Tom Cruise Wants To Marry David Beckham. Oh, And Posh Too.

This is NOT gonna help squelch those “Tom Cruise is gay” rumors! Tommy-girl is a certifiable freak. Australia’s Live News says that he gave David and Victoria Beckham a truly bizarre Thanksgiving present…a pseudo-wedding between him, David, Katie and Posh. WTF?! Who the hell gives Thanksgiving presents anyways? Sneaky Scientologists, that’s who! Tommy’s been trying to lure Posh and Becks into the alien corps forever, and now he’s cemented the title of Chief Nutbag.

Reportedly, at some point next year, Tom & Katie will hold a ceremony during which both the Cruises and the Beckhams will “vow to be brothers and sisters and exchange heartfelt speeches.” A source tells the site, “Tom wanted to make a special gesture that would show how much he appreciates their friendship and he thought this would be the perfect way.” The joining will take place at Katie’s New York hideout townhouse.

Tommy wants to make a “special gesture” towards Becks, alright, and besides- you KNOW this has to be some kind of Scientology trap! Don’t walk down the aisle, Beckhams! Wrap that turkey of a Thanksgiving gift back up and give it to Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz. They’ll be ALL for it, (especially Pete) and Papa Joe can sell the wedding pics! Bonus!