Jose Canseco To Ruin His Life On “Moment Of Truth”

Further proof that steroids give you brain damage…baseball star and Surreal Life vet Jose Canseco has decided to go on the skanky TV show “The Moment Of Truth”. You know, the one where people get strapped to a lie detector and are asked about every personal aspect of their lives? The one where people RUIN their lives for about 25 grand? Yep. That show. Jose must REALLY be hard up for cash!

Jose is reportedly going under the spotlight to prove he DIDN’T inject steroids into Mark McGwire, or cork his own bat to enhance his performance. David Vassegh of 570 KLAC radio is reporting that:

Canseco already has taped the episode and according to my source that was in attendance during the taping Canseco was asked if he ever injected Mark McGwire with steroids, and if he ever corked his bat, among other questions that were asked during the taping. The episode of “The Moment of Truth” with Canseco is supposed to air in late September or early October.

Jose will be asked questions before the show while on a polygraph, and during the show. He will then answer those same questions on stage. If his answers on stage match the polygraph results, he moves on. If they DON’T match, Jose will make a fool of himself on national TV! Snarkista knows which scenario the producers are rooting for!

Maybe they’ll ask Canseco if he tried to blackmail Detroit Tigers outfielder Magglio Ordonez to avoid being mentioned in Magglio’s book. Reality TV isn’t worth a shizz unless it has a bunch of scandal! Since “The Moment Of Truth” is ALL scandal…it should make for quite a spectacle. Guess there’s a recession in Canseco-land too!

Carrie Underwood vs. Jessica Simpson…It Is ON!

Jessica Simpson just CAN’T stick to The Rules regarding boyfriend Tony Romo. Now she’s calling him her “FBD”– Future Baby Daddy. But… she says Tony doesn’t know. Make that Tony DIDN’T know. Girl, please! Call Stalker Aniston and get HER copy of The Rules, ‘cuz she obviously doesn’t use it.

The catfight between Tony’s ex Carrie Underwood and Jessica is getting hotter too. Underpants says Tony does still secretly call her…despite what Jessica thinks. Guess he has a secret phone and Jess can’t snoop on its call log! You KNOW Jess is tearing Tony’s place up right now trying to find that sucker. What’s worse is Carrie called Jessica FAT. MEOW!!!!! OK magazine quotes a friend of Carrie’s who says:

She finds Jessica’s love of putting her life on display pretty desperate. “She laughed at the People cover, because it’s the same one Jess did about John Mayer — same smile, same look, except she’s a little fatter.

Hahahahaha!!! Carrie’s also dismissed Jessica’s country makeover, and regards her as rookie fluff that is NO threat to her on the country charts. Which is so true. Trust Snarkista…a major smackdown is on the way between these bitches! Carrie will have her Louisville Slugger out, but Jessica will stun her with massive farting. Her farts may smell like roses, but they’re still deadly!

Victoria Beckham Needs A Bath

Horf! Victoria Beckham stepped out the other night with an undesirable accessory…filthy ears. Nasty! The Posh one IS usually pretty shiny and in dire need of powdering, but this is just nauseating.

Miz Becks also effed up her self-tanner and ended up looking like a creamsicle. Not the best look for the aspiring fashionista. Vicki? When the papz are snapping your EVERY move you’d best check it good before you step out. Q-tip PLEASE, and hurry!

photo source: UK Daily Mail

Jessica Simpson In Ontario: Worse Than A Train Wreck

Ouch. Jessica Simpson’s concert in Ontario Wednesday night is getting SLAMMED by the critics. Called “bizarre” and more like a “therapy session”, the show did not go over well at all. John Law of the Niagra Falls Review says:

“It might be unfair calling Jessica Simpson’s show at the Avalon Ballroom Wednesday a train wreck — at some point, a train knows where it’s going,”

Ha! Law said that Jessica’s ongoing banter with the audience was quite uncomfortable, especially when Jessica declared her farts smell like roses. Classy! Critics say she acts like she’s still living in a reality show. She obviously she hasn’t grown any more brain cells.

Jessica botched the revered Dusty Springfield’s name by calling her “Destiny”, and then proceeded to botch Dusty’s classic Son of A Preacher Man. Which happens to be one of Snarkista’s FAVE songs. Unconscionable! Jessica’s turned herself into Ellie Mae Clampett wardrobe-wise, but all the daisy-dukes in the world won’t hide the fact that she can’t carry a concert.

Jessica better clam up about Tony Romo too. She yammers on about him in concert, and she’s on the cover of People this week pulling an Aniston about their relationship. Bad move…a potential nail in the coffin. Time to re-read The Rules, Simpson! Snarkista assumes you CAN read. Guys may laugh at your farts, but they don’t wanna marry them. Blabbing about your relationship so publicly is ASKING for your man to turn and run. Hit the brakes, girl, or you’ll be singing “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry” back in spinster-land.

Dancing With The Stars Season 7 Cast Leaked

UPDATE: Lance Bass WON’T be dancin’ with a dude. Thank the Lord. He’s gonna be paired with the awesome Lacey Schwimmer from So You Think You Can Dance! The official cast of “Dancing With the Stars” season 7 isn’t due to be announced until Monday, but the reported list has been leaked out. says the hit ballroom reality series will have celebrities from former NSYNC member Lance Bass to Hollywood socialite Kim Kardashian. No word on whether Lance will dance with a dude, or if Kim will reduce her ass for better aerodynamics and safety on the dance floor. Video below!

Lance and Kim will be reportedly joined by comedian Jeff Ross and “model” and former Bruce Willis squeeze Brooke Burke. “All My Children” star Susan Lucci, TV star Ted McGinley, primetime Emmy Awards-winner Cloris Leachman and “Hannah Montana” series’ Cody Linley are also on the list. Snarkista thought spicy, 82 year old Cloris didn’t make the cut, but apparently she did. She’s gonna make last season’s Priscilla Presley look like a teenager.

Sugar Ray singer Mark McGrath, Grammy Award recipient Toni Braxton, Olympic medalist Maurice Greene, celebrity chef Rocco DiSpirito, retired football player Warren Sapp and beach volleyball player Misty May-Treanor round out the cast. Misty May is by far the contestant in the best shape, and she’s coming off of some big Olympic PR. She doesn’t have an OUNCE of fat on her, and she has some fabulous moves. She’ll serve up some serious competition.

On the whole, it looks like this cast may skew the demographics of the show even older than last year. The seventh season of “Dancing With the Stars” begins in in September. The official announcement of the cast will be Monday, August 25 on Good Morning America. Here’s Kim Kardashian doing a DIFFERENT kind of dance with the Pussycat Dolls the other night. That ass is gonna hurt somebody.

Lindsay Lohan’s Lust Gets DENIED By Michael Phelps’ Mom

Well, it’s official. Lindsay Lohan was raised in a barn. Olympic swimming superstar Michael Phelps‘ mom was doing an interview with Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush on Monday. Billy received a text message from Lindsay while on the air with Debbie Phelps, which he proceeded to show her. Mom was NOT amused. Why? Here’s Lindsay’s CLASSY come-on she wanted Debbie to pass on to Michael:

“Tell him he’s f***ng amazing, and I want to meet him.”

Except without the stars.
Mama Debbie went from happy to horrified, and declared:

“OK, Lindsay!!! — Delete! Delete! Delete!”

Delete indeed! Lindsay’s obviously trying to hook up with anything that breathes…of either sex. Dina Lohan is probably scratching her head at why Debbie Phelps is horrified. Dina would do the same thing, so what’s the big deal? White trash, my dears, will always be white trash, and Debbie Phelps can smell the trash from a mile away.

Jennifer Lopez On Michael Phelps: I’m The REAL Story

Insufferable diva Jennifer Lopez may have out-douched herself this time. MSNBC sources are reporting that the legend in her own mind got PISSY about all the attention Olympic superstar Michael Phelps is getting. Hahahahah!!!! J. Lo appeared on “Good Morning America” yesterday to pimp her prep for the upcoming Malibu Triathlon. GMA sources say that after the segment, diva was overheard saying she:

“couldn’t understand why everyone is talking about that swimmer. She couldn’t come up with (eight-time gold-medal winner Michael) Phelps’ name, and then she blabbed on about how SHE was the one training for a triathlon just six months after giving birth, and how that SHE was the big story right now, not ‘the swimmer.’ “

This is a new high in inches for how far J. Lo’s head is up her own ass. That’s gotta be worth at least a bronze medal. Bitch, get back to “training” in Central Park with your makeup artist, while Skelator follows you on the Segway. Snarkista’s pretty sure Phelps will say “Jennifer Who?” IF he hears the news. She seriously doubts he has that much free time.