Madonna to open a string of gyms

This woman never quits with the entrepreneurial spirit – Madonna, just weeks after announcing a new fashion line, has now put out a press release stating that she will open a chain of fitness centers called Hard Candy, after her album of the same name.  But these won’t just be your run-of-the-mill gyms; they’ll combine exercise, fashion, and entertainment in quantities to be revealed at a later date.

The first Hard Candy location is due to open in Mexico City next month, and ten other locations will soon follow.  The most interesting tidbit: not one of the first wave of Hard Candy branches is to be located in the US.  Make of that what you will.

Madonna’s Bandage Bondage: Please Just Stop

Obviously, Madonna has NO intention of growing old gracefully. The Ancient One got strapped, wrapped and laced into a crazy getup to promote her album, Hard Candy. Look for this outfit to show up on Britney Spears in the near future.

Madonna’s sporting bandages around her chest and wrists, in an attempt to appear sexy or tough. Girl, you look good for 50, but PLEASE PUT SOME CLOTHES ON. You are embarrassing an entire generation. Surely Lourdes and Rocco are hiding somewhere right now muttering “I hate my mom, I hate my mom…”. Parents are naturally cringe-inducing, Madonna. Don’t make it worse than it already is.