Spencer Pratt Says He’s “The White Jay-Z”

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AHAHAHAHA! Oh, Spencer Pratt does not have an off button. The promo-machine just keeps cranking out the crap! Mr. Heidi Montag has just dropped a RAP single called…”I’m A Celebrity.” The Ghost granted an interview to Complex Blog. Here’s a taste:

Complex: …You also said, “I’m like the white Jay-Z.” Would you consider Heidi the white Beyoncé?

Spencer Pratt: A little bit more than the white Beyoncé. Beyoncé had to be built by a group like Destiny’s Child, but Heidi shines solo. I’ll actually give you an exclusive: I could guarantee you Speidi’s [Spencer and Heidi’s] “Bonnie & Clyde” version is going to stunt on Jay and B’s version.

Complex: Wow. Is that song going to happen?

Spencer Pratt: Yes. Steve Morales is already working on the track. That’s my Puerto Rican guru on the beat.

Complex: I saw that you’re trying to reach out to OJ Da Juiceman for him to get a verse on a Morales-produced track.

Spencer Pratt: Yeah, I’m trying to get him on my first real single because “I’m A Celebrity” is not my single. That’s just my marketing tool for the show. My first single, I just want to have me, Gucci Mane, and OJ Da Juiceman. It’ll be the flyest song in the game. I’m going to track them down, that’s my priority today.

Complex: Who’s rapping career would you use as a blueprint for yourself?

Spencer Pratt: I think I’m the future of hip-hop. You know, I feel bad for saying that. That’s unfortunate, but that’s a fact. You can’t compare my model of hip-hop with what I’m about to come out with versus anything in the game. You know I’ll take the Diddy route. I’m not a lyrical MC, I’m just like Diddy. Look what it did for him? He is still balling.

Ah, you can’t make this shizz up. Spencer is more like the “White Kanye’s insufferable little brother.” PLEASE let there be a video of this stellar interview by Complex (more at the link), who is to be commended for making it through the entire thing.

Casey Aldridge Recovering, To Be Moved From ICU

casey-aldridge-accidentJamie-Lynn Spears’ baby-daddy Casey Aldridge is recovering from his bad smashup early Sunday morning. Casey’s been hospitalized with a head injury from flipping his F-250 pickup truck on the driver’s side on a two-lane road in Louisiana at 1:30 a.m. Sunday. Police say alcohol was not involved…so either local law enforcement are starstruck, or Casey was busting it to get home after some mischief.

Doctors at the University of Mississippi Medical Center in Jackson, Miss., said they plan to move the 19-year-old out of the intensive care unit as early as Monday, a source close to the family tells People.

“They said it was borderline whether he needed surgery or not,” says the source, “but they’ve taken some scans and see no further damage.”

Aldridge, the father of Spears’s 10-month-old daughter Maddie, has made some bone-headed moves in the past…particularly having a proclivity to CHEAT. Snarkista says that either having his bell rung in a major way could turn Casey into a genius, or, more probably, ensure more idiot stunts. The smart money is on “B”.

Lindsay Lohan Spills It To Ellen

The never-ending drama that is Lindsay Lohan’s life made a pit stop to visit Ellen Degeneres on her show. Li-Lo looks pretty dang undernourished to be starting a stripper job! Snarkista digresses, as implants don’t lose weight. Lindsay wants to set the record straight about her soap opera life! Does she do it? More importantly…do you care?!

Amy Winehouse Flips Over Blaaaake’s Baby Surprise

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Drug-n-drunkie Amy Winehouse had a pretty bi-polar reaction to the news that her former hubby, fellow addict Blake Civil-Fielder, has knocked someone up. Wino is back to terrorizing the peaceful island of St. Lucia, where she first assumed Blake’s underage girlfriend, Francesca Morralee, was the mom-to-be. While downing champagne at a resort bar, she started off happily blabbering: “I knew he’d got her pregnant. I had this feeling Blake was having a kid.”

Wrong! Seems that heroin addict Blaaaake has impregnated a fellow junkie! Amy wasn’t thrilled to hear that Blake’s child was conceived IN REHAB with heroin addict Gilleen Morris, 31, not Francesca.

Amy proceeded to lose her tenuous grip. “That better be a mistake or I’ll beat his head in. Oh great, he’s had it with some … I don’t wanna know – don’t tell me any more.”

Then the real show started: Amy began pounding her chest, convulsing and grabbing her stomach in pain. After she downed some Xanax calmed down, she expressed some addled happiness for Blake.

“All I wanna know and all I need to know is that my baby is having a baby. I never talk to him, I’m never going to see him again but we’re like best friends. I have to cut him out of my life because he has to cut me out… so me and Blake can’t be friends but you know what? He’s having a kid and that is amazing.”

Not to be outdone, Amy then declared that she TOO wanted to have a baby. Actually, she wants to have twins. Fortunately, Amy’s years of chemical craziness probably sent her eggs packing long ago. We can only hope.

Hulk Hogan “Understands” OJ Simpson, Considered Killing His Wife

Ex wrestler and reality tv fame-seeker Hulk Hogan told Rolling Stone that he “understood OJ Simpson” and considered killing his wife Linda! He says he “took the high road by not slitting Linda’s throat.” LAY OFF THE STEROIDS, Braniac! Hulk and Linda are embroiled in a nasty divorce, and now Linda is considering adding criminal complaints to the mix.

Linda says Hulk has been unfaithful for years, and that he has been violent. After their split, both Linda and Hulk hooked up with lovers – both friends of their children- who were barely out of high-school. Classy!

So, one of the ugliest divorces in Hollywood continues: Linda wants half of Hulk’s 10 million dollar estate AND half of all his future earnings! The battle is sure to get juicier. Snarkista doubts the judge will look kindly on Hulk’s confessions to Rolling Stone.

Phil Spector Found GUILTY Of Murder

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Jurors in L.A. found former hit-maker and full-time nutbag Phil Spector guilty today of second-degree murder in the 2003 shooting death of B-movie star Lana Clarkson. Spector, 69, could face life in prison when sentenced on May 29. This was Spector’s second judgment day in the case; in 2007, a jury deadlocked 10-2 in favor of convicting Spector.

At the second trial, just as in the first, prosecutors said Clarkson fell victim to a man who had a history of waving guns at, and acting violently toward women, especially when he’d been drinking. Spector’s defense contended Clarkson shot herself. This tale didn’t fool anyone this time. No word on whether Phil will be allowed to decorate his cell in the style he’s kept his mansion…namely “Early Elvis.”

Lindsay Lohan: “Everyone’s Turned On Me”

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Lindsay Lohan, queen of drama and leggings, had a major meltdown this weekend when she and her lezbud Samantha Ronson smacked each other up in public again. This time the fight led to a breakup and rumors of a RESTRAINING ORDER! SamRo changed the locks on the Hollywood Hills home she shared with Lindsay. Sam then hired five security guards to keep Lindsay out of an afterparty for Sams designer sister Charlotte at the Chateau Marmont. Li-Lo tearfully told US magazine that:

“It’s absolute hell. It was “the worst night of my life. I’m not a bad person and this is what happens. I was raised to treat people well, and I’m so tired of this drama.”

Lindsay even played the Mean Girls card! “I felt like I was in Mean Girls, but worse: Mean Girls was a movie.” Shameless plug!! Way to try and remind people that once upon a time you were an actress, girl. And puhleeze. You eat drama for breakfast, lunch and dinner, so don’t try to pull that shizz. Put the vodka bottle down you’ve been chugging on and take off for St. Lucia. Look what it did for Amy Winehouse! Er, scratch that. It’s still a lovely place- especially since Wino left.