Solange knowles – Snark Food

Alexsandra Wright Claims Beyonce’s Father Got Her Pregnant

Matthew Knowles, father of Beyonce and Solange Knowles, has been slapped with a paternity suit by Alexsandra Wright, who claims she is six months pregnant with the music manager’s child.

A woman named Alexsandra Wright has reportedly filed a paternity suit against Matthew Knowles in Los Angeles County Superior Court claiming he is the father of her baby. Wright is reportedly six months pregnant. Information about Wright is still sketchy, other than that she is reportedly in her 30’s and works in “branding.”

Matthew Knowles has been married to Tina Knowles, Beyonce’s mother, for nearly 30 years. Knowles managed Destiny’s Child before founding his own record label, Music World Entertainment, in 2003.

This is not the first time Matthew Knowles has been accused of cheating on wife Tina Knowles. Back in 2005, gossip maven Wendy Williams alleged Knowles had an affair with a dancer on her WBLS radio show.

Crimes Against Fashion: Miley Cyrus Edition

What in the birthday cake are you wearing, Miley? These are the OSCARS, little vixen. You are not fooling ANYONE in that getup, they’ve all seen your hacked pix. So, did Disney pick it out? From the traveling dinner theater production of “The Little Mermaid: It’s Your Birthday, Ariel!”?

Wait a minute… it’s all coming together now…Tina Knowles got to you! That HAS to be it, it’s a Beyonce leftover from the family’s House Of DereonBeyonce and poor Solange written all over it. Quick! Run away from the glue guns, Miley! They’re coming with the FEATHERS!

Kelly Rowland Cans Beyonce’s Dad

Kelly Rowland, one of the last remainder-girls from Destiny’s Child, reportedly fired Beyonce’s dad Matthew Knowles as her manager yesterday. You KNOW that given the choice between spending his time on Sasha Fierce or on Kelly, Kelly’s gonna get the short stick. For crying out loud- Solange Knowles has to live in the basement and wear Big Bird outfits. Kelly should have seen this coming!

Reportedly, a MAJOR argument went down between Kelly and her showbiz â€œDadâ€ before she showed him the door. She felt (correctly) that he’s been trying to sabotage her career for years. Kelly, you’re super talented and gorgeous! Girl, go bag a manager with less baggage.

Crimes Against Fashion: Katie Holmes Edition (Again)

Sigh. Oh, Katie Holmes. Snarkista is naming you her winner for “Most Crimes Against Fashion 2008.” No, it won’t help you get a Tony Award. Are you not living in New York, arguably the fashion capital of the world? And is it not WINTER in New York? Even if the city’s experiencing a warm snap, there is NO excuse for this outfit. Wearing leggings, Snarkista’s most hated form of clothing is violation #1. Wearing leggings with SHORTS is violation #2. And wearing leggings and shorts with PUMPS is the third strike, making you OUT.

Not out like your hubby Tommy wants to have the gays be, with his proposal for a U.S. gay census like the UK has (for realz!). That’s a subject for another post, although it is QUITE amusing coming from Ms. Tom. No, Katie, just out like PLEASE DON’T GO OUT DRESSED LIKE THIS ANY MORE! You’re hogging all of the CAF awards. Pamela Anderson and Solange Knowles are getting pissed. Do not mess with Solange- she will cut a bitch. With FEATHERS!

Sasha Fierce Needs A Stylist

Beyonce Knowles, who now REALLY wants you to call her “Sasha Fierce”…at least when she’s performing, hit the stage at the MTV Europe Music Awards in THIS piece of garbage. Cans. Beyonce’s obviously stolen baby sis Solange’s design-book! Sasha Fierce will soon be looking like Big Bird Fierce if this emulation continues. The House Of Dereon curse of fugly strikes again!

Snark Sightings

Lindsay Lohan’s Too Ugly For “Ugly Betty”: Zap2it

Is Barack Obama Really Barack Obama?: Contrarian Commentary

Bill O’Reilly Bloviates On “The View”; Joy Throws A Tantrum: Bumpshack

Paris Hilton Is A Royal Idiot: Danity Donnaly

Beyonce’s Gonna Let Solange Out Of The Basement! Rap-Up

Julianne Hough Had a BAD Tummyache: Fancast

Solange Knowles Is House Of Dereon Victim

UPDATE!: Watch Solange show her ASS Wednesday in an interview with Fox News Las Vegas! The lesser diva got pissy with the anchorwoman after seeing a teaser regarding the closing of Jay-Z’s Vegas nightclub. The thing is, the teaser HADN’T aired! The rest of the story is here at Poptarts. It is NOT flattering. Bratz alert!!

Poor Solange Knowles either isn’t very swooft or she’s been brainwashed by evil sis Beyonce and fuggery designer mom Tina. They have foisted so many bad outfits on Solange that Snarkista is concerned for her mental health. Just look at what they did to her in her latest video! Criminal.

They have to talk her into wearing this shizz by telling her it’s cutting-edge, highly demanded House Of Derrierre couture, all while Beyonce cackles a witchy laugh. Solange doesn’t even get a new belt. She must not understand math, or she’d look at House Of Dereon’s books and realize that NOBODY’S buying that crap. You KNOW Queen B has to be floating mama to keep her out of the way.

Tina Knowles can only get Solange (and occasionally Beyonce) to wear her creations. Now, if you need some good cameltoe wear, or wanna look like Big Bird, RUN to Tina and she will hook you right up. But if Solange doesn’t watch it, she’s gonna become the next Juliet Lewis. That is NOT a good thing.