Madonna’s Having A Meltdown

The stress of this past month and ALL of the drama is apparently taking its toll on Madonna. Vadge has fired two dancers and her tour manager is threatening to walk out over her crazy mood swings. Is the Material Girl becoming the Menopausal Grouch? Despite her fitness-junkie regime, her health has started to suffer.

Madonna is reportedly anemic, a big sign she is overdoing it. What with A-Rod, Guy, her brother Christopher’s tell-all book and trying to reunite Justin Timberlake and Britney on her plate, Snarkista’s not surprised. She’s also suffered a painful knee injury. So, Vadge has had a doctor, physiotherapist and a chiropractor on duty during rehearsals for her upcoming Sticky & Sweet world tour. And probably some Kaballah dude to keep her red strings tidy and the Kaballah water flowing.

This week the docs ordered her to cool it with the punishing dance routines because her body simply can NOT cope. She ain’t no spring chicken, y’all. She’s now taking a time-out, and resting up in the Hamptons with her close bud Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyinnie better tiptoe around, because the strain has pushed Vadge’s famous mood swings to terrifying new extremes. A source close to Madonna said:

She is doing LESS than OK. She’s been rehearsing for the tour and she is totally miserable. She’s down physically and mentally. The situation with Guy is very, very tense. The way the press are going crazy with the A-Rod story, her brother’s book and her physical exhaustion are all taking their toll.

One of her closest pals says she has never seen Madonna so low. She says Vadge is feeling depressed and looking really gaunt. “Madonna was told to take it easy on work and rehearsals, so she will now take one day off every week and go easy in the mornings. She has a blood analysis done every few days — including one during last Friday’s rehearsal in front of everyone.” Madonna just couldn’t resist THAT drama!

Now might be a FAB time for Guy to duck back to England. Madonna with MORE mood swings, on forced rest, is gonna be even more of a capital-B beeyotch. If that’s even possible. She might just flip on out and eat him for lunch. With fava beans and a nice chianti.

Looks Like It’s Over

Rumors are getting louder that Madonna will split from husband Guy Ritchie at the end of her “Sticky and Sweet” world tour. Madge and Guy have reportedly decided to end their seven-year marriage but won’t make an announcement until her tour finishes in Mexico November 29.

Snarkista told you a while back that this was probably coming.. A source close to the couple told Britain’s Daily Mirror newspaper:

“Although the marriage is coming to an end, they don’t want to say anything until the tour is over. They live like brother and sister rather than husband and wife and thought it best to call it a day. There’s been speculation about them having furious fights, but they have just grown apart. They’ve decided they’re better off as friends. It’s sad, but they’re determined to keep it amicable.

Madonna, 49, is said to be planning to split her time between her properties in London, New York and Los Angeles after the separation. Her New York apartment is being extended and renovated to accommodate her children and staff. No word on what type of custody arrangement would be agreed upon for the three kids they raise- Lourdes, 11, Rocco, seven, and two-year-old David, whose adoption was just recently finalized.

Madonna is also said to be crushed that her brother Christopher is writing an explosive book on the singer’s sex and drug-fueled past, which he claims is the cause of the failed marriage. A source close to the singer said: “Madonna is very saddened by Christopher’s behavior. As far as she’s concerned her brother going public is the ultimate betrayal. He can’t need the money that badly.”

Christopher’s just following the blueprint Madonna herself laid out long ago- that exploitation is an easy road to riches. She’s spent a career exploiting her image and personal life, and it seems Christopher is just following the map.

Is Madonna Calling It Quits?

British site Holy Moly is reporting that Madge has hired take-no-prisoners attorney Nicholas Mostyn QC to help her out of her marriage to Guy Ritchie. Mostyn is the guy who helped Heather Mills lighten Paul McCartney’s wallet, and is apparently quite the brute. Maybe Madonna’s deluded herself into thinking Justin Timberlake has the hots for her!

Rumor has it there’s NO PRENUP! I call bullshit on that, cuz Madge is definitely in love with her money more than anything. She’s way to shrewd to screw up on that! If she doesn’t have one, Guy has mad hypnotic powers. Guy and Madge have “grown apart”; Guy wants to focus on movies and has gotten scared by Madonna’s freaky pumped-up arms.

Forbes says Madge earned over $70 million last year. Lock the safe!! We’ll see if Guy can find his own big gun to duke it out for the money.