Tony Romo Dumps Jessica Simpson


And he did it with such EXQUISITE timing! The day before her “Barbie and Ken” themed 29th birthday!! Way to get out of the gift dilemma AND the certain awkward pics, Tony. It’s hard to find those yee-haw milkmaid dresses that J. Simp seems to be enamored of, and, well…it looks like jewelry was out of the question.

Jessica, of course, is heartbroken. She and Romo have been dating since 2007, and her “concert” shoutouts to her Cowboy are legendary loads of Too Much Information. A snitch friend tells People that:

“She is heartbroken. She loves Tony. But it’s been difficult lately. He’s busy with his career and she’s getting ready to shoot her show. They decided to part ways.”

Papa Joe Simpson is officially getting the blame for the bust-up for his notorious meddling ways. Dallas Cowboy fans everywhere are PUMPED.

Jessica Simpson Coming To A Bingo Hall Near You

Blame genius manager Papa Joe for this! Jessica Simpson has been reduced to playing at BINGO HALLS. Granny regulars at the San Manuel Indian Bingo & Casino in Highland, California had to take their A-games elsewhere when Chestica popped in for a gig November 13th. According to OK magazine,

The hall’s florescent lighting, dirty carpet and fried-food odor is a far cry from the venues J-Simp played back when her album In This Skin sold 7 million copies. “Jessica’s dressing room at the bingo hall was a little larger than a broom closet,” an insider tells OK!. “There’s an iron, but no ironing board. There’s not even a fridge!”

Chesty doesn’t need an ironing board for her country milkmaid duds, but no fridge is a big FAIL for Papa Joe! Actually Papa Joe gets a big F for ALL of his daughter-management skilz. His only hope for cash lately is peddling baby pics. You know he has SOME offer on the table for Tony Romo. Hopefully, Jessica won’t blab about it during her next gig at the VFW.

Tony Romo’s Not On Line 1

Ah, you KNEW Papa Joe Simpson wasn’t gonna let Carrie Underwood get away with saying that Tony Romo still calls her! HELL to the NO! TMZ’s reporting that despite what Underpants told Allure magazine earlier this week, Tony’s lost her number…he says he DOESN’T call. Seems Carrie just can’t let the catfight go, not that Jessica Simpson didn’t egg her on with that “Real Girls Eat Meat” shirt. (If vegan-Carrie wasn’t in the picture, that would just seem porny. I digress.)

Carrie told Allure that Tony calls, but she doesn’t always answer. Er, guess that’s actually NEVER answers! Oops! Here’s a little secret: Snarkista had the fun of observing Carrie and Tony for an evening when they WERE dating. Let’s just say that Tony’s a very nice guy, and Underpants is a royal wedgie. Also, Carrie’s from Oklahoma and Snarkista’s a native Texan. Bish, plz.

Just ‘Cuz She’s From Texas Doesn’t Mean She’s Country

Snarkista can say this with authority as she was born and raised in Texas, and has lived in Nashville for a LOOOONG time. Papa Joe And Jessica Simpson’s Country Reinvention Experiment didn’t start off too well. Snarkista’s told you before that country music radio and fans are notoriously hard to crack. Just because Jessica’s decided she’s a little bit country doesn’t mean shizz to most folks who know the real deal.

Jessica squeezed into some daisy-dukes for a performance in Kenosha, Wisconsin Saturday night, but skepticism was elevated hours before her debut country performance. Jess was opening for Sara Evans, who has SERIOUSLY paid her country dues. The crowd at Country Thunder had their doubts about whether the pop diva could stack up against other country music acts. In fact, lots of them were NOT impressed!

“Just because she’s dating Tony Romo it doesn’t make her country,” said Mike Rodriguez, 31, from Lake Geneva. “She doesn’t fit in with country, and I’ll have to drink a lot of beer to sit through her concert.” Zach Schlodt, 19, of Palatine, Ill., agreed. Simpson’s heart isn’t in country music, and she is just banking on the genre’s popularity, he said. “She’s an embarrassment to country music,” he added.

Jessica took the stage to a mixture of boos and cheers Saturday night. She sashayed onto the stage in the daisy-dukes, a white button-down shirt and cowboy boots, singing a cover of Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boots are Made for Walking.” Yawn. Her set included several cover songs, including “On the Road Again,” and Shania Twain’s “Who’s Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?”

She sang a few songs from her upcoming album “Do You Know,” and the first single “Come On Over.” The crowd wasn’t thrilled when she sang one of her pop hits “With You.” They also weren’t thrilled that Simpson played after real country singer, Kellie Pickler.

The audience didn’t seem to buy the schtick. “I just don’t hear the country in her; I don’t hear the twang. She’s not good enough to be here,” said Adam Matos, 21, from Arlington Heights, Ill. One man didn’t mince words: “It’s crap,” said Ryan Sia, 28, from East Troy. “She doesn’t belong here.”

Papa Joe’s got some heavy lifting to do if he’s gonna make this country thing work out. Country fans can spot a phony a mile away, and they’ll STAY away if they do. Jessica hasn’t paid her dues in their eyes, and it’s gonna take a LOT of work to change their minds. Dating Tony Romo doesn’t count.

Jessica Simpson Wants To Hug Your Boobs

Papa Joe strikes again! Damn, that guy is good. Papa’s been watching Jessica grow from
A- cups to D-cups, and he’s an expert on those puppies.

That’s why Jessica now has a fashion line expansion deal with The Camuto Group, who hold the master license for Jess’s master brand. What’s the new stuff? Intimate Apparel!!! Papa Joe can’t WAIT for the print ads.

Beginning in spring of 2009 you can hoist your ta-ta’s just like Jessica! The Camuto Group forecasts that her entire brand should earn approximately $300 million dollars this year. That is a hellofa lot of cash just in case the country thing doesn’t pan out. Recession? Not in Simpson land!