Jennifer Aniston not adopting

Rumors have been circulating that Friends star Jennifer Aniston is planning on adopting a baby from Mexico, but she told Ellen DeGeneres that it’s simply not true.  During the interview, which will air on the Thursday episode of Ellen’s show, Jennifer laughs about the rumors and says that she has no plans to adopt any children… at least not right now.

Jennifer joked that she didn’t understand why the press was focused on her when her Just Go with It co-star, Adam Sandler adopted four Mexican children and nobody said anything about it.  It’s jokes like that, that show why Jennifer’s comedy career has gone the way it has.

David Schwimmer’s been married for four months

While Friends star Courteney Cox is splitting from her husband, David Arquette, her co-star David Schwimmer just announced that he got married four months ago in a private ceremony that he managed to hide from… well, everyone.  Schwimmer married photographer Zoe Buckman back in June, and the two managed to keep it so quiet that not even the paparazzi picked up on it.  A representative for the couple announced the news yesterday, though why they chose this particular timing is unclear.  I’m guessing they figured that no one would care four months after the fact, but honestly I’m not sure people would have cared that much about his wedding anyway.  Now, if Jennifer Aniston ever gets married again… that’ll be a different story.

Jennifer Aniston Puckers Up, Needs New Friend

Stalker Jennifer Aniston is about to turn 40 and is dating 10-year younger John Mayer. All the tabs and mags have Jen waltzing down the aisle with John this year (but not Snarkista). John’s a known flirt, which only inflames Jen’s flypaper tendencies. So…what’s a middle-aged woman to do? Trout pout, natch.

Looks like Stalker’s been up in the Restylane a bit! Behold the pics above; the left one’s from 2005, and the right one’s from the other day. Go ahead, click ’em and check it out up close. Not that the obvious work needs to be magnified. Ah, the slippery slope beckoneth. The work apparently took place in early July, when Jen hid out in the weeks before the birth of ex-husband Brad Pitt’s messiahs twins with Angelina Jolie.

‘It seems obvious she had some work done,’ a “close friend” told the UK Daily Mail, noting her lips had a ‘stiff, unnatural pucker that just didn’t fit the rest of her face’. SO true, but if Snarkista were Jennifer, she’d cut that “friend” loose ASAP! AND, cut the bitch on her way out!!

The “friend” also said Jen confided that she has indeed undergone a number of lip-boosting procedures. Confided. Dang. That is effin’ pitiful. Stalker used to have better Friends.