Friday’s Fifteen Minutes

It’s Friday, I’m In Love…er sorry! Had a bit of The Cure stuck in my head! It IS Friday, however, and it’s time for another Friday’s Fifteen Minutes- where z-listers get some press while they try to go for twenty! Today’s poster boy is none other than Scott Storch, who just a few years ago, was a top pop music producer, living in a $10.5 million mansion on an exclusive Miami island, driving a stable of exotic cars and dating the likes of Paris Hilton and Lil Kim. Scott got beat with the ugly stick, but his bucks helped the ladies overlook it.

Nowadays, however, he’s pulled an MC Hammer. He owes over $500,000 in real estate taxes and had a warrant out for his arrest when he failed to show up for court in a child-support case last month. He hasn’t had a top 10 hit in three years. He still has his mansion, but his lawyer, Guy Spiegelman, tells the AP that Scott is attempting to refinance it after a “catastrophic occurrence this year” resulting from “mismanagement.” Like dropping too much money on Wonky and Lil Kim! Storch hasn’t talked to either of his children in months.

So what happened? Continue reading Friday’s Fifteen Minutes

Friday’s Fifteen Minutes

Friday! Yessss!! Time for Friday’s Fifteen Minutes, where z-listers get some press while they try to go for 20! Workin’ the pole today is Christopher Ciccone, Madonna’s leach brother-turned author! Now we all know the Madge machine is working overtime because of that Sticky and Sweet thing she’s got coming up. Snarkista’s not completely convinced that Chris isn’t part of Madonna’s evil PR plan. But she’ll play along and assume his new “tell-all” book about Madge is just about the money. For Chris. So he can get his freaky vampire teeth fixed.

Assume Snarkista would add “WTF?” after all of these, but actually doing so would get pretty boring. So…here’s some of the mud Christopher’s gonna sling at Madonna in his attempted literary coup de grâce :

*Warren Beatty went through her trash to find out if she was cheating on him. Mr. “You’re So Vain” was worried about someone cheating on HIM? Ahahahaha! Sorry. Back to the mud.

*She keeps a huge portrait of herself in bondage gear laying on a bed with dead animals in full view of the kids. PETA could probably go either way on this one.

* When Sean Penn was married to Madge, he made Chris cut his thumb and then cut his own and merged them to become blood brothers. Penn approached him years later and asked him if he had AIDS. Holy 3rd grade, diplomatico. Penn would SO do this. Back to the willing suspension of disbelief.

*Madonna considered letting Dennis Rodman and some dude from Melrose Place (not the show, the bad part of town) impregnate her, but then jumped on Carlos Leon when she met him in Central Park. Chris says she was concerned about his intelligence. Poor Lourdes.

*Guy Ritchie is a homophobe. This would explain SO effin’ much. Like sticking close to Vadge’s money while she raunches around with Brit-Brit.

*Madonna’s marriage is plagued by explosive fights and is held together only by a trusted rabbi who makes house calls. That poor guy must have his own room at the crib, ‘cuz why leave when you KNOW Madge is gonna be blowing up your phone!

Hopefully Chrissy’s rag has more great dirt like this shizz, someone will read it and tell Snarkista the good parts. Clock’s ticking, Chris!
UPDATE: Here’s quite a long excerpt from Chrissy’s book!

Friday’s Fifteen Minutes

Marla Maples

It’s Friday! AND the Fourth of July!! What better time for a red, white and blue Friday’s Fifteen Minutes, where z-listers get some press while they try to go for twenty! The boys have been on a roll, but fear not…Ms. Marla Maples is at bat for the other team this week! The former Mrs. Donald Trump has been frolicking lately in a variety of bikinis, with no discernible reason other than someone has been taking her pictures!

Marla was Mrs. Trump between Ivana and Melania; she trolloped her way into the gilded palace of tackydom, got knocked up, and then flounced on out. She’s laid pretty low ever since, but for some reason she’s back. So… good luck to Marla with whatever she’s attempting; let’s hope it’s not an album or a sex tape. Happy Independence Day! And Marla? The clock is ticking!

Friday’s Fifteen Minutes

TGIF!!! Who’s dancin’ in the booth today for Friday’s Fifteen Minutes? Looks like the guys have it again this week! FFM gives z-listers a little press while they try to go for 20. This week’s featured “Z” is none other than Corey Haim! Corey’s pic is from last year when he declared himself BACK! Guess what…he ain’t back.

Corey is 36, and was teen heartthrob for about a year back in the ’80s. His other claim to fame is for being one effed up BAD druggie! He’s been trying to get back into Hollywood’s good graces oh, like, forever- and he’s at it again today! Corey’s learned a little from his past comeback attempts, so he’s letting us know that Victoria Beckham got a little freaky when they dated. Briefly. In 1995.

“I did date Victoria Beckham. When she kisses she does this funny thing. She does this gnaw thing. She liked to gnaw on my lip.”

Corey recalled the first time he met Posh and the other Spices at a London recording studio.

Five girls in these crazy outfits piled out of a car. They were like punk chicks, Sid Vicious chicks. They walked into the studio and I met Vic. Sniper eyes. It was my obligation as a man to hang out with her.

Sid Vicious chicks? SNIPER EYES? File those, intern Seacrest. Corey says they never officially split up. Posh has previously claimed the pair split after having a big ole fight because Corey was jealous of her crush on a boyband. Yeah, a whole band. Corey nonetheless elaborates to Bravo TV:

We never really split up. My brain wasn’t really functioning at the time. So she said she drove to my Hilton Hotel in Kensington and threw my clothes all over the road? Dude, I stayed at the Marriott not the Hilton! If that happened it doesn’t sound right. I was whispering in her ear and we were acting like soulmates. I wouldn’t expect a girl I was with to say she liked some other guys and then kick me out of her car. But if she said it I guess it must be real. She has never lied to me. I’m not happy to hear she cheated on me with some guy.

Dude, your brain STILL isn’t functioning right. You were staying at the Super 8. Sniper Eyes is gonna kick your door in tonight and give you a tracheotomy with her stilletto. And Corey? Vicki lied to you, bud. A bunch.

Friday’s Fifteen Minutes…

Ah, Friday! Time for a Friday’s Fifteen Minutes, where Z-listers get some press while they desperately try to go for twenty. Today’s guest is Landon Brown, son of the dapper and debonair Bobby Brown. Yeah, Landon’s one of his gazillion kids. Landon recently competed on MTV’s horrifying “Rock The Cradle”, where celebu-spawn fight it out American Idol style for a deal and some coin. (If you wanna see some crazy, check out some of the episodes online. Once you get to Chloe Lattanzi, you better strap yourself in).

Landon didn’t win, and the show is over. What’s a Z to do? Remember that you “got together” with Lindsay Lohan in a public bathroom! Landon’s obviously been holding these particular cards back, but saw the avalanche of lesbo-press Li-Lo’s been getting, and figured he’d better throw ’em down! If too many more neck-munching Samantha Ronson and Lindsay pics come out, Landon’d be S.O.L. SO…

“Me and Lindsay got really, really close. She followed me to the bathroom during a private party, and, well, we basically got together . . . I think she knew who I was when she first saw me. We were just staring at each other and she walked by. I walked into the bathroom and she followed me”

Landon would REALLY like for Lindsay to call him back too. He said so. Bless your little famewhoring heart, honey. Good luck with that. Maybe you should look into a wig…