Can you just imagine what would have happened if this crazy snake smuggler had managed to get on board and either intentionally or accidentally loosed them in the cabin mid-flight? Holy Samuel Jackson! Motherf*$%in’ snakes on a motherf*$%in’ plane all over the place!

Thankfully, the man was caught by airport officials when an x-ray scan found “organic substances” inside his luggage. When the bag was opened, officials found hundreds of snakes, lizards and other creatures packaged in clear containers — including poisonous varieties!

Two of the noxious creatures were reportedly deceased when the bag was opened due to lack of oxygen. Some of the animals were rare and under legal protection. The authorities believe the man may have been connected to a smuggling ring for exotic species. The man will now face up to ten years in prison for his failed smuggling attempt.

Hot Dog Eating Champion Takeru Kobayashi (Photo: Nate "Igor" Smith - Wikimedia Commons)

Takeru Kobayshi was not scheduled to compete in the contest due to some kind of rumored contract dispute. Not wanting to be left out of the action apaprently, Kobayshi rushed the stage after competitor Joey Chestnut won the competition. Police quickly grabbed him and hauled him away.

Kobayshi told reporters after court today he had “no regrets at all” over his actions at the Nathan’s International Hot Dog Eating Contest. According to his lawyer, the judge in the case “basically dismissed” all charges, leaving Kobayshi to get back to work trying to explode his stomach on a regular basis.

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Touchdown Jesus statue in Monroe, Ohio (Drust/Flickr)

Church officials announced Tuesday they plan to resurrect the statue, nicknamed Touchdown Jesus because of the statue’s odd pose. The giant Jesus statue, also known as Big Butter Jesus for its creamy color, has stood as a regional landmark in Monroe, Ohio along interstate 74 just north of Cincinnati since 2004.

According to Monroe police, lightning appears to have struck the right hand of the giant Touchdown Jesus statue, sparking a fire that rapidly consumed the Styrofoam and fiberglass structure. (Watch video of the Touchdown Jesus fire here.)

While some may not find this all that amusing, we couldn’t help but laugh at a portion of the 911 calls over the Touchdown Jesus fire.

Caller: Reports a “bolt of lightning” has hit the statue.

Dispatcher: “Jesus is on fire”

Caller: “I swear to God, this not a prank … I am serious. I just saw it get struck by lightning.”

Dispatcher: “I believe you.”

Caller: “I know it’s not funny, but literally his one hand is on fire.”

Another Caller: “Lightning hit the touchdown Jesus monument, it’s flaming.”

People from all over the world have reportedly been calling the Solid Rock Church in Ohio about the Touchdown Jesus fire. We’re pretty sure they won’t have too hard of a time raising funds to get him rebuilt pronto.

>> Previously:  Weird News: Giant Ohio Touchdown Jesus Statue Destroyed by Lightning

Touchdown Jesus statue in Monroe, Ohio (Solid Rock Church)

The Touchdown Jesus Statue is officially dubbed King of Kings but earned its nickname due to the somewhat odd pose of the Christ figure’s arms – upraised like a referee signaling a football touchdown. The statue is also sometimes referred to as the Big Butter Jesus due to its color and the song about it by comedian Heywood Banks.

Some other nicknames for the Ohio Jesus statue include Giant Jesus, 8-Ball Jesus, Big J, Super Jesus, MC 62-Foot Jesus, Drowning Jesus, Quicksand Jesus, Swamp Jesus.

Lightning reportedly struck the statue Monday night, sparking a fire that consumed the Styrofoam and fiberglass structure. All that remains is part of the statue’s metal frame. The aftermath of the lightning fire has also sparked a new nickname for the statue – Terminator Jesus.

The fire spread from the statue to a nearby amphitheater and caused minor damage but no one was injured. The statue, which was totally destroyed, originally cost about $250,000 to build.

The Touchdown Jesus Ohio statue, located just north of Cincinnati along Interstate 75, was one of the best known landmarks in southwest Ohio. No word yet on whether the church plans to rebuild the giant Jesus.

>> Update:  Giant Ohio Touchdown Jesus Statue Will Be Rebuilt

Phillies fan Susan Finkelstein, 43, apparently decided to post an ad on Craigslist.org seeking two World Series tickets – “Price negotiable”.  Describing herself as a “Diehard Phillies fan — gorgeous tall buxom blonde,” Finkelstein added that she is “the creative type! Maybe we can help each other.” By the way, serious exaggeration in the description of yourself Susan, wow.

The cops quickly latched onto the posting and set up an undercover sting. (Never prostitute yourself for anything on Craigslist, they’re onto that folks.) In no time flat, Finkelstein was arrested for offering to perform sex acts on an undercover officer in exchange for the World Series tickets.

Susan Finkelstein was charged with soliciting prostitution and released pending a future court date.

Now that’s some serious dedication to your team!