Ronson swerved out of the way to avoid the car, and ended up crashing face first into the pavement.  She’s okay, but she did have to have a few stitches, and she canceled a a show the following day so she could recover.  No word on what she was doing riding a bicycle in the middle of the night.

Oh Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay. Just when we think you’ve hit the bottom and MAY be headed back up for air, you pull a stunt that shocks even the most jaded among us. Not that Snarkista is jaded, mind you, but Lindsay Lohan is giving celebrities who behave badly good reasons to feel smug.

The freckled one decided to go clubbing the other night in London, and ended up at Cuckoo. Clearly, Lindsay took the club’s name as a green light to completely crack up in public. The Mirror reports that:

Linds sat with her straggly hair all over her face looking strangely detached from the world and mumbled: “I feel so, like, caged. Totally caged.”

Unfortunately, the creepy behavior continued as Lindsay and her posse visited the bathrooms.

My spy tells me: “She just wouldn’t stop saying she felt caged. She was just not all there and it really was like watching a broken girl in the middle of a complete breakdown.

Unfortunately, the meltdown didn’t stop in the powder room, as Li-Lo then proceeded to curl up in a fetal position on the dance floor. She’s a pro, though, as she managed to hang on to the vodka she’d been guzzling all night.

So much for sobriety…perhaps the tales of SamRo keeping Lindsay clean are true. Lindsay had followed her ex to London, and unsuccessfully texted her all night long. Sam didn’t take the bait, and must have had her fill of playing nanny to the firecracker. It’s hard to DJ when your hands are THAT full. Time to head back to rehab, Lindsay. Stay longer this time.

UPDATE: Apparently SamRo DID take the bait, as Lindsay is sporting a new “engagement ring” today. Good luck with that, Sam.

Looks like some partying at the World Music Awards in Monaco this weekend got a leeetle bit out of hand. Desperate Housewives star Jesse Metcalfe, who hosted the awards, apparently lost his balance and fell 40 feet off of a balcony. Damn! This wouldn’t have happened if Lindsay Lohan had co-hosted as originally planned! SamRo’s attachment at Lindsay’s hip would have saved them all from going over the side.

But back to Jesse – his rep sayeth:

“He accidentally slipped off a balcony and was knocked unconscious, but he is fine and now recovering from some minor bruises in a London hospital.”

Jesse’s having some CAT scans before he comes home. Dude is really lucky. SamRo’s gonna feel bad for being so jealous of Jesse, but, come on. She can’t compete with THAT hottie!

After Lindsay’s rant against Republican VP contender Sarah Palin last month, her management team has strongly encouraged her to stop blogging about the presidential election or, for that matter, ANY of her political interests. Sayeth one of her former publicists:

“It’s just a matter of time before Lindsay puts her foot in her mouth, and that’s what they worry about.”

Lindsay’s management is right. Anderson Cooper she is NOT. She should write ONLY about her heinous line of leggings, snarks against her frenemies, and, most importantly, what the next step will be in SamRo’s makeover.

Claymates who have been in denial for years should be monitored carefully in the next few weeks, and possibly be considered for suicide watch. ‘Cuz they are the ONLY ones who are gonna be shocked by THIS newsflash. And it won’t be pretty. Look for Ricky Martin to be gracing a similar cover story soon, as he TOO recently shook his bon-bons into the turkey baster for some babes of his own. Snarkista’s deepest condolences to the gaydar-impaired.

Lindsay’s coming out with a line of fake tanner, a product she’s intimately familiar with! As Lindsay’s natural skin color is Fishbelly, fake tanner has been a MUST for her to blend in all of those freckles. Mama Dina Lohan probably used the orange juice on little Lindsay instead of baby lotion, and her hands are all over THIS product launch!

Dina’s no stranger to the faux sunglow…look at any of her pictures. Dina likes to call herself the “White Oprah”, but honestly, she’s “Orange Oprah.” Snarkista apologizes to Oprah for the reference, but please don’t shoot the messenger.

Look for Lindsay’s fake-tan to carry a hefty price tag just like her heinous leggings. Perhaps she’ll blog about it, since Barack Obama said “thanks but no thanks” to Lindsay’s campaign endorsement, leaving LiLo with more free time. Surely it will have prominent product-placement on “Living Lohan”, and thirty fifteen year-old Ali will be forced to slather up to promote her career as a Supermodel. Will SamRo get the glow too? Exfoliate first!

SamRo and Charlotte’s brother, producer Mark Ronson, provided music for the models to sashay to. He reportedly flubbed the ending, but even that didn’t faze the voyeurs. Charlotte’s collection included loose-fitting minidresses and girly ruffled numbers. She also showed high-waisted pleated pants that MOST women should not attempt to wear, lest they stumpify themselves.

Actress Emma Roberts said she had to avoid a “Lindsay traffic jam” as she tried to leave the show. Seems everyone has Lilo and SamRo fever! Snarkista does think Samantha’s new haircut and color are much more flattering than the bleached, hatted look she sported for so long. Lindsay looks great, especially in the ta-ta region! Which, surely, Samantha has no problem with.

photos: Getty

Avril Lavigne in 30 years: Super-Fantastic Plastic

Fun Facts About Sarah Palin: Bumpshack

How To Be A Good Wife: This Is Illuminati

Everyone Loves A Shirtless Milo Ventimiglia: Ten Gossip

P. Diddy’s Feeling The Recession: Backseat Cuddler

All The Lohan Shizz: Superficial Diva

Whacko Jacko Turns 50: Behind Blondie Park

Girls now keep asking for a kiss. After every show on my tour I stay behind to do an autograph signing. But about a dozen women will want a snog. I just sweetly say, ‘No, thank you’. If I kissed everybody who asked I’d probably go away with something I don’t really want.

Katy was quick not to hop off of her gravy-train though, and revealed her same-sex crushes on Hollywood stars inspired her to write the song. Don’t kiss PARIS! Wonky McValtrex will make your lips fall OFF!

I was reading a magazine and opened it up to a picture of either Scarlett Johansson or Megan Fox, and I turned to my boyfriend and said, ‘You know, if they walked through the door and asked me to pucker up, I would just do it.’

Girl, if Megan or Scarlett walked through your door, Mr. Katy Perry would mow your ass down so fast you’d be kissing the floor! Glad the shtick is working out for ya though, you broke Beatles chart records with your song. It’s probably time to shut up about kissing 15 year olds, though. However, SamRo and Lindsay are on line 2!