In the most recent issue of Star, the editors issued a formal apology to Holmes, adding that they would make a significant donation to a charity in her name as a way to make amends.  Katie, ever gracious, has accepted the apology, and added that she was glad they resolved the matter amicably.

The appearance of Katie Holmes on Thursday night’s So You Think You Can Dance was much touted by the show as part of its 100th episode celebration. Holmes is one birthday clown, however, that I doubt anyone will be eager to book again. Holmes agreed to do the gig partially in support of the Dizzy Feet Foundation – a charity she co-created to support and increase access to dance education in the U.S. Well, Holmes certainly did have ‘dizzy feet’ last night, but frankly I doubt the charity wanted her to represent them quite so literally – or lamely.

Seriously, if you have not yet seen this bit of footage, be prepared to throw up in your mouth a little bit. That anyone could so horribly slaughter a tribute to the most fabulous Judy Garland is nearly reprehensible. I’m sure Judy was probably up in heaven simultaneously attempting to cover both eyes and ears. I know I was.

At least the bit was pre-recorded. I shudder to think what kind of insanity might have happened had Holmes been forced to attempt this debacle live.

Oh, and Katie – next time. Please, please wear some pants. Talk about needing some eyeball bleach…

Good grief, Katie Holmes is looking even more tired than usual these days. Tired and haggard and stalked. Stalked by her ever-present Scientology handlers, Kate was snapped attempting to play with lil’ bot Suri during a break from shooting her new horror flick “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark.”

Katie has way more shizz to be afraid of than the stupid dark! THETANS AND TOMMY GIRL, just to name a couple. Lord, the poor thing has aged 20 years since she hooked up with the former Top Gun.

Somebody please save Katie. People save the whales, you know…but it would take a Mission Impossible operation to rescue Katie from the clutches of Xenu. She’s shooting her movie in Australia- that’s where those “Whale Wars” Sea Shepherds are…couldn’t they throw some of their stinky bombs at her zombie jailers? If not, can’t someone at LEAST call her parents?!

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Britain’s Now magazine reports:

Tom’s desire to have another baby has put a strain on 30-year-old Katie — who is struggling with feelings of inadequacy thanks to Cruise’s constant scrutiny, according to a report in British magazine Now.

“Suri had her third birthday on 18 April and it was clear at her ‘princess party’ how much Tom adores her,” a source told the publication.

“But he hoped she’d have a brother or sister by now. They agreed to try as soon as Katie finished her Broadway play in January, but it hasn’t happened.

“Tom’s control, through Scientology, has been almost unbearable for Katie. But the more she’s fought it, the tougher he gets. Never having any space to herself is stressful for her.”

Following the April 12 death of her brother-in-law, Katie had been getting closer to her parents again and went back home to Ohio for the funeral.

“It seemed like a good time to reach out to them,” the insider said. “She’s feeling the strain of being under the watchful eye of the Scientologists and wanted to build bridges again.”

John Duignan, a member of the cult for 20 years who knows people in Tom’s entourage, explains,

“If she’s under pressure to provide another child, they’ll use very powerful mind-control techniques to help Tom get what he wants. Katie had been in New York, talking to real people and then she was back in the world of Scientology.

“She could crack up. There are lots of suicides among Scientologists — it’s psychologically very damaging. At least she’s been exposed to outside influences. But it’s difficult to escape, especially with a child.”

It will take a Mission Impossible style operation to extract poor Katie and Suri from the clutches of the madman and L. Ron Hubbard’s brainwashers. Scientology kills. Google it.

Kate zips us back to the 70′s…in a shiny shiny jumpsuit that may be something Mimi Rogers left with Tommy-girl years ago. Those tent pants could hide a Suri clone or even a spare E-meter. And the goldwashed accessories just scream “original Charlie’s Angels meets Claire’s.” Ditto for the bag. Someone PLEASE distract Katie from foraging any further into fashion design and execution. She’s used to people telling her what to do, so a little effort should do the trick. Use the Scientology rundown if you have to. Stylist!

Australia’s NW magazine details how much Katie’s looks have declined in the last 2 years, and the side-by-side comparison ain’t pretty. Two years ago she was all bright eyes, rosy cheeks and 100-watt smiles after marrying Tom, the top clown of public exuberance. Now a “sad and sullen individual”, Holmes “sports sunken cheeks and dark circles under her lifeless eyes and seems barely able to lift her head, let alone crack a smile as she wanders around New York by herself.”

NW says the slide for Katiebot really picked up when Tommy-girl made her chop her hair short. She cried and cried. And then he wouldn’t let her look nice or talk to other men or go anywhere without a security guard spying on her. She did gather all the strength she had left to throw a great big bronze statue at a wall in Tommy’s office, and he had to get builders in to fix the damage. Katie surely spent some dungeon-time as punishment for that one!

But what to do about the haggard looks? Wise up and escape? Hell, no. Katie’s gonna fix the problem Scientology-style! She will be putting herself through the cult’s “purification rundown detox“, where one spends way too much time in the sauna and ingests dangerous amounts of Niacin, which will ruin your liver. THAT will make ya look better, Katie! Yellow skin just SCREAMS “young and healthy.” Sigh. You made your bed…

Not out like your hubby Tommy wants to have the gays be, with his proposal for a U.S. gay census like the UK has (for realz!). That’s a subject for another post, although it is QUITE amusing coming from Ms. Tom. No, Katie, just out like PLEASE DON’T GO OUT DRESSED LIKE THIS ANY MORE! You’re hogging all of the CAF awards. Pamela Anderson and Solange Knowles are getting pissed. Do not mess with Solange- she will cut a bitch. With FEATHERS!

Tom revealed his present to robot devoted Katie today… a Salvia divinorum mint plant in full blossom! Ah, mint, you say. Great for cooking! Tommy will be making some “special tea” for Katie soon. He found a small specimen of the plant, known as “the Sage of the Seers,” in an East Village WITCHCRAFT store. The plant is indigenous to Mexico and was and is used by shamans of the Mazatec Indians for its ability to create visions and hallucinations. Just what every woman dreams of! VIVIDLY.

Look for Katie to commit more “crimes against fashion” soon, yet in a much more colorful way. Happy Birthday, “Kate”!

Reportedly, at some point next year, Tom & Katie will hold a ceremony during which both the Cruises and the Beckhams will “vow to be brothers and sisters and exchange heartfelt speeches.” A source tells the site, “Tom wanted to make a special gesture that would show how much he appreciates their friendship and he thought this would be the perfect way.” The joining will take place at Katie’s New York hideout townhouse.

Tommy wants to make a “special gesture” towards Becks, alright, and besides- you KNOW this has to be some kind of Scientology trap! Don’t walk down the aisle, Beckhams! Wrap that turkey of a Thanksgiving gift back up and give it to Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz. They’ll be ALL for it, (especially Pete) and Papa Joe can sell the wedding pics! Bonus!