Rarely is Snarkista speechless, but today she’s pretty damn close. Behold Michelle Obama in London, one of the fashion capitols of the world. Unfortunately, Miss Thang appears to have run through the notions department at Fabrics-R-Us following a vicious glue-gun fight.

“But,” you may say, “perhaps she was visiting Piccadilly Circus, and was tripped up by the ‘circus’ part?” No… sadly, this was Michelle’s pick to visit Westminster Abbey. Nothing says “reverence” like an homage to Bozo.

This getup makes the “black widow” election-night dress look positively regal. For those of you still hanging on to those “Jackie-O” comparisons, you may now let go.

Katy Perry got super-sick after accepting the award for “Best International Female”. She had to rush backstage to throw up. Katy told the audience after winning her trophy:

“I’m so sick right now, but they said I should show up because something special might happen. Thank you to everyone at my record label.”

Tubby buddy Perez Hilton confirmed that she blew chunks, lovingly Twittering that he

“Just got a text from Katy. She had to leave the Brits after she won. She’s so sick that she puked backstage! ‘Punk rock.’ “

More like PUKE rock, girl. And no, despite what your eyes may tell you, Katy did NOT puke on her outfit. That’s just the way it’s supposed to look.

Let’s see if these high-waisted denim-diapers look any better from the back.

No they do not. A more stumpifying garment has yet to be created. And those suckers are chafing you so bad, you’re gonna be crying in the powder room, if you know what I mean.

Jessica, we ALL know you’re trying your damnedest to set the hook into Tony Romo’s football fortune, because you yammer about it onstage constantly. This is between yammering sessions to the press with TOO MUCH INFORMATION.

You’re probably DYING to be a mom and have a lil’ Tony. But please don’t confuse mom-jeans with motherhood, honey, or you’ll NEVER get there.

Squinty pranced around on the red carpet showing off her booty too. Did somebody start her traditional Golden Globe imbibing of spirits a little early? Sure, everyone’s hammered by the end of the show, which usually makes for an entertaining watch- all the more reason to hold off at least until one is seated at one’s table. Renee? Basic foundations 101: Nothing but black underneath your black, especially if your black could double as a mosquito net. Which yours easily could, and therefore should be shipped to Africa immediately.

Not out like your hubby Tommy wants to have the gays be, with his proposal for a U.S. gay census like the UK has (for realz!). That’s a subject for another post, although it is QUITE amusing coming from Ms. Tom. No, Katie, just out like PLEASE DON’T GO OUT DRESSED LIKE THIS ANY MORE! You’re hogging all of the CAF awards. Pamela Anderson and Solange Knowles are getting pissed. Do not mess with Solange- she will cut a bitch. With FEATHERS!

Tom revealed his present to robot devoted Katie today… a Salvia divinorum mint plant in full blossom! Ah, mint, you say. Great for cooking! Tommy will be making some “special tea” for Katie soon. He found a small specimen of the plant, known as “the Sage of the Seers,” in an East Village WITCHCRAFT store. The plant is indigenous to Mexico and was and is used by shamans of the Mazatec Indians for its ability to create visions and hallucinations. Just what every woman dreams of! VIVIDLY.

Look for Katie to commit more “crimes against fashion” soon, yet in a much more colorful way. Happy Birthday, “Kate”!

Dear Pamela Anderson,
You are almost 40. Your ladybits are wailing right now, as you are using a glittery leotard as a garrote on them. It is December, and this is your second violation this week. Consider looking into pants? To wear, just so we’re clear.
With concern for the global Monistat supply,
Snarkista

Yeah. These boots.

The security dude behind you looks like he just got sucker-punched. The people behind the barricade are LAUGHING or in mid-WHA?, except for the lady with her eyes closed. She’s been blinded by the glare from the cheap satin. Lets see if this getup gets better when you pose WITH someone.

Wow. No it does not. Even though you managed to find the guy in the ugliest jacket, he comes out the winner in this pairing. He is thanking GOD you came along last night, so that the coat made from his daughter’s old Christmas dress isn’t getting any press. Much.