When ruffles attack! Bjork should feel great about this. Alyssa Milano has officially joined Bjork as a swan, and Lara Flynn Boyle as a ballerina, in the Red Carpet Fugliest Hall Of Fame. Starlets everywhere are breathing huge sighs of relief. There is virtually NO danger of topping this heinousness for years.

What exactly IS this costume? Mae West comes back from the dead to straighten out Ryan Seacrest? An environmentalist statement encouraging the use of fans instead of air-conditioning? Wild-west bordello girl faking virginity on her wedding day? A Project Runway assignment using toilet paper and a giant pair of Spanxx? This HAD to have come from one of those awful prom-dress catalogs that come when you’re a junior in high-school. All Alyssa is missing is a parasol, but holding the fan-shaped purse is a fitting second choice.

Whomever designed this disaster is BEGGING for witness protection as we speak. “Crimes against fashion DO qualify. I’ll name names. Deep undercover, PLEASE. North Dakota will be fine. Hell yes, I’ll dress as a member of the opposite sex. But hurry the F*** up! Tim Gunn is stalking me and he’s packing one BADASS pair of scissors!”

Project Runway Highs And Lows: NY Mag

“Reborn” Babydolls- Those Freaky Aussies! Buzzfeed Peggy

K-Fed Gets A Raise: D-Listed

Snarkista’s Riley Is A Two-Pic Superstar: Behind Blondie Park

Insiders More Worried About Will Smith And Scientology: Radar Online

Dustin Is About To Blow! Webster’s Is My Bitch

Is My Starbucks Gonna Close? Yovia

George Clooney Pimps Martinis: Hollywood Crap

King Kong Kardashian’s Nail Jail Appointment: The Superficial

Anne Hathaway’s Ex Starting to Sing: NYP

It’s a real roller coaster, Fans are going to get mad — early! There are some big surprises: Favorites won’t be there anymore, and I can only imagine how the blogs are going to explode over some of the challenge winners. We say that each season has a different DNA and boy, is that true.

Tim gave a sneak-peek at each contestant:
*Blayne, 23:”The designers love him. His work is like his personality — exuberant. Blayne is hard to miss.”
*Daniel, 25: “He’s intense — not the workroom jokester … I called him ‘the sweater.’ As in perspiration.”
*Korto, 33 “Still waters run deep: She seems so quiet and reserved, almost reclusive. She’s not. Korto is going to tantalize people with her work.”
*Emily, 27: “Emily is effervescent, very likable and a positive presence in the workroom. She’s a sweetheart but she’s serious about what she does.”
*Jennifer, 27: “She’s very thoughtful, smart and she is driven by literature and classic films rather than the pop culture scene.”
*Jerell, 28: “He’s very generous of spirit. And by that I mean he was frequently one of the first to finish and he would help other designers. And he’s wonderfully funny.”
*Jerry, 32: “Jerry possesses an enormous amount of self-confidence. You can take that any way you want!”
*Joe, 41: “He’s our one straight guy! He’s a guy’s guy and therefore he has a place on the show that’s very unique. Joe is also a family man and talks about what his daughters would wear.
*Keith, 26: “Keith is all about innovation and experimentation. But you would never pick him out of a group as being a fashion designer — you look at him and see high school football jock.”
*Kelli, 27: “She’s our rock and roller and she embraces that role. Kelli is a little ball of fire.”
*Kenley, 25: “Kenley is our season five Project Runway Bettie Page. And she’s true to that role, let me tell you!”
*Leanne, 27: “She’s a conceptual designer. And when the audience gets to know her she’s a person I think they’re really going to be rooting for.”
*Stella, 42: “Looks are deceiving with a lot of these designers. If I saw her in a dark alley I’d run — but she’s a sweetheart!”
*Suede, 37 “Suede is a good problem-solver. And he’s current and contemporary in what he produces compared to, say, a Kenley who’s a little more retro.”
*Terri, 39: “I found her to be another excellent problem-solver. She knew how to make it work!”
*Wesley, 23: “His designs are at the higher end of sophistication … beautiful work but there’s not a lot of risk-taking.”
Hmmm. One straight guy, a Bettie Pageophile, and someone named Suede. It may piss you off, but I doubt it’ll be boring!