Madonna opens her new expensive gym

Madonna’s new ultra-fancy gym, Hard Candy Fitness, opened in Mexico City yesterday with a huge amount of publicity.  The material girl herself taught a class at the gym yesterday , and it looked like it was attended mostly by professional dancers and underwear models (no surprise there, then).

Apparently a membership at the luxury fitness center costs $160 per month.  That kind of membership fee seems insultingly steep to me – is the average salary of a Mexico City resident high enough that $160 for a gym membership is actually reasonable, or is this Madonna’s way of excluding all but the most wealthy people?  I didn’t think she was that hard-up for cash.

Brahim Rachiki’s mother outs his relationship with Madonna

Madonna has been going out of her way to kill rumors that she’s romantically involved with 33-year-old choreographer Brahim Rachiki.  Rachiki’s mother, however, tells a different story.  In an interview for a UK newspaper, Patricia Vidal said that her son was definitely dating the Material Girl, and that she finds the entire situation a bit strange.

Vidal says that Madonna was already a pop phenomenon when Vidal herself was back in school, so it’s a bit strange for one of her childhood pop idols to be dating her son.  Madonna’s reps have said that Vidal’s tale is fabricated, and that it’s absolutely untrue that Madonna and Rachiki are dating.  Which of course means they totally are.

Madonna to open a string of gyms

This woman never quits with the entrepreneurial spirit – Madonna, just weeks after announcing a new fashion line, has now put out a press release stating that she will open a chain of fitness centers called Hard Candy, after her album of the same name.  But these won’t just be your run-of-the-mill gyms; they’ll combine exercise, fashion, and entertainment in quantities to be revealed at a later date.

The first Hard Candy location is due to open in Mexico City next month, and ten other locations will soon follow.  The most interesting tidbit: not one of the first wave of Hard Candy branches is to be located in the US.  Make of that what you will.

Lil Wayne in good spirits, joking about Madonna

Rapper Lil Wayne is finally set to be released from jail on the 4th of November, and he’s already starting to organize plans for the following weekend.  On Tuesday, MTV broadcast a phone call that they had with Wayne, in which they talked to him about a concert that’s being planned in his honor.  Wayne was asked which music act he’d like to see performing at that concert, and without missing a beat he replied, “Madonna,” and then laughed and said he was joking.  Wayne added that it’s the strength and dedication of his fans that has kept him going through his ordeal, and that he’s been enjoying reading his fan mail and looking forward to seeing his friends.

Madonna’s stalker claims it’s not a crime to adore her with sharp weapons

Yesterday a stalker was picked up by police outside Madonna’s home in Manhattan.  The man, a retired firefighter named Robert Linhart, had a seven-inch ice pick on his person when he was arrested for harassment.  Linhart’s attorney says that adoring Madonna is not a crime, and that there is no evidence to show that Linhart was planning on using the ice pick unlawfully.  Yes, because there are so many legitimate reasons one might need an ice pick when walking down the street.  You never know when you might come across one of those famous Upper West Side sidewalk-icebergs… in September.  In any case, Madonna attended last night’s opening for her daughter’s new Material Girl clothing line, and told reporters that she was not frightened of the stalker or worried about her safety.

Cops Call B.S. On Madonna’s Horse Tale

madonnas freaky bod

Madonna fell off of her horse the other day, and blamed the papz for jumping out of the bushes…spooking the poor thing. The problem is, the papz who were blamed said that Vadge was telling a tall tale.

TMZ is reporting that the police took a report of the incident, and the cops say no one from Madonna’s camp said ANYTHING about a photographer causing the oopsident.

Sgt. Herbert Johnson from the Southampton Village P.D. said:

“There is no mention of photographers. It’s a matter of spin control that went out of control. If they felt there was something else, they would have written ‘paparazzi’ in the form — if they felt there was a problem.”

Snarkista is not surprised! Seriously. If your sides were being crushed by the freaky muscles of Madonna’s thighs, wouldn’t YOU try to ditch the bissh? Exactly. Case closed.

Madonna Kidnapped Jesus


The family of Madonna’s latest boy-toy, Jesus Luz, says that Vadge has kidnapped their loved one! Jesus, who used to live with his family hasn’t talked to them in over 2 months. The last contact the family had with Jesus was a quick text he sent in December, telling his mom he wouldn’t be home for the holidays and wishing the family a Happy Christmas.The New York Post reported this week that:

“The hunk’s mortified mom, Cristiane Regina da Silva — who is 14 years younger than Madonna — believes the pop diva has kidnapped her son, snatching him away to a New York love nest and controlling his every move,”

OBVIOUSLY, Jesus is being held hostage. Vadge has headlocked him one too many times with her massive biceps, and he’s suffered a bit of brain damage. This is the ONLY logical explanation for his hotness hanging with Ms. Notness. When the gates open for Lourdes to go to school…run, Jesus, run and don’t look back…lest you turn into a pillar of stone. Vadge is that dangerous.