Crimes Against Fashion: Miley Cyrus Edition

miley cyrus crimes against fashion

What in the birthday cake are you wearing, Miley? These are the OSCARS, little vixen. You are not fooling ANYONE in that getup, they’ve all seen your hacked pix. So, did Disney pick it out? From the traveling dinner theater production of “The Little Mermaid: It’s Your Birthday, Ariel!”?

Wait a minute… it’s all coming together now…Tina Knowles got to you! That HAS to be it, it’s a Beyonce leftover from the family’s House Of DereonBeyonce and poor Solange written all over it. Quick! Run away from the glue guns, Miley! They’re coming with the FEATHERS!

Sasha Fierce Needs A Stylist

Beyonce Knowles, who now REALLY wants you to call her “Sasha Fierce”…at least when she’s performing, hit the stage at the MTV Europe Music Awards in THIS piece of garbage. Cans. Beyonce’s obviously stolen baby sis Solange’s design-book! Sasha Fierce will soon be looking like Big Bird Fierce if this emulation continues. The House Of Dereon curse of fugly strikes again!

Solange Knowles Is House Of Dereon Victim

UPDATE!: Watch Solange show her ASS Wednesday in an interview with Fox News Las Vegas! The lesser diva got pissy with the anchorwoman after seeing a teaser regarding the closing of Jay-Z’s Vegas nightclub. The thing is, the teaser HADN’T aired! The rest of the story is here at Poptarts. It is NOT flattering. Bratz alert!!

Poor Solange Knowles either isn’t very swooft or she’s been brainwashed by evil sis Beyonce and fuggery designer mom Tina. They have foisted so many bad outfits on Solange that Snarkista is concerned for her mental health. Just look at what they did to her in her latest video! Criminal.

They have to talk her into wearing this shizz by telling her it’s cutting-edge, highly demanded House Of Derrierre couture, all while Beyonce cackles a witchy laugh. Solange doesn’t even get a new belt. She must not understand math, or she’d look at House Of Dereon’s books and realize that NOBODY’S buying that crap. You KNOW Queen B has to be floating mama to keep her out of the way.

Tina Knowles can only get Solange (and occasionally Beyonce) to wear her creations. Now, if you need some good cameltoe wear, or wanna look like Big Bird, RUN to Tina and she will hook you right up. But if Solange doesn’t watch it, she’s gonna become the next Juliet Lewis. That is NOT a good thing.

Crimes Against Fashion: Solange Knowles Edition

This should probably be “Crimes Against Fashion: Tina Knowles Edition.” However, Solange Knowles IS an adult, and presumably has the ability to say “HELL NO, MOM!” She didn’t, so Solange is charged with the crime. There is SO much wrong with Solange’s new video for her lame song “Sandcastle Disco”. Solange can NOT dance. (She can, however, play charades.) Snarkista’s not wild about her singing. But all of this pales in comparison to the horrifying costumes that have been foisted upon poor Solange.

To say they are fugly is being incredibly kind. We have Solange in a great imitation of a Goodwill cocktail dress. Solange in an outfit that is unclassifiable, but resembles a giant Barry Manilow “Copacabana” shirt. It’s yellow, and it’s trying to EAT Solange while she “dances” on a giant piano. Then there’s Solange as Big Bird. It is all unbelievably god-awful.

Solange hasn’t gotten the memo that the only thing she’s ever gonna star in is House Of Dereon ads. Big sissy Beyonce got that written in stone a LONG time ago. Poor Solange is relegated to pantomiming with backup girls who can also pantomime. It’s painful. Extremely painful. Solange? If your video looks like it was made by Sesame Street, you REALLY need to kick somebody’s ass. Here’s an even better idea. Get some revenge on Beyonce by “helping mama design”. That would be a hellofa lot more fun.

Poll: Beyonce’s “House of Dereon” For Kids

house of dereon kids yikesBeyonce and mom Tina Knowles have extended the god-awful clothing line named after B’s poor grandmom. Now, YOUR kids can dress like little Lolitas AND help support Beyonce and Tina’s nasty rhinestone and glitter habits! That shiz is CRACK for those two! What’s next- kiddie cameltoes? Gramma must be rolling in her grave. Is Snarkista just a big prude? Vote and give me your opinion!