Jessica Simpson Gets Panned Again In Canada

There are a lot of Canadians that are huge country music fans. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to be Jessica Simpson-as-country-singer fans. Jessica got panned AGAIN for a Canadian performance. Last time was in Ontario, this time it was in Windsor. The Windsor Star music reviewer had this to say about Jessica’s act:

“The 28-year-old Texan knows she has to work twice as hard to earn her stripes as a performer. But with zero stage presence, a voice that only occasionally found the right note, and batch of ordinary new songs, it was all in vain.” Her stage presence was further criticized in the review, saying she “paced back and forth across the stage like a table dancer,” and when the former reality TV star explained the meaning behind one of her songs, she told women in the audience to “run the other way if they’re in an abusive relationship, ‘preferably in a pair of Jessica Simpson boots.’ ”

Way to throw the product placement into the act, Jess! Snarkista thinks Jessica may know that her line of shoes is gonna make her WAY more money than her “country career”. Maybe she should follow boyfriend Tony Romo’s lead and study some “game tapes”, but watch Carrie Underwood performances instead of the Washington Redskins! Study the competition! Carrie’s apparently your competition on AND off stage, so take some notes, girl! Seriously, Jess, country fans aren’t taking you seriously. Sounds like you need to take the act OFF the road until you LITERALLY get your act together.

Jessica Simpson Better Not Eff This One Up

Snarkista got an email from her daddy this afternoon. He sent this story from the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, and she HAD to pass it along.

By RANDY GALLOWAY
rgalloway@star-telegram.com
Tony Romo had been somewhat of an NFL opening-week quarterbacking exception, enjoying a great Sunday in Cleveland, except, of course, for that bloody chin thing.
The weekend had also gone very well for Bill and Sharon White of Irving, who were returning late in the evening after an out-of-town trip.

The national news was about a day of QB disasters around the league, even at the elite level. Tom Brady, down and out for the season. Peyton Manning, looking feeble and lost. Carson Palmer, his once stellar reputation taking another plunge. And for pure weirdness, there’s Vince Young, a young man in obvious need of either a good shrink or a good butt-kicking.

Meanwhile, even as devout football fans, the Whites had been on the road and out of touch with the NFL events. They particularly didn’t want to know the Dallas Cowboys’ outcome. The TiVo at home was waiting. Bill planned to watch the Cleveland game immediately, with suspense attached.

But a couple of miles from the house, while driving on MacArthur Boulevard, the Whites had their own mini-disaster. A tire blew on the Mercury. Bill, luckily, managed to nurse his wounded ride off the street and into the lighted parking lot of a strip mall.

For troubling news on a Sunday, it didn’t rank up there with taking a direct hit to the chin from the helmet of linebacker Willie McGinest, but Bill became a bit woozy himself when he discovered his jack was malfunctioning. Never a good thing at midnight.

Plan B kicked in, however. One of those cigarette-lighter-plug-in air compressors was available. Except it was leaking more air than it was pumping. “I don’t know, a hundred cars, probably more, had to go by. Nobody was stopping,” said Bill. “That’s just kind of the way it is in today’s world.”

And then …”Bill was fooling with that tire, and I was standing beside the car watching him,” Sharon said. “The next thing I know, a nice-looking young man, very well-dressed, but with something strange on his chin, he walked up, smiled, and said, ‘Hey, you need some help?’ ” Sharon hadn’t even noticed a car pull up. So now it’s Bill and the well-dressed young man both bent over a flat tire at midnight on a Sunday, trying to figure out why a faulty air compressor plugged into the cigarette lighter was leaking more than pumping. “I didn’t get a good look at him at that point,” Bill said. “We were both trying to get the tire pumped up.”

Sharon, however, took a second look. “You are Tony Romo,” she said. No reply, just a smile, and then it was back to work on the compressor. Finally, they got the tire aired up. Enough, anyway, to make a slow drive home.

“I didn’t want to bother him,” Sharon said, “but I asked again, ‘You’re Tony Romo, right?’ ” I knew it was him by then. But he smiled and said, ‘Yes, ma’am.’ ” Sharon: “I did something no 50-year-old woman should be doing, but I screamed real loud, and then jumped up and hugged him.”

Bill’s immediate response was “Don’t tell me how you guys did. I’m going home to watch it.”

By the next day, after seeing what the “something strange on his chin” was about, that made the Whites appreciate Romo’s gesture even more.

“He gets almost knocked cold in that game, and I read it took 13 stitches to close the cut, and then there’s a long flight home [the Cowboys charter arrived at around 11 p.m.] and Tony’s got to be dog tired, but he still was a good enough person to stop and help us,” Bill said.

“Look, we’re driving a 10-year old car that is sitting in a parking lot with a flat tire in the dead of night. He could tell by that we’re nothing special. But here’s a young man making millions of dollars, and he’s got all this fame and glory, and he does this?”

The Whites couldn’t thank Romo enough. “But if I ever had the opportunity, I’d also like to thank two other people. His mom and dad,” Bill said. “They obviously raised him right. We’ve got kids about his age. We know how difficult it can sometimes be in this day and age.”

(An e-mail from Sharon alerted me to Tony’s good deed. No Cowboys official knew about it even by Wednesday.)

Not that the Whites weren’t already Romo fans, but …

“After all this, what I realized is the athletic thing is Tony’s gift, yet it goes beyond that,” Bill said. “This was a good person we met. A good person with small-town values despite all the big-city fame and fortune.”

Shrug off a blow to the chin. Win a game. Help strangers fix a flat. It was a fine Sunday for the kid.

Seriously, Jessica. Stop getting thrown out of fashion-show after-parties for being drunk! We know that your country thing is kinda gettin’ panned. But if you let THIS one get away, you will REALLY have a reason to drink.

Is Jessica Simpson Really Pregnant?

The net is buzzing today about the possibility that Jessica Simpson may have finally trapped Tony Romo by getting pregnant. Jess has definitely put on a few in the past months, even her country bumpkin-wear didn’t hide that. The picture on the left is causing all kinds of speculation (click ’em to enlarge). The other two pics were taken just the other day on Sept. 2.

Whaddaya think? The pic on the left definitely looks suspicious, although Photoshop DOES exist in our world. More interesting to Snarkista is the pic on the right from the other day. Sitting down, from the side, Jess does look like she’s got some kinda bump going on. Maybe THAT’S why she’s been so gassy!

If Jess has managed to bag her a Cowboy, it should shut Carrie Underwood up for awhile. Wonder if Tony will call her with the news?

Carrie Underwood vs. Jessica Simpson…It Is ON!

Jessica Simpson just CAN’T stick to The Rules regarding boyfriend Tony Romo. Now she’s calling him her “FBD”– Future Baby Daddy. But… she says Tony doesn’t know. Make that Tony DIDN’T know. Girl, please! Call Stalker Aniston and get HER copy of The Rules, ‘cuz she obviously doesn’t use it.

The catfight between Tony’s ex Carrie Underwood and Jessica is getting hotter too. Underpants says Tony does still secretly call her…despite what Jessica thinks. Guess he has a secret phone and Jess can’t snoop on its call log! You KNOW Jess is tearing Tony’s place up right now trying to find that sucker. What’s worse is Carrie called Jessica FAT. MEOW!!!!! OK magazine quotes a friend of Carrie’s who says:

She finds Jessica’s love of putting her life on display pretty desperate. “She laughed at the People cover, because it’s the same one Jess did about John Mayer — same smile, same look, except she’s a little fatter.

Hahahahaha!!! Carrie’s also dismissed Jessica’s country makeover, and regards her as rookie fluff that is NO threat to her on the country charts. Which is so true. Trust Snarkista…a major smackdown is on the way between these bitches! Carrie will have her Louisville Slugger out, but Jessica will stun her with massive farting. Her farts may smell like roses, but they’re still deadly!

Jessica Simpson In Ontario: Worse Than A Train Wreck

Ouch. Jessica Simpson’s concert in Ontario Wednesday night is getting SLAMMED by the critics. Called “bizarre” and more like a “therapy session”, the show did not go over well at all. John Law of the Niagra Falls Review says:

“It might be unfair calling Jessica Simpson’s show at the Avalon Ballroom Wednesday a train wreck — at some point, a train knows where it’s going,”

Ha! Law said that Jessica’s ongoing banter with the audience was quite uncomfortable, especially when Jessica declared her farts smell like roses. Classy! Critics say she acts like she’s still living in a reality show. She obviously she hasn’t grown any more brain cells.

Jessica botched the revered Dusty Springfield’s name by calling her “Destiny”, and then proceeded to botch Dusty’s classic Son of A Preacher Man. Which happens to be one of Snarkista’s FAVE songs. Unconscionable! Jessica’s turned herself into Ellie Mae Clampett wardrobe-wise, but all the daisy-dukes in the world won’t hide the fact that she can’t carry a concert.

Jessica better clam up about Tony Romo too. She yammers on about him in concert, and she’s on the cover of People this week pulling an Aniston about their relationship. Bad move…a potential nail in the coffin. Time to re-read The Rules, Simpson! Snarkista assumes you CAN read. Guys may laugh at your farts, but they don’t wanna marry them. Blabbing about your relationship so publicly is ASKING for your man to turn and run. Hit the brakes, girl, or you’ll be singing “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry” back in spinster-land.

Right Now In Nashville: Jessica Simpson Snoops On Tony Romo

Nashville radio station’s Woody and Jim from The River 107.5 (NOT a country station by the way, but I digress…) interviewed new beer SpokesFrog Jessica Simpson yesterday, and the dicey subject of Carrie Underwood came up. Specifically, Underpants’ big FIB to Allure magazine about Tony Romo still calling her. Jessica agreed that it is definitely NOT true.

Jess said that “Tony and I both laughed at that! We got a chuckle out of it.” So far, so good. Then Jess efffed up big time. How does she know for sure? She snoops on Tony’s phone call-log! Way to pull an Aniston, Jess! On the air!!! Look how well that shizz worked out for The Stalker! Check the River 107.5 link above for the 3 video clips of the interview, and don’t miss clip 3 where Jess discusses farting in bed. Oh, girl.

Tony Romo’s Not On Line 1

Ah, you KNEW Papa Joe Simpson wasn’t gonna let Carrie Underwood get away with saying that Tony Romo still calls her! HELL to the NO! TMZ’s reporting that despite what Underpants told Allure magazine earlier this week, Tony’s lost her number…he says he DOESN’T call. Seems Carrie just can’t let the catfight go, not that Jessica Simpson didn’t egg her on with that “Real Girls Eat Meat” shirt. (If vegan-Carrie wasn’t in the picture, that would just seem porny. I digress.)

Carrie told Allure that Tony calls, but she doesn’t always answer. Er, guess that’s actually NEVER answers! Oops! Here’s a little secret: Snarkista had the fun of observing Carrie and Tony for an evening when they WERE dating. Let’s just say that Tony’s a very nice guy, and Underpants is a royal wedgie. Also, Carrie’s from Oklahoma and Snarkista’s a native Texan. Bish, plz.