Because even on Jenny’s block there’s a recession. Couture jewelry designers often loan their pricey baubles, for stars to wear at awards shows and other high-profile functions. Like seeing Stalker Aniston wearing a $6 million dollar necklace is going to compel you to run out and buy one. I digress.

Jennifer borrowed $50,000 worth of diamonds from Robert Mouawad to attend the launch of Andrea Lieberman’s fashion line, ALC, at Barneys in Beverly Hills. It’s not the Oscars, but Jenny won’t be up for one of those, ever. Lucky Robert Mouwad; diva decided to keep the loaner diamonds to add to her private collection.

“We received a call from her manager Benny Medina, informing us that Jennifer was going to keep the jewelry,” an insider blabbed to the NY Posts yesterday. “As far as Mr. Mouawad is concerned, Jennifer can have whatever she wants, but a premature demand seemed presumptuous.”

Fools! Presumptuous is J. Lo’s middle name! J. P. Lo will inform you via her peeps that today is YOUR lucky day…’cuz she’s ripping you off. No need to thank her. She might even use whatever it is twice!

“Marc and Jennifer are planning on announcing their divorce right after Marc’s show at Madison Square Garden on Feb. 14,” a friend of the couple tells us. “Jennifer is planning on joining Marc onstage for a surprise duet. Things haven’t been right for a while now, and they thought it would be a bittersweet farewell. They’re definitely planning a clean break in February.”

Oh, the drama! “Surprise, Marc! Happy Valentine’s day, suckah. I’m leavin’ your bony ass! In front of thousands!” Skeletor and J. Lo have been married just over four years and are the parents of 10-month-old twins Max and Esme. They renewed their vows in a surprise Las Vegas ceremony back in October, but sources close to the pair say that it didn’t help, and that their relationship has been on a downward spiral in recent months. Lopez, 39, raised eyebrows when she arrived at “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” premiere in early December without her wedding or engagement rings.

Skeletor, 40, has been spotted sans his own wedding band at N.Y.C. hot spots such as Bungalow 8. He was also caught partying — bandless — with pal Eva Longoria Parker at Lavo in Las Vegas on Dec. 8. Eva needs to get some LASIC. Looks like Jennifer finally did. Marc’s reportedly a control freak, and J. Lo blames him for controlling her right out of a career. We’ll see if this can breathe some life into her slump…maybe she should start calling the papz like Britney! Cheeto run!

OK magazine says Jennifer is pissed at Marc for not letting her show her booty any more, and making her wear matron-wear instead. He’s been picking out her clothes and monitoring her phone calls! She also blames him for her lack of a career now, and he reportedly isn’t ANY help with the twins.

Not to be outdone, Marc has been badmouthing his wife. One night after their tense family Thanksgiving in which the couple “didn’t sit together,” he hit NYC hotspots Bungalow 8 and Marquee, where he was spotted with his hand on a woman’s thigh and overheard complaining about his wife to a group of women, “telling them, ‘She’s making me miserable,’” a source says.

Looks like Jennifer must have gotten Lasik treatments, and realized she’s been sleeping with a zombie. If it means WE don’t have to look at Skeletor any more, Snarkista says GO FOR IT, girl.