Everyone going Gaga over the meat dress

Days after the MTV Video Music Awards, people are still talking about Lady Gaga’s meat dress.  And of course, that’s exactly why she wore it.  I’ve heard explanations ranging from “it’s a statement about the hypocrisy of meat-eating” to “it’s a statement about the world’s attitude toward women,” but really I think it’s just a statement about Lady Gaga’s desperate need for everyone to look at her.  She’d wear a disease-ridden raccoon around her neck if her publicist told her it would turn more heads.

I’m curious as to what happened to that meat after the VMAs were over – do you think she just hung the dress outside and waited for the vultures to come and devour it?  Actually, that’s mean, I shouldn’t talk about the paparazzi that way.  But it’ll be interesting to see what Gaga has to do next to get the cameras turned her way.  I’m hearing a lot of talk about how innovative she is – am I the only one who thinks these obvious ploys for attention are just a little pathetic?

Justin Bieber narrowly escapes arrest

MTV‘s best new artist, Justin Bieber, had a near-miss with authorities last week when a water balloon incident got out of hand (sometimes the Bieber/womb jokes write themselves) and two Maryland state troopers were struck.  The incident occurred before Bieber’s concert at the Maryland State Fair in Baltimore.  As one might expect from a wealthy child allowed to do anything he wants, Bieber fled the scene and had one of his bodyguards talk the officers into not arresting the 16-year-old singer.

The officers not only agreed not to arrest him, they didn’t even file an incident report.  Justin Bieber is no stranger to pranks and antics, and he’s not always the perpetrator, either.  Recently there was an online poll where fans could vote for a location for an extra show on Bieber’s world tour, but pranksters took over the poll and flooded it with votes to send Bieber to North Korea.  Not a terrible idea, actually.

Heidi And Spencer Get Married (Again)

Those crazy famewhores lovebirds Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt got married again on Saturday. They first “eloped” to Mexico months ago because photo ops had been slow. Apparently, that marriage wasn’t quite legal, and Heidi’s mother had a stroke. She knows the mad, brainwashing power that Spencer has over Heidi…although with Heidi’s brain, this is not a difficult undertaking.

E! reports that the Hills duo were joined at Westminster Presbyterian Church, attended by over 200 of their closest friends, family, and lots of their best celeb pals, including the insufferable Perez Hilton, music producer David Foster, along with Hills costars Brody Jenner, Frankie Delgado, Taylor Mosher, Audrina Patridge, Justin Bobby, Lo Bosworth and Laguna Beach alum Kristin Cavallari. Even frenemy Lauren Conrad had a change of heart and attended the festivities, but made a quick exit from the church following the ceremony.

The wedding party was comprised of Heidi’s sister and sometimes Hills star Holly Montag, as well as Spencer’s always-instigating sis, Stephanie Pratt, both dressed in matching floor-length, yellow, silk chiffon gowns, while the Spencer was joined by the incredible…two nonceleb friends.

Montard was decked out head to toe in nearly $1 million worth of Neil Lane jewels and a gorgeous, flowy, white, strapless gown, custom designed by Monique Lhuiller. Pratt and his groomsmen all wore Ermenegildo Zegna suits. Heidi’s father walked her down the aisle following Pratt’s niece Ava, the flower girl.

Afterward guests gathered outside Westminster Presbyterian to toss yellow rose petals on the newlyweds, who did what always comes naturally to Speidi- playing it up and kissing for the crowd. Heidi then gathered her girlfriends to toss the bouquet, only to have Cavallari, rumored to be replacing Lauren Conrad on The Hills next season, jump up and make the catch.

The office pool is now open on how long this one’s gonna last, and, more importantly…how many staged photo-ops will be raining down on the media from the wedding! Good times.

Heidi Montag And Spencer Pratt’s Drunken Marriage

US magazine already bought and published pictures of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s fake, illegal romantic marriage in Mexico. Last night’s episode of “The Hills”, however, highlighted the true ickyness of the whole debacle.

Scuzzy Spencer flew Montard to Cabo San Lucas, got her drunk on tequila and rushed her to a church. The next morning she could sort of remember how drunk she was but couldn’t remember the ceremony at ALL. No wonder her mom is pissed! It was the marital equivalent of a date rape drugging.

Spencer has always tried to take Heidi away from “bad influences”, namely her mother, his sister, her ex-best friend, basically the entire world, because they all know the truth… Spencer is the douchiest person on earth. He’s the worst person she could possibly marry.

The episode showed the couple in Mexico, by themselves, (except for the camera crew and production team) so they could have their own wedding alone. “It’s our secret marriage,” Spencer told her (and everyone watching at home.)

The teaser for next week’s finale shows the idiots having to go to a U.S. courthouse to actually GET a marriage license, and face the anger of Heidi’s mother, whom Spencer further infuriates by calling her “mom.” It may be tempting to pity Heidi, but she’s willingly been under Spencer’s spell despite everyone in her universe telling her what a massive mistake he is. Fame, it seems, is more important than good sense. Snarkista gives the marriage a year, unless Spencer knocks Heidi up. If that happens, there won’t be a divorce until the tabloid checks are cashed!

Watch Hills Speidi clip in Celebrity Videos  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

Paris Hilton Is Not Blind

Paris Hilton may have that fug wonk eye, but the chick is not blind. Proof? This weekend La Hilton was in Miami at the Fountainbleau hotel where she hung out with hunky ex-boyfriend Stavros Niachros. They hit up club Mokai on Saturday night, and Paris’ boyfriend Benji “Pudge” Madden was NOT around. Pudge was in New York with his bro Joel helping MTV kiss TRL goodbye for good.

Star magazine said that Paris arrived at the nightclub at 2:30am after partying at the Fountainbleau hotel all night, following the Victoria’s Secret fashion show. A snoop (probably the dude with the drink who looks like “uh-oh, girl, I’m dropping a dime on YOU tonight”) told the rag that:

“Paris and Stavros were all over each other. They were at the same table for about an hour and then they left together. It didn’t seem like Benji was on her mind at all!”

Uh, duh! Take a good look at Stavros there, with his unbuttoned shirt. Yeah, it’s cheesy, but good grief he is easy on the eyes. Benji, however is not.

Benji’s been rumored to have cheated on Wonky at least twice already, so perhaps she’s returning the favor. C’mon, look at her. She is SO a freakin’ happy not to be looking at Benji.

“Take On Me” Literal Video Version

Ah HA!! Oh, this has made Snarkista’s night, and she SO needed to be having a better night. 80’s group Ah Ha had a big hit with “Take On Me” back in the day, which was also back when MTV showed music videos. The video was all edgy and shizz when it came out, but the lyrics were a bit ethereal…until now.

Paris Hilton, Comic Book Superhero?

MTV is reporting that Stan Lee is teaming up with Paris Hilton to turn her into his next superhero character. Whaaaa? Quoth La Hilton:

We’re developing that right now and just going over scripts and drawing my character. I fight crime. It’s not like your typical superhero, It’s me basically as a superhero, so kind of using makeup and compacts as weapons. It’s kind of like a spoof on a superhero.

Stan! You’re a LEGEND! You created Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, the X-Men, Iron Man, the Hulk, Thor, Daredevil, Dr. Strange, and many other awesome characters. Snarkista knows you’re getting on up there age-wise, so maybe Paris is trying to pull an Anna Nicole Smith on you. Hide the checkbook! And if you DO make Paris a spooferhero, name her Supervain or Stuporgirl or The Wonky. Benji Madden could be The Pudge. Pretty please?