boyfriend Jamie Walker quit his job as a travel agent to do odd jobs for Heather. She, in return, is hoping to use her contacts in showbiz to help him make it as a DJ! Maybe Heather knows SamRo and Lindsay, or the guy who used to date Nicole Richie. Snarkista confuses him with Christina Aguilera’s caveman.

Maybe Snarkista’s calculator is broken, but it says Heather’s committed over a third of her divorce money on just the items in this article. Since May! That poor divorce judge. Heather’s coming back.

Friday’s Fifteen Minutes

It’s Friday, I’m In Love…er sorry! Had a bit of The Cure stuck in my head! It IS Friday, however, and it’s time for another Friday’s Fifteen Minutes- where z-listers get some press while they try to go for twenty! Today’s poster boy is none other than Scott Storch, who just a few years ago, was a top pop music producer, living in a $10.5 million mansion on an exclusive Miami island, driving a stable of exotic cars and dating the likes of Paris Hilton and Lil Kim. Scott got beat with the ugly stick, but his bucks helped the ladies overlook it.

Nowadays, however, he’s pulled an MC Hammer. He owes over $500,000 in real estate taxes and had a warrant out for his arrest when he failed to show up for court in a child-support case last month. He hasn’t had a top 10 hit in three years. He still has his mansion, but his lawyer, Guy Spiegelman, tells the AP that Scott is attempting to refinance it after a “catastrophic occurrence this year” resulting from “mismanagement.” Like dropping too much money on Wonky and Lil Kim! Storch hasn’t talked to either of his children in months.

So what happened? Continue reading Friday’s Fifteen Minutes

Trouble For Christina Aguilera And Her Caveman?

Is there trouble in Christina Aguilera’s marriage? Girlfriend has been par-taying a lot lately, and she’s increasingly doing it solo. Yes, she did marry caveman Jordan Bratman. Is that the reason behind Christina Aguilera’s heavy partying?

It looks like there is trouble in paradise between she and husband Jordan. Rumor has it Christina has been doing some heavy flirting with another dude who was a FORMER associate of Jordan’s. He’s a former associate because Jordan fired his ass and told him to stay the eff away from Christina.

Unfortunately, Jordan did the telling off and firing by email. The flirtee is no dummy, he’s saved the email and is saying he’s gonna sell it to the tabs! Supposedly there have been steamy text messages and some heavy, suggestive “touching” between the dude and Christina. Xtina didn’t do the dirty, but came really close. Jordan is sick of her partying and it is causing a giant strain on their marriage.

Obviously, Christina is not blind, and woke up one too many times with the Geico man. She does love her boobs, however, and plans to nurse baby Max until he’s TWO. She’s not about to let those yabbos go away anytime soon!