Saturday’s Stuff Tom Cruise Doesn’t Want You To See

No, NOT this heinous outfit Katie Holmes wore on Thursday for opening night. The afterparty was at “E-Space” and Katie got confused. The fact that she designed this herself will have to wait, because Katie is taking too many “Crimes Against Fashion” awards. But in honor of Scientology-prisoner Katie’s debut on Broadway, and the protest group “Anonymous” successfully messing up the cult’s website (, we bring you the following stuff Scientology has tried to shut down. Unfortunately for THEM, trying to keep things off of the internet is like playing whack-a-mole. Ahahahahahaha!!!!

The Unfunny Truth About Scientology

…And The Timeless Classic: “Tom Cruise’s Secret Scientology Video”. This video is EXACTLY as it is shown to the sci-bots, Mission Impossible music and all.

Katie Holmes On “Eli Stone”: Yikes.

Oh, help. Snarkista told Katie Holmes NO to this look back in July as Katie was filming a cameo for Eli Stone. She HOPED it would not have been captured on film, but was just another of Katie’s Crimes Against Fashion. Sadly, it WAS her look on the show. Katie’s not a real great singer either. Check out the preview…this is a MESS! No, Katie! NO!!!!!

Xenu’s Coming For Amy Winehouse

Addicted chanteuse Amy Winehouse is in SERIOUS trouble. It was only a matter of time before the Scientologists set their sights on her and tried to round her up into Narcanon, their extremely unsuccessful drug “rehab” program. Amy needs help, no doubt about it. And the Scientologists are about to help her out of a TON of money.

Reportedly, Amy’s received a “friendly call” from the L.A. Scientology Celebrity Centre, or, as it’s more commonly known, The Palace That Tom Cruise Built. The thetan-phobic followers of crazy L. Ron Hubbard think that niacin poisioning, cold turkey withdrawal, hands-on healing, non-stop insults and staring practice are the cure for what ails Amy. Yeah.

Amy is so gone right now that all of the alien-talk will probably make perfect sense to her. She will need rehab for the rehab if she ever manages to escape. She’ll also need to sell a ton of records, ‘cuz Xenu’s minions don’t stop till they get the very last drop. Please, SOMEBODY SANE, save Amy. Please.

Katie Holmes Has A Mystery “Mister X”

Katie Holmes has been hanging out between her Broadway All My Sons duties with a handsome mystery man. The cast and crew call him “Mister X”. And the “X” doesn’t stand for Xenu! Katie seems to have somehow escaped the death grip of Tommy, and has found time to chill with a normal male person.

A crew member went over one day, while Katie and “X” were having coffee. They chatted for a few minutes, but Katie didn’t introduce her friend. And “a friend” is what Katie is calling him, (duh, she’s not stupid) but he’s still causing whispers around the theater. Ya know? Katie needs a normal male friend. She hasn’t had one of those in YEARS. Here’s to “Mister X” for being brave enough to risk the wrath of Xenu and his minions, and give Katie some decent company. Bravo!

Save Pink!

CRAP! The effin’ Scientologists are trying to snatch Pink into the Xenu fold. Pink! Think! Pink’s BFF Juliette Lewis (yes, the fashion trainwreck and sometime-rocker) has reportedly recruited Pink into the fellowship of the thetan-fearers. Juliette thinks holding some soup cans will help Pink get over the breakdown of her marriage to Carey Hart. UK’s Entertainment-wise says:

“Pink is in the beginning stages of checking out the religion, but she has taken to it and she wants to get more involved.”

Come ON Pink! You’re the thinking-woman’s rocker! Run!! Seriously, do you wanna end up like Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and John Travolta? Or looking like Juliette…even though she’s your best friend? We don’t want a Pinkbot! It will cost you a FORTUNE! Flee Xenu! Save Pink!

Tom Cruise Can’t Sing, Still Has A Gay Old Time

Okay, this video isn’t from Tom Cruise’s last birthday in July, but it IS from his top secret birthday party aboard the Freewinds, Scientology’s asbestos-ridden (earthly) mothership. Snarkista’s watching the DNC and wanted to give y’all something to laugh at BESIDES nutty protesters calling Obama a warmonger (?)! Here’s Tom, with Scientology-boss David Miscavige glued to his side partayin’ down Tommy-Girl style. Big mistake to hand the mike to Tom for some “Old Time Rock-n-Roll”. Tom can’t really dance either. Enjoy!

8 Minutes Of Crazy: L. Ron Hubbard Tells What Tom Cruise Believes

The website Gawker continues it’s tradition of Scientology expose’ today, treating us to L. Ron Hubbard HIMSELF explaining ALL about Xenu! Everything you wanted to know, straight from the crazy commodore’s mouth! Picture Tommy and John Travolta furiously taking notes while Jada pulls Will Smith’s ears! Gawker’s “The History Of Xenu, As Explained By L. Ron Hubbard”.