Jessica Simspon Gets Canned By Her Country Label

jessica simpson opryJoe Galante, head of Sony BMG is one of the biggest of the big dogs here in Nashville. So, Jessica Simpson had the shot of a lifetime when he signed her on as a country artist. Galante did a wee roll of the dice after a Papa Joe snow job. He obviously DIDN’T throw a lot of cash into the deal. Seemingly zillions of painful performances later, including a COMPLETE desecration of the High Church of Country Music, The Grand Old Opry, Galante has mercifully pulled the plug on J. Simp’s country adventure.

Jessica Being A Boob At The Opry


Country Music Tattle Tale
dished yesterday that:

If you remember – back in December – we told you that rumors were flying that Joe Galante, the head of Sony BMG Nashville was furious with all of her antics. They were threatening to drop her from the label.
Could these rumors finally becoming true after her shaking tour with Rascal Flatts?
Our reader noticed the following:
Today, her name appears nowhere among the artists listed on the web sites of Columbia Nashville or Sony Music Nashville. Even a search of each site finds that any prior mention of her photos, profile, press releases – has apparently been purged.

PURGED. You don’t get more gone than that. Galante apparently had enough of too much onstage yammering about Tony Romo, too much boobage and appearances in bingo halls, too many God-awful He-Haw outfits, and too much Papa Joe Simpson “managing” the trainwreck. Besides, there was no way Nashville would ever take that shizz seriously. I smell a reality show coming!

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Jessica Simpson: A Bad Night In Grand Rapids

Jessica Simpson Grand Rapids Meltdown

Stop the pain! Jessica Simpson’s having a run of bad performances…some because she insists upon YAMMERING about her Cowboy Tony Romo. Actually, Jess does this every time. But something else she’s been doing a LOT of, is screwing up onstage.

Last night, Chesty was in Grand Rapids, MI., and Tony missed his flight. So…bipolar meltdown. In between blurbs like “I’m so excited, I get to see my boyfriend tomorrow” and “He’s the person who makes me relax”, she shocked fans with several onstage bloopers, then eventually walked off in tears. Chest was opening for Rascal Flatts, and gave about 40 minutes full of embarrassing crapola.

She kept screwing with her in-ear monitors throughout the show, lost her place in several songs, and totally FORGOT the lyrics to her song “Come on Over“.

There’s more. (I told you it was a bad night.) Jessica stopped during the intro to “Pray Out Loud“, asked her band start over, before mouthing the word “sorry” to the crowd. She told the massive 8000-person audience: “My voice is weak tonight.” In a bizarre introduction to her last song of the set, “Do You Know“, Jess said she wished she could “walk off the stage”.

At the merciful end of the show, she did walk offstage in tears, after thanking her band for “having her back.” One concert-goer told the Grand Rapids Press, “I felt bad for her tonight. It was uncomfortable to watch.”

It’s obvious that Chesty wants to be at home, barefoot and preggers. Married to Tony, of course. She is NOT above throwing hail-marys if she has to, and Snarkista thinks her crappy shows are all a part of her devious plan! You are so sneaky, Chesty.

Crimes Against Fashion: Jessica Simpson Edition

jessica-simpson-mom-jeans
Holy mom-jeans, Jessica. No! This outfit absolutely gets a top-4 seed in the “Jessica Simpson Crimes Against Fashion Tournament and Chili Cookoff.” Which is sorta where Jessica was when she squeezed into THIS little number! A chili-cookoff, that is, doing her act in front of 3,000 actual people! It beats bingo halls and bowling alleys (actual J. Simp venues in the past 12 months).

Let’s see if these high-waisted denim-diapers look any better from the back.
jessica-simpson-mom-jeans2

No they do not. A more stumpifying garment has yet to be created. And those suckers are chafing you so bad, you’re gonna be crying in the powder room, if you know what I mean.

Jessica, we ALL know you’re trying your damnedest to set the hook into Tony Romo’s football fortune, because you yammer about it onstage constantly. This is between yammering sessions to the press with TOO MUCH INFORMATION.

You’re probably DYING to be a mom and have a lil’ Tony. But please don’t confuse mom-jeans with motherhood, honey, or you’ll NEVER get there.

Jessica Simpson Coming To A Bingo Hall Near You


Blame genius manager Papa Joe for this! Jessica Simpson has been reduced to playing at BINGO HALLS. Granny regulars at the San Manuel Indian Bingo & Casino in Highland, California had to take their A-games elsewhere when Chestica popped in for a gig November 13th. According to OK magazine,

The hall’s florescent lighting, dirty carpet and fried-food odor is a far cry from the venues J-Simp played back when her album In This Skin sold 7 million copies. “Jessica’s dressing room at the bingo hall was a little larger than a broom closet,” an insider tells OK!. “There’s an iron, but no ironing board. There’s not even a fridge!”

Chesty doesn’t need an ironing board for her country milkmaid duds, but no fridge is a big FAIL for Papa Joe! Actually Papa Joe gets a big F for ALL of his daughter-management skilz. His only hope for cash lately is peddling baby pics. You know he has SOME offer on the table for Tony Romo. Hopefully, Jessica won’t blab about it during her next gig at the VFW.

Jessica Simpson DENIED By The CMAs


Whomever thought that Jessica Simpson was gonna be a part of the Country Music Awards in Nashville Wednesday night has bats in the brain! Some can’t BELIEVE that Jess wasn’t nominated for Newcomer of The Year, didn’t present an award, and didn’t even GO to the CMAs. Why? Because Jessica isn’t taken seriously by the very serious powers-that-be in Nashville.

Papa Joe thought Jessica could revive her “career” by making the switch to country music, but this idea has turned out to be a flopper. Jessica’s country album is a yawner, and the songs she wrote are crappy. This is a singer-songwriter town, but you have to be a GOOD singer-songwriter to get any respect. Great for fans of country music, not great for Jessica. No amount of milkmaid dresses and cowboy boots can change that.

Carrie Underwood
hosted the CMAs with Brad Paisley, and everyone knows that Carrie is not a Jessica Simspon fan. It’s quite within the realm of believability that Underpants banned Jess from the awards. It’s definitely something the diva would do, and would be another dig at Jess in their ongoing feud over Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo.

So…Jessica’s gonna have to go off, nurse her wounds, and if she wants to make it in country music: cut a decent album. It’s pretty bad when your hometown newspaper, The Dallas Morning News, gives you a scathing review. Oh, and one more thing- CUT OUT THE ONSTAGE BLABBERING ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE, JESSICA! Nobody wants to hear that shizz.

Papz Beat Up Little Ken Paves, Jessica Simpson Rushes Him To Hospital

TMZ is reporting that a crazy paparazzi busted Jessica Simpson’s BFF and bad weave pusher hairdresser extraordinaire Ken Paves in the FACE last night with his camera! Reportedly, Paves was leading Jessica out of the restaurant Madeo, trying to help her through the crowd of nutty papz, when an overzealous one popped him face-on near his eye. Paves was bleeding profusely, and Jessica had to rush him to the hospital. Let this be a warning to all celebs- be extra careful on a slow news night…the papz get extra aggressive! It’s the economy, stupid! As of this writing, no police charges have been reported, but the offending photographer shouldn’t get TOO comfy. Pick on somebody your own size!

photo credit: TMZ