Look Both Ways, NYC!

Heads up, New York City, today may be one crazy-ass day. One of Britney Spear’s personalities is gonna be shooting a video for Madonna’s upcoming “Sticky and Sweet” tour. Hopefully Madonna’s drivers won’t be the ones ferrying Brit-Brit around, ‘cuz somebody’s gonna get pancaked if they are! Madonna’s rep Liz is probably on I.V. Xanax right now after all the Madonna shizz that hit the fan LAST week. Now she’s got Britney on her hands. Liz’s pact with the devil contract is looking pretty crappy right now.

A source close to Britney revealed told The Sun they are recording a video together on Sunday that will provide the backdrop for part of Madonna’s show. Giant big-screen Britney? There better be some Photoshop MASTERS working on that one, as Snarkista doubts she’s lost the cheeto-belly since last week.

Madge is apparently considering adding a few Britney appearances to her tour as well. Of course, the details are vague, leaving plenty of wiggle room for “cancellations” should Britney not convert to Kaballah, or decides to revisit Mexico with Adnan.

He’s back, you know. Probably up in A-Rod’s batting cage trying to score Britney some of the ‘roids Madge uses to keep her freaky arms pumped up. You KNOW that A-Rod shizz wasn’t about the sex, cuz Madonna’s about as sexy as a box of Depends. ‘Roids are the ONLY thing quick enough to shape up Britney in time to pop in on Madonna’s tour…’cuz that Bally’s gym deal just ain’t cuttin’ it!

Snarkista’s fave part of the story, however, is that Madge is gonna have a scene in her show where she’s MUMMIFIED! Easiest special effect EVER. Watch your steps today, Gotham City.

Madonna’s Rep Needs A Martini

Geez it’s been a crappy couple of days to be Madonna’s rep Liz Rosenberg! Madonna and Guy AREN’T getting a divorce (yeah, wait till Christmas). A-Rod is NOT taking batting practice in the Vadge. Madonna DIDN’T get all royal and almost run down the little peeps while trying to get to rehearsal in New York. Madonna DIDN’T run any red lights during the time she wasn’t scaring the shizz out of said commoners. Madonna DIDN’T tell her chauffeur to use “lights and sirens” to get her to studios on time.
Sayeth La Rosenberg:

“I can’t imagine they would go through red lights unless there was a dire security emergency. But I’m sure she is transported with utmost respect for other people.”

Sadly, Madonna’s childhood home DID burn down, and there isn’t a damn thing Lizzy can do about that.

Looks Like It’s Over

Rumors are getting louder that Madonna will split from husband Guy Ritchie at the end of her “Sticky and Sweet” world tour. Madge and Guy have reportedly decided to end their seven-year marriage but won’t make an announcement until her tour finishes in Mexico November 29.

Snarkista told you a while back that this was probably coming.. A source close to the couple told Britain’s Daily Mirror newspaper:

“Although the marriage is coming to an end, they don’t want to say anything until the tour is over. They live like brother and sister rather than husband and wife and thought it best to call it a day. There’s been speculation about them having furious fights, but they have just grown apart. They’ve decided they’re better off as friends. It’s sad, but they’re determined to keep it amicable.

Madonna, 49, is said to be planning to split her time between her properties in London, New York and Los Angeles after the separation. Her New York apartment is being extended and renovated to accommodate her children and staff. No word on what type of custody arrangement would be agreed upon for the three kids they raise- Lourdes, 11, Rocco, seven, and two-year-old David, whose adoption was just recently finalized.

Madonna is also said to be crushed that her brother Christopher is writing an explosive book on the singer’s sex and drug-fueled past, which he claims is the cause of the failed marriage. A source close to the singer said: “Madonna is very saddened by Christopher’s behavior. As far as she’s concerned her brother going public is the ultimate betrayal. He can’t need the money that badly.”

Christopher’s just following the blueprint Madonna herself laid out long ago- that exploitation is an easy road to riches. She’s spent a career exploiting her image and personal life, and it seems Christopher is just following the map.

Is Madonna Calling It Quits?

British site Holy Moly is reporting that Madge has hired take-no-prisoners attorney Nicholas Mostyn QC to help her out of her marriage to Guy Ritchie. Mostyn is the guy who helped Heather Mills lighten Paul McCartney’s wallet, and is apparently quite the brute. Maybe Madonna’s deluded herself into thinking Justin Timberlake has the hots for her!

Rumor has it there’s NO PRENUP! I call bullshit on that, cuz Madge is definitely in love with her money more than anything. She’s way to shrewd to screw up on that! If she doesn’t have one, Guy has mad hypnotic powers. Guy and Madge have “grown apart”; Guy wants to focus on movies and has gotten scared by Madonna’s freaky pumped-up arms.

Forbes says Madge earned over $70 million last year. Lock the safe!! We’ll see if Guy can find his own big gun to duke it out for the money.

Madonna Is Over The Effin’ Hill

Over the weekend, Queen Madge blew onto British live TV and caused a big freakout all OVER the place. Dropped the F- bomb 4 times! In Need of Excedrin for Migraines: The BBC, BBCHD, BBC3, Radio 1, along with the other artists on the bill of “Radio 1’s Big Weekend” music event. Classy. The hosts and Radio One had to issue quick apologies to those who may have been offended.

It all appeared a bit desperate for Madonna; she was working a whip while delivering her “effin” tirade. Kinda uncool because she’s like, 50. And, she was preaching to “F* the present and live in the past!” Like when Madonna WASN’T 50-ISH. I bet Lourdes is pretty mortified. Her mom STILL trying to shock people and “remain relevant” is probably not a real thrill for the brow-endowed tween.

Reviews of Madge’s 20 minute set are tepid to harsh. Apparently, she was a big pain prior to the show as well, demanding not only all the backstage Kaballah krap and flowers you’d expect, but also a helicopter to ferry her from her home to the show, a whopping 38 miles. Gak.