Right Now In Nashville: Mindy McCready Attempts Suicide

Troubled country singer Mindy McCready has had a bad couple of years. She continued her downward spiral Wednesday as she for an apparent attempted suicide. Mindy, whose youthful affair with pitcher Roger Clemens came to light in April, was taken to a Nashville-area hospital to be treated for wounds on her wrists. “We responded to a ’10-63,’ that’s a suicidal person call,” Nashville Police Department spokeswoman Kris Mumford said. “Mindy McCready was at the house.”

McCready was hospitalized in 2005 after swallowing a near-fatal dose of pills, chased with wine. In July she overdosed on drugs and alcohol, which sent her to the emergency room at Vanderbilt University Medical Center. She later checked into rehab. In October, McCready spent 31 days in jail for violating the terms of her probation from a 2004 guilty plea for fraudulently obtaining painkillers.

Somebody please commit Mindy and get her the help she needs. Her public troubles with the law, drugs and alcohol are huge cries for assistance. Albeit of her own doing, her life truly mirrors a country song. It’s one of the saddest ever.

Jessica Simpson DENIED By The CMAs

Whomever thought that Jessica Simpson was gonna be a part of the Country Music Awards in Nashville Wednesday night has bats in the brain! Some can’t BELIEVE that Jess wasn’t nominated for Newcomer of The Year, didn’t present an award, and didn’t even GO to the CMAs. Why? Because Jessica isn’t taken seriously by the very serious powers-that-be in Nashville.

Papa Joe thought Jessica could revive her “career” by making the switch to country music, but this idea has turned out to be a flopper. Jessica’s country album is a yawner, and the songs she wrote are crappy. This is a singer-songwriter town, but you have to be a GOOD singer-songwriter to get any respect. Great for fans of country music, not great for Jessica. No amount of milkmaid dresses and cowboy boots can change that.

Carrie Underwood
hosted the CMAs with Brad Paisley, and everyone knows that Carrie is not a Jessica Simspon fan. It’s quite within the realm of believability that Underpants banned Jess from the awards. It’s definitely something the diva would do, and would be another dig at Jess in their ongoing feud over Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo.

So…Jessica’s gonna have to go off, nurse her wounds, and if she wants to make it in country music: cut a decent album. It’s pretty bad when your hometown newspaper, The Dallas Morning News, gives you a scathing review. Oh, and one more thing- CUT OUT THE ONSTAGE BLABBERING ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE, JESSICA! Nobody wants to hear that shizz.

Mindy McCready’s Gettin Out, Wants A Drink

Oh, Mindy, Mindy, Mindy. Country music’s #1 trainwreck Mindy McCready is getting out of jail early… tomorrow in fact! Just in time for Halloween! Mindy’s been in the pokey because she violated her probation. She falsified her community service records. Snarkista doesn’t have time right now to explain ALL of Mindy’s troubles with the law. You truly need a map and some serious free time.

Mindy puts the dumb in blonde, ‘cuz she’s let everyone know what she’s gonna do as soon as she gets out tomorrow. She wants a Bloody Mary! Now, Mindy’s gotten in trouble with the spirits before, and not the kind that come out on Halloween. She’s been locked up in Williamson County, Tennessee…where the law is KNOWN for busting you first and asking questions later. They particularly like popping people for DUI’s. Smart, Mindy!

Mindy also wants to go costume shopping, ‘cuz she is gonna PAR-TAY tomorrow night. She better get herself a cab or a designated driver, as the Williamson County police are quite familiar with Miss McCready! They have her picture with a superimposed target on it in every squad car. So congrats on getting sprung early, Mindy. Lets see if you can stay out of trouble for a few weeks this time.

Carrie Underwood Bags A Stork

Oooh, there’s another reason to give a good-natured GRRR to Carrie Underwood today! Seems the country sweetheart is dating Dr. Travis Stork, one of Nashville’s MOST eligible bachelors…and a former “Bachelor” himself in 2006. Travis is finishing his residency at Vanderbilt University, and has been an ER doctor for awhile. His latest television venture calls the ER Doc and his colleagues ‘America’s medical dream team’. His fellow docs include Dr. Jim Sears, Dr. Lisa Masterson and Dr. Drew Ordon. Their show began in September. MANY a single Nashville girl has had an “emergency” requiring a Vandy ER visit in hopes of being treated by the sweet, handsome Dr. Stork.

There were sightings of the two several weeks ago, but it seems they’ve come out in the open with their relationship. They’ve been spotted out and about several times, and were in New York recently. The Associated Press reports that Stork presented her with a diamond ring on a necklace Monday night, and that Carrie’s given Travis unlimited backstage passes to her shows.

Okay, Underpants, lets try not to mess THIS one up. Travis is a great guy, and isn’t into DIVA. So try to keep your Underpanties out of a wad if things aren’t always PERFECT. Life’s funny that way. Roll with it, and be thankful a guy with so much going for him is smitten with you. Treat him right, or you’ll piss off a whole lot of your demographic in Nashville. ‘Cuz we LOVE our Dr. Feelgood!

Right Now In Nashville: Brad Paisley Arrested!

Early Sunday morning, (approximately 3:15 am) country singer Brad Paisley’s private jet was met with uniformed officers when it landed at Nashville International Airport. Officers immediately handcuffed Brad as soon as he got off the plane. The policemen informed Brad they had a warrant for his arrest for involvement in “some serious crimes.” Paisley was heard saying:

“You’ve gotta be kidding me! I’ve never done anything wrong in my life!”

Paisley was cooperative with the officers, and was taken to the back of an unmarked police car. He was then given further explanation of his arrest.

“We have a Mrs. Jewel Murray who has filed several charges against you in the state of Tennessee for excessive lewd acts of noodling,” explained the officer, as Paisley broke into a fit of laugher, realizing this was all a joke. “Noodling? On the guitar?” Paisley asked the officers. “You know what, I am guilty.”

Seems Brad Paisley, country music’s Ashton Kutcher, finally got what he deserved. He’d had a long, prank-filled tour with Jewel and Chuck Wicks. Brad Paisley ran a video introducing Kellie Pickler that featured some photos that had been Photoshoped a bit and a plastic surgeon’s take on the question whether Kellie has had some work done to a particular area of her body. The segment was called “You Be The Judge.” Jack Ingram had to get into a cage they built out of PVC pipe just as he was about to walk onstage and then wheeled him out in the cage with only his microphone and a hacksaw. He had to be freed 2 songs into the set.

Saturday night, Chuck had pranked Brad by stepping onto the stage dripping with maple syrup and covered in feathers. And during Jewel’s set, a large man dressed as a giant condom swung just feet over her head. Brad must have thought he’d kept his “King of the Pranks” title. Not quite. Here’s Jewel talking about the pranks…and what is about to come for Brad. Ha!!

In an effort to humble the “King”, Jewel and her touring crew turned the tables on Brad. Yep, early Sunday morning, when Brad and his crew arrived in Nashville they were greeted by two unmarked police cars, two retired police officers and a night sky filled with flashing blue and white lights. You can watch the footage of Brad’s arrest here! Punked!!

Just ‘Cuz She’s From Texas Doesn’t Mean She’s Country

Snarkista can say this with authority as she was born and raised in Texas, and has lived in Nashville for a LOOOONG time. Papa Joe And Jessica Simpson’s Country Reinvention Experiment didn’t start off too well. Snarkista’s told you before that country music radio and fans are notoriously hard to crack. Just because Jessica’s decided she’s a little bit country doesn’t mean shizz to most folks who know the real deal.

Jessica squeezed into some daisy-dukes for a performance in Kenosha, Wisconsin Saturday night, but skepticism was elevated hours before her debut country performance. Jess was opening for Sara Evans, who has SERIOUSLY paid her country dues. The crowd at Country Thunder had their doubts about whether the pop diva could stack up against other country music acts. In fact, lots of them were NOT impressed!

“Just because she’s dating Tony Romo it doesn’t make her country,” said Mike Rodriguez, 31, from Lake Geneva. “She doesn’t fit in with country, and I’ll have to drink a lot of beer to sit through her concert.” Zach Schlodt, 19, of Palatine, Ill., agreed. Simpson’s heart isn’t in country music, and she is just banking on the genre’s popularity, he said. “She’s an embarrassment to country music,” he added.

Jessica took the stage to a mixture of boos and cheers Saturday night. She sashayed onto the stage in the daisy-dukes, a white button-down shirt and cowboy boots, singing a cover of Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boots are Made for Walking.” Yawn. Her set included several cover songs, including “On the Road Again,” and Shania Twain’s “Who’s Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?”

She sang a few songs from her upcoming album “Do You Know,” and the first single “Come On Over.” The crowd wasn’t thrilled when she sang one of her pop hits “With You.” They also weren’t thrilled that Simpson played after real country singer, Kellie Pickler.

The audience didn’t seem to buy the schtick. “I just don’t hear the country in her; I don’t hear the twang. She’s not good enough to be here,” said Adam Matos, 21, from Arlington Heights, Ill. One man didn’t mince words: “It’s crap,” said Ryan Sia, 28, from East Troy. “She doesn’t belong here.”

Papa Joe’s got some heavy lifting to do if he’s gonna make this country thing work out. Country fans can spot a phony a mile away, and they’ll STAY away if they do. Jessica hasn’t paid her dues in their eyes, and it’s gonna take a LOT of work to change their minds. Dating Tony Romo doesn’t count.