Vince Neil charged with domestic violence

Wow, the definition of “domestic violence” is certainly different from what I thought it was.  Vince Neil, the frontman of Motley Crue, was charged with domestic violence for poking three people in the shoulder with his right index finger, one poke each.

Yes, you read that correctly.  A single poke with a finger will get you strung up for domestic.  Allegedly Neil was shouting abuse while doing the, er, poking, and was cited for disorderly conduct as well as the domestic violence charge.  Neil is currently on probation for DUI, so this could spell more jail time for him if the judge deems it appropriate.

Lindsay Lohan, now Paris Hilton: It’s blonde party girl week in court

After Lindsay Lohan‘s revelation that she will be appearing in court later this week to face up to the consequences of her failed drug test (most likely jail time), Paris Hilton managed to weasel out of similar trouble by flat-out admitting to what she’d done.  Hilton pleaded guilty yesterday to a charge of cocaine possession, and also admitted that she’d lied to police about having the drug.  As a result of owning up, she has managed to avoid going to jail, and instead has been sentenced to one year of probation, 200 hours of community service, a $2,000 fine, and a rehab program.  The probation is no biggie as long as she keeps her, uh, nose clean.  The fine is less than she tips the waitress, so I suspect that’s already paid.  the rehab program is probably going to be weekly meetings of some sort, and hopefully those wont be too difficult to keep up with.  But the community service… I’m imagining miss princess picking up trash on the side of the road, and I’ll admit to my cold, black heart jumping with joy at the thought.  We’ll see what the judge orders.

UK judge takes one more dangerous driver off the roads: George Michael

It used to be that when you heard the name “George Michael” and the word “police” in the same sentence, you automatically thought of lewd acts in public toilets.  But in recent years, George Michael seems to have left cubicle sex behind in favor of a more dangerous recreational activity: driving under the influence.  In 2006 Michael was arrested for possession of class C drugs after being found asleep in the driver’s seat of his car.

A few weeks later, he participated in a hit-and-run where he crashed into three parked cars and then fled the scene.  Later that year, he was arrested for DUI when he blocked an intersection with his car after having smoked cannabis, and was sentenced to 100 hours of community service (presumably not cleaning public toilets).  In 2008 George Michael turned to harder drugs, and was arrested for possession of an unidentified class A substance (rumored to be crack cocaine).  After his release he vowed to do something about his drug problem, but earlier this week he was sentenced to eight weeks in prison and given a fine and a five-year suspended license for yet again driving under the influence of cannabis.  Reports from people in the courtroom say that Michael gasped audibly when he heard the sentence, so maybe this will be the wake-up call he needs to finally get his life back together.