Oops! Rob Lowe Is Really Unorganized!

Rob Lowe, who as we all know is suing a former nanny for allegedly violating a confidentiality agreement, now can’t find the document! Former Nanny Jessica Gibson, 24, denies ever signing such an agreement, and has asked the court to dismiss the lawsuit after one of Lowe’s attorneys admitted the document is “missing”! Holy filing clerk, somebody’s been trashing their work in “the master file” and billing ya for working! Sucks, huh!

“In effect, Ms. Gibson has been sued for breach of a nonexistent contract,” says her dismissal motion, filed Thursday in Santa Barbara, Calif. “The Lowes set out to punish Ms. Gibson … and intimidate any and all who might want to assert (their rights),” the motion says.

Lowe’s attorney Larry Stein would only say, “We’ll be responding to this in court, which is the appropriate way.” A source close to Rob insists that “Everyone who works for Rob knows that confidentiality agreements must be signed. There are plenty people who can verify that Jessica signed one. But after her employment ended, the papers went missing.” Righto! Line up all of Rob’s buddies to say they SAW Nanny Jessica sign something! GREAT strategy!!

On April 14, Gibson countersued Rob and his wife Sheryl for sexual harassment, claiming he groped her and exposed himself. On April 30, a second nanny, Laura Boyce, also filed suit for harassment. Remember way back when Rob was getting in trouble with a sex tape that showed Rob and an underage girl gettin’ busy? It looks like pretty boy hasn’t changed much. Seems the only lesson he learned was to look at some ID before unleashing his inner horndog.

The next hearing on the case is set for June 19. Better take another look through the files, Rob, and forgery ISN’T a great idea. Computers have a fun way of dating all kinds of shizz that you probably don’t know how to alter. Not that you would do that.

Lily Allen Hates Bambi

Lily Allen Bambi dress

I’m starting to get a little concerned about Lily Allen. She’s been through a lot, (miscarriage, breakups, bad bleach jobs). Lily seems to be hitting the sauce a bit too much, and has racked up a solid record for getting snogged at celebrity events. Her hangover posts on her Myspace warn the kiddies about how effin bad a hangover feels, and to cut off their drinking at that ethereal point where a hangover won’t be your companion for the next two days. Lily needs to take her own advice!

Sadly, all of this boozing and then falling down has impacted her fashion choices. Our girl used to wear cute, retro, swingy dresses. Here we have Lily in a retro, swingy dress with Bambi spurting blood all over it. Truly a Bjork moment, but sneakier ‘cuz you have to be closer to get the shock. What IS the thought process that went into designing THIS fabric? “It will be FIERCE, girl! White satin (the fabric devoid of forgiveness) splashed with an ebola-infected deer! It can squirt blood out of it’s chest, and have an innocent, yet WTF look on it’s face! It’s MAYJAH cutting edge! With extra cutting!”

Lily has her own clothing line, so it’s entirely possible she picked this out herself… while hammered. You know how things seem like a good idea when you’re buzzing like a chainsaw? And then you forget about them, or worse, wake up with them? I think Lily’s perpetual state of pickled kept her from forgeting about this PETA-provoking ensemble. Maybe it’s a gun control statement, or maybe Lily just hates venison. Lily had to be carried out of the “UK Glamor Women of the Year Awards” where she received the “Editor’s Special Award”… like the Special Olympics of Glamour. That’s one cheapasstic looking award, too – a plastic ruler mounted on a paperweight. DETOX TIME!

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Britney’s Black Bump Blanket

Oh, Brit. Honey- come on, now, are you knocked up? ‘Cuz you SURE look like you are, I saw you in a bikini the other day…I’m just sayin’. I hope you’re just REALLY tired in this picture and not hammered. Did your vaycay with Mel Gibson help at ALL?

Angelina Jolie wore this in beige the other night, and I must say that black IS the better choice. IF you’re gonna wear a MuMu. Angelina looked like the spawn of Humpty Dumpty and a patio umbrella. But honey, even though black is slimming and all, there’s only so much a color can do. Union rules, you know.

Boy Band Mogul Lou Perlman Gets 25 Years For Fraud

The Backstreet Boys and ‘N Sync’s svengali/exploiter Lou Perlman was sentenced to 25 years in prison today for defrauding investors and banks to the tune of $300 million dollars. For 20 years Perlman lured investors into placing millions of dollars into two companies that didn’t exist. Perlman faked financial statements to keep the curious at bay. For 20 YEARS!

Classy Perlman’s victims included his family and friends, and elderly people who lost their life savings in the scams. Naturally, the judge was quite unsympathetic towards Perlman, and slapped him with 25 years in the big house. Perlman tried to buy time because he’s launching a new European pop band called “US 5” in the United States and Asia! Judge doesn’t give a shiz about new boy bands. He’s also too smart to buy Lou’s snake oil about the “significant profits” US 5 would be earning which could be used to pay back his victims.

The Backstreet Boys and N’Sync both realized into their relationships with Perlman that he was cheating them blind, and have spoken in the past about their horrible experiences. It will be interesting to see if any of Lou’s former prodigies speak out about his upcoming great adventure.

Winehouse Momma Mouse

Here’s Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty cracked up inside a neon tube playing house with newborn mice. Those babies are SO glad their eyes aren’t open yet! “Put the shield up quick, mates! Something’s trying to burn through!” Amy thinks they have superpowers and can save her marriage. Pete’s nasty fingernails only add to the feel of fear for the babes; I don’t really want to think of where they may be right now.

DANG this clip makes me nervous! I’m afraid Pete or Amy will absentmindedly eat one of the tiny little guys. PETA needs to get up on Amy’s weave and BAN her from coming anywhere near animals! Tina Turner is so upset she’s BEGGING Amy to get help! Good luck with that, Tina. Bless your heart. Y’all be glad this clip’s not in Smellavision.