Lauren Conrad Out-Bitches The Bitches

Last night, designers and celeb dog owners got together in NYC for the 2008 Paws for Style event, benefiting the NY Humane Society. “The Hills” star-turned-designer Lauren Conrad was scheduled to walk the runway, but backed out at the last minute, refusing to go onstage!

LC arrived WITHOUT a dog, but apparently borrowed one so she wouldn’t look like a dumbass walking the press line before the show. She gave interviews, and natch posed on the red carpet, then completely SPAZZED.

Some in attendance spotted her crying backstage. Maybe Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were on the front row sticking their tongues out. OR, maybe it has something to do with retailer Kitson dropping her clothing line! Doesn’t matter. The MC of the show, obviously NOT a fan of Lauren’s, told the audience…

“Those reality stars can be such temperamental bitches.”

No joke. LC was reportedly paid $20,000 to show up and walk the runway at the event. All of it was paid for by the Humane Society. Classy! It’s one thing to get paid by a club to show up and hang out, and it’s another thing to rip off a charity.
Wendy Diamond, the editor in chief of Animal Fair said:

100 percent of the proceeds from Paws For Style go to the Humane Society of New York, we do not take a penny. If anyone would like to help make up for this costly mishap, please call the Humane Society of New York at (212) 752-4842 or visit their website: http://www.humanesocietyny.org/.

It sucks to have to pick up LC’s tab! As an animal lover, however, Snarkista’s gonna toss a few bucks their way. Here’s hoping Miss Conrad will return the 20K she OBVIOUSLY owes the society. Maybe they can cancel the check.

photo credit: WENN

Crappywood


Oh, FAB! Finally the showbook for Heidi Montag’s fall collection for her Heidiwood line has arrived! It’s called her “Club Collection”, club here meaning bars, not country clubs. Heidi couldn’t fake her way into a country club if her life depended upon it; it’s impossible to overcome the class and intelligence deficit up in that clueless Barbie. Heidi’s brain would start smoking and then she’d pull a Stepford wife meltdown.

All the skankfits have insufferable names that only Heidi and Spencer could have picked out like “Hoodiewood” for the hoodie outfit. Heidi apparently feels that dark, skinny pants are still hot, and all a girl needs to be a star! Sayeth Montard on the look called “Signature Required”:

“All you need is Heidi’s signature for your VIP entrance…in this black denim jacket and overdyed black skinnies.”

Heidi’s a VIP alright, a Vapid, Ignorant, Putz. Don’t wanna go anywhere that Heidi’s signature is considered currency. Snarkista’s declaring the whole mess Crappywood, and then alerting the thrift store.

photo credits Ten Gossip

Big Brooke Hogan Wants To Knock You Out

Big Brooke Hogan made an appearance at Mansion nightclub in Miami over the weekend for the premiere of her new TV show Brooke Knows Best. Brooke performed Trannycat-style with her all-girl back-up band The Knockouts.

Quite a set of fluffy girls with PLENTY of junk in the trunk! Brooke’s the one in the sparkly red panties and the black corset that’s desperately trying to hang on. She’s also rockin’ the Michael Jackson “one-glove”. This is pretty much soft-core wrestle-porn.

Here’s Brooke skanking it up while daddy Hulk watches! Horf!!

Friday’s Fifteen Minutes

Friday! Yessss!! Time for Friday’s Fifteen Minutes, where z-listers get some press while they try to go for 20! Workin’ the pole today is Christopher Ciccone, Madonna’s leach brother-turned author! Now we all know the Madge machine is working overtime because of that Sticky and Sweet thing she’s got coming up. Snarkista’s not completely convinced that Chris isn’t part of Madonna’s evil PR plan. But she’ll play along and assume his new “tell-all” book about Madge is just about the money. For Chris. So he can get his freaky vampire teeth fixed.

Assume Snarkista would add “WTF?” after all of these, but actually doing so would get pretty boring. So…here’s some of the mud Christopher’s gonna sling at Madonna in his attempted literary coup de grâce :

*Warren Beatty went through her trash to find out if she was cheating on him. Mr. “You’re So Vain” was worried about someone cheating on HIM? Ahahahaha! Sorry. Back to the mud.

*She keeps a huge portrait of herself in bondage gear laying on a bed with dead animals in full view of the kids. PETA could probably go either way on this one.

* When Sean Penn was married to Madge, he made Chris cut his thumb and then cut his own and merged them to become blood brothers. Penn approached him years later and asked him if he had AIDS. Holy 3rd grade, diplomatico. Penn would SO do this. Back to the willing suspension of disbelief.

*Madonna considered letting Dennis Rodman and some dude from Melrose Place (not the show, the bad part of town) impregnate her, but then jumped on Carlos Leon when she met him in Central Park. Chris says she was concerned about his intelligence. Poor Lourdes.

*Guy Ritchie is a homophobe. This would explain SO effin’ much. Like sticking close to Vadge’s money while she raunches around with Brit-Brit.

*Madonna’s marriage is plagued by explosive fights and is held together only by a trusted rabbi who makes house calls. That poor guy must have his own room at the crib, ‘cuz why leave when you KNOW Madge is gonna be blowing up your phone!

Hopefully Chrissy’s rag has more great dirt like this shizz, someone will read it and tell Snarkista the good parts. Clock’s ticking, Chris!
UPDATE: Here’s quite a long excerpt from Chrissy’s book!

Brooke Hogan’s New Lameass Show- The Video

Maybe Brooke IS the Hogan who knows best… Hulk and Linda have been acting about 13 lately, and Speed Racer’s off playing drop the soap. But how’s Brooke gonna pay for her pad and bling and shizz? Her new show, starting Sunday- duh! Let’s hope she’ll have some friends!

Friday’s Fifteen Minutes

Marla Maples

It’s Friday! AND the Fourth of July!! What better time for a red, white and blue Friday’s Fifteen Minutes, where z-listers get some press while they try to go for twenty! The boys have been on a roll, but fear not…Ms. Marla Maples is at bat for the other team this week! The former Mrs. Donald Trump has been frolicking lately in a variety of bikinis, with no discernible reason other than someone has been taking her pictures!

Marla was Mrs. Trump between Ivana and Melania; she trolloped her way into the gilded palace of tackydom, got knocked up, and then flounced on out. She’s laid pretty low ever since, but for some reason she’s back. So… good luck to Marla with whatever she’s attempting; let’s hope it’s not an album or a sex tape. Happy Independence Day! And Marla? The clock is ticking!