Can’t Get Enough Office? Buy Dunder Mifflin.

We’re surprised this hasn’t already happened on some fan website somewhere. Or maybe it has. But now it’s official: the fictional paper brand, Dunder Mifflin, portrayed in The Office, is coming to the real world. In a deal between (owned by Staples) and NBC Universal, cartons of Dunder Mifflin-branded paper can be yours.

NBC made a two-year licensing deal with the office supply company that will get it six percent of the profits from the sale of the paper. And it might actually be a practical financial purchase. According to the AP: Each box of 20-pound Dunder Mifflin paper — that’s 5,000 sheets — will set you back $34.99, compared to $39.90 for the next cheapest brand of similar weight and color copy paper.”

Economics aside, we love it for its appeal to rabid fans of The Office.  Not that there are any of those around here …

Date Night Woos the Weekend Box Office

Date Night topped the weekend box office despite mixed reviews of the Tina Fey and Steve Carell starring romantic comedy. Date Night earned just over $27 million over the weekend, knocking previous box office champion Clash of the Titans to the number two spot.

Tina Fey and Steve Carell in 'Date Night' (20th Century Fox)
Tina Fey and Steve Carell in 'Date Night' (20th Century Fox)

Personally, we’re happy to see Clash of the Titans lose the crown in the weekend box office. The cheesy remake is an all around disaster and apparently audiences seem to agree. Date Night, on the other hand, is a relatively witty and fun romantic comedy. Plus, who isn’t just amused as hell at seeing Tina Fey and Steve Carell teamed up on the big screen?

How to Train Your Dragon placed third at the box office with $25.4 million, earning $256 million worldwide since the film’s release. Rounding out the top five was Tyler Perry‘s Why Did I Get Married Too? and the Miley Cyrus yawn The Last Song.

Considering how much audiences lately seem to adore ridiculous comedy movies, we’re betting on a top three debut for the comic book-themed movie Kick-Ass in the next weekend box office totals.

>> Previously:  Clash of the Titans Review: Worse than Original and Not Even Funny

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Steve Carell Is Now Your Friendly Neighborhood Grocer

Somebody should tell Steve Carell that when they said they were doing an Office spin-off, it didn’t mean he should actually go get another manager job somewhere else! Quirky Steve has decided he’ll prepare for the coming Great Depression 2.0 by buying a little general store. It’ll be like the good old days in the ’30’s!

Steve just bought a little Mom and Pop store in Massachusetts- the Marshfield Hills General Store. Steve’s a part-time resident of the town, which is 25 miles south of Boston. He put his sister-in-law Tish Vivado in charge, but said customers should not be surprised to see him working there on occasion. Steve told the Boston Globe:

“I will be manning the cash register, and stocking the shelves as time permits! He said the purchase was more of an “emotional investment than a business one” and an opportunity to preserve a piece of Americana.

Previous owner Sherry Bechtold said she and her husband Bob sold the 155-year-old building and business to Carell after being convinced he wanted it “for the right reasons.” She said she wanted to make sure the new owner retained the store’s character. We’ll see what kind of character Steve comes up with as the managing grocer of a general store! Hopefully he won’t rename it “Dumbo-Meddlin.”

Victim Stabbed by “40 Year Old Virgin” Shelley Malil Identified

UPDATE: Shelley Malil has pleaded NOT GUILTY to attempted murder in the stabbing of his girlfriend. This despite the reports by at least two witnesses, one of whom disarmed Malil after he grabbed a SECOND knife to continue his assault. Snarkista smells an insanity plea coming. Malil is being held on $10 million bond after Superior Court Judge Marshall Hockett deemed him a potential flight risk during his arraignment Wednesday. If convicted, he faces a maximum sentence of life in prison.

The reported girlfriend stabbed by “40 Year Old Virgin” actor Shelley Malil last night near San Diego has been identified. TMZ’s reporting that her name is Kendra Beebe. They’ve also posted pictures of Kendra.

The National Ledger
reports that Kendra Beebe is 35 years old, and was heavily bleeding by the time police arrived. Her 2 year old and 4 year old children were apparently at home while she was being attacked. The report claims that the knifing came outside of the house into the back yard, where a neighbor reportedly claimed that he saw the attack. There were reports of breaking glass heard as well as a woman screaming for help.

The victim was stabbed over 20 times according to the LA Times, and is in critical condition. San Diego’s NBC affiliate, KNSD-TV, reports that Malil arrived at the home and found his ex-girlfriend in her backyard with another man, grabbed a knife and began stabbing her while chasing her through her home. When the unidentified man tried to intervene, he was also stabbed in the hand. The attack was extremely BRUTAL, with a neighbor telling KNSD that “her chin was almost entirely cut off”.

Shelley was arrested after taking an Amtrak train to Oceanside. He was booked on “suspicion of attempted murder, mayhem and burglary”, is being held at the Vista Detention Center, and is due to be arraigned tomorrow morning.

Reports are varied, but some say the two recently broke up, while others say they were seen together this weekend and seemed as normal. Violence NEVER fixed a breakup. Shelley’s gonna be looking at some hard time if his ex passes away, and attempted murder ain’t no picnic. Crazyass better be on his knees.