When ruffles attack! Bjork should feel great about this. Alyssa Milano has officially joined Bjork as a swan, and Lara Flynn Boyle as a ballerina, in the Red Carpet Fugliest Hall Of Fame. Starlets everywhere are breathing huge sighs of relief. There is virtually NO danger of topping this heinousness for years.

What exactly IS this costume? Mae West comes back from the dead to straighten out Ryan Seacrest? An environmentalist statement encouraging the use of fans instead of air-conditioning? Wild-west bordello girl faking virginity on her wedding day? A Project Runway assignment using toilet paper and a giant pair of Spanxx? This HAD to have come from one of those awful prom-dress catalogs that come when you’re a junior in high-school. All Alyssa is missing is a parasol, but holding the fan-shaped purse is a fitting second choice.

Whomever designed this disaster is BEGGING for witness protection as we speak. “Crimes against fashion DO qualify. I’ll name names. Deep undercover, PLEASE. North Dakota will be fine. Hell yes, I’ll dress as a member of the opposite sex. But hurry the F*** up! Tim Gunn is stalking me and he’s packing one BADASS pair of scissors!”