Victoria Beckham’s Beauty Secret? Bird Crap.

Former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham uses bird feces to keep her skin clear. Some cosmetic company is laughing all the way to the bank! Fashionista Posh credits the new $200 a jar Geisha Facials, a paste made from nightingale droppings, for improving her acne. Will it make her less shiny? If it does, maybe it’s worth it. Britain’s Closer magazine says:

“When Victoria was in Japan recently she was admiring the local women’s clear skin and discovered it was down to these facials. She was intrigued and when she got back to the US she found that some New York beauty salons now offer the treatment. She tried it and loved how great her skin looked. She also uses a cream derived from nightingale poo at home.”

Snarkista doesn’t care HOW good it may work, that is just nasty. Wonder how gorgeous hubby David feels about sleeping in the same bed with a face full of that shizz? Housekeeping!

Crimes Against Fashion: Victoria Beckham Edition

Behold David and Victoria Beckham at the Manhattan launch of their his and hers fragrances. 2,000 fans came out in the rain for this extremely important event. Becks looks fab, as usual, and thus is NOT a perpetrator of a Crime Against Fashion.

No, it’s Victoria, in $6,600 Antonio Berardi thigh-high latex boots with no heel. Yep, no heel. These have to be the fugliest boots Snarkista has ever seen, and are off the charts on the ridiculous-meter. Victoria’s designer pal Marc Jacobs started this insanity. Marc is ALWAYS doing something crazy. But other designers have now followed, and justify the absence of a heel by saying a heel is purely psychological, that the bigger than normal platform balances the heels. Right.

Unfortunately, the absence of a heel does NOT balance the idiotic look for the beholder. Snarkista would LOVE to see Posh walking in these. Her usual sourpuss face might be replaced with a look of terror!

photo credit: Grazia Fashion UK

Kelly Osbourne Gets A Bit Snippy About Posh And Peaches

Kelly Osbourne
has been keeping company with Jennifer Lopez (WTF?), and was seen recently with her at Fashion Week in New York. Apparently Kelly’s a bit jealous of J. Lo’s friendship with Victoria Beckham. Now THAT set of pals makes more sense. No matter, Kelly says that Posh was holding hands with Jennifer, but tells UK’s Heat magazine that:

“I know it’s not my place to say… but I’ve never seen two people pretend to like each other more in my life. They were holding hands, but it looked like Victoria was holding a s***ty bit of toilet paper!”

Victoria ALWAYS looks like she’s holding a s***ty piece of toilet paper! It’s her signature look, for cheezus sake! Snarkista thinks Kelly may have a bit of the green-eyed monster. Kelly also dissed British celebuwreck Peaches Geldof, saying that her recent quickie marriage to musician Max Drummey was just for attention. It sure got some attention from Peaches’ dad Sir Bob Geldof! Grumpy Bob, best known for his Live Aid efforts years ago, was NOT pleased by the sneaky nuptials.

Young Peaches gets plenty of attention from the UK press, as she is often out EXTREMELY hammered, and even O.D.d not long ago. Marrying a tatted-up musician she’d been dating for a very short time was just Peaches’ way of fixing a slow news week. Chill out, Kelly. Jennifer will drop you as soon as you refuse to be her nanny.

Victoria Beckham Needs A Bath

Horf! Victoria Beckham stepped out the other night with an undesirable accessory…filthy ears. Nasty! The Posh one IS usually pretty shiny and in dire need of powdering, but this is just nauseating.

Miz Becks also effed up her self-tanner and ended up looking like a creamsicle. Not the best look for the aspiring fashionista. Vicki? When the papz are snapping your EVERY move you’d best check it good before you step out. Q-tip PLEASE, and hurry!

photo source: UK Daily Mail

Katie Holmes Is Responsible For This

Snarkista was all set to blame Tom Cruise for this unfortunate getup Katie Holmes foisted on us at the Tropic Thunder premiere. It has since come to light that Katie HERSELF designed this fuggery, and even has plans for more! Is Posh-envy behind this new inclination to design? In all fairness, Katie may have taken the navy duct tape Tommy-Girl uses to keep her from running away, recycled it, and made her own statement about bondage. Screw wearing your jeans, Tom!

Victoria Beckham and Lauren Conrad: Designing Fakers

Lauren Conrad and Victoria Beckham now have something in common: they were both kicked out of Hollywood’s hottest boutique.

Earlier this year, Kitson owner Fraser Ross announced that he was dropping Vic’s dVb style collection because of lame sales and Posh’s refusal to make a promotional appearance. Now Lauren’s self-named collection of overpriced Targetstyle has suffered a similar fate, with Kitson’s press release that her lack of involvement has led to a lack of sales.

When the collection first came out it did really well because of all the hype surrounding it,” a Kitson rep has said. “But her people were never able to set a date for her to come to the store and as a result it didn’t sell.”

Lauren’s rep fired back that her collection has exceeded expectations and is in more than 500 stores, including Bloomingdale’s, Nordstrom, and Fred Segal. The rep also attempted damage control over rumors that Conrad isn’t the genius behind the brand that she claims to be.

Lauren designs the line from start to finish, doing everything from sketching to fabric selection to fitting the garments

When she’s not partying. However, a few key fashion insiders say that LC is more the “celebrity face” behind her label and that her Creative Director Sherry Wood (the designer for former fashion label Tart) is pretty much responsible for all those boring, girly garments.

Apparently, the majority of celebs with a fashion line have such crazy schedules that they do a bit of the work and front the collection, and Conrad is “no different.” Lauren was also reportedly heard telling pals at a Hollywood club recently that she “can’t even draw a sketch” after being asked for some advice from an aspiring fashion designer. Genius! LC’s too dumb to even keep her mouth shut!

LC apparently does drop by the sweatshop apparel mart where the clothes are made.“She generally stays for an hour or so when she comes,” an employee in the mart said. Anyone who has seen Posh and Lauren’s “collections” would give them at best a yawn, and then a YIKES at the pricetags! Girls, please. Lauren’s dresses all look like sacks, and Snarkista wouldn’t be caught dead with “DVB” on her ass.

Friday’s Fifteen Minutes

TGIF!!! Who’s dancin’ in the booth today for Friday’s Fifteen Minutes? Looks like the guys have it again this week! FFM gives z-listers a little press while they try to go for 20. This week’s featured “Z” is none other than Corey Haim! Corey’s pic is from last year when he declared himself BACK! Guess what…he ain’t back.

Corey is 36, and was teen heartthrob for about a year back in the ’80s. His other claim to fame is for being one effed up BAD druggie! He’s been trying to get back into Hollywood’s good graces oh, like, forever- and he’s at it again today! Corey’s learned a little from his past comeback attempts, so he’s letting us know that Victoria Beckham got a little freaky when they dated. Briefly. In 1995.

“I did date Victoria Beckham. When she kisses she does this funny thing. She does this gnaw thing. She liked to gnaw on my lip.”

Corey recalled the first time he met Posh and the other Spices at a London recording studio.

Five girls in these crazy outfits piled out of a car. They were like punk chicks, Sid Vicious chicks. They walked into the studio and I met Vic. Sniper eyes. It was my obligation as a man to hang out with her.

Sid Vicious chicks? SNIPER EYES? File those, intern Seacrest. Corey says they never officially split up. Posh has previously claimed the pair split after having a big ole fight because Corey was jealous of her crush on a boyband. Yeah, a whole band. Corey nonetheless elaborates to Bravo TV:

We never really split up. My brain wasn’t really functioning at the time. So she said she drove to my Hilton Hotel in Kensington and threw my clothes all over the road? Dude, I stayed at the Marriott not the Hilton! If that happened it doesn’t sound right. I was whispering in her ear and we were acting like soulmates. I wouldn’t expect a girl I was with to say she liked some other guys and then kick me out of her car. But if she said it I guess it must be real. She has never lied to me. I’m not happy to hear she cheated on me with some guy.

Dude, your brain STILL isn’t functioning right. You were staying at the Super 8. Sniper Eyes is gonna kick your door in tonight and give you a tracheotomy with her stilletto. And Corey? Vicki lied to you, bud. A bunch.