Look Both Ways, NYC!

Heads up, New York City, today may be one crazy-ass day. One of Britney Spear’s personalities is gonna be shooting a video for Madonna’s upcoming “Sticky and Sweet” tour. Hopefully Madonna’s drivers won’t be the ones ferrying Brit-Brit around, ‘cuz somebody’s gonna get pancaked if they are! Madonna’s rep Liz is probably on I.V. Xanax right now after all the Madonna shizz that hit the fan LAST week. Now she’s got Britney on her hands. Liz’s pact with the devil contract is looking pretty crappy right now.

A source close to Britney revealed told The Sun they are recording a video together on Sunday that will provide the backdrop for part of Madonna’s show. Giant big-screen Britney? There better be some Photoshop MASTERS working on that one, as Snarkista doubts she’s lost the cheeto-belly since last week.

Madge is apparently considering adding a few Britney appearances to her tour as well. Of course, the details are vague, leaving plenty of wiggle room for “cancellations” should Britney not convert to Kaballah, or decides to revisit Mexico with Adnan.

He’s back, you know. Probably up in A-Rod’s batting cage trying to score Britney some of the ‘roids Madge uses to keep her freaky arms pumped up. You KNOW that A-Rod shizz wasn’t about the sex, cuz Madonna’s about as sexy as a box of Depends. ‘Roids are the ONLY thing quick enough to shape up Britney in time to pop in on Madonna’s tour…’cuz that Bally’s gym deal just ain’t cuttin’ it!

Snarkista’s fave part of the story, however, is that Madge is gonna have a scene in her show where she’s MUMMIFIED! Easiest special effect EVER. Watch your steps today, Gotham City.

Signs Of The Apocalypse: Paris Hilton Edition

Okay all of you greedy actors, call off your effin’ strike threat RIGHT NOW, because THIS is the kind of shizz that will happen if you don’t. Paris Hilton has an idea. Crap! What FAB timing that bitch has!

According to a Paris pal, Wonky got her annual idea watching both Dina Lohan’s and Denise Richards’ new reality series. Her plan? A show like The View. Only with celebs doing the yammering. Only God or the Screen Actors Guild can save us now.

Imagine Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, The Olsen Trolls, Tori Spelling…as well as skanky Denise, White Oprah Lohan and Nicole Richie along with whomever else they can scrape out of Hyde- together in one big shizstorm sharing ”their side” of what it’s like to be THEM. With Paris wearing a tiara. Bravo and Lifetime both have sniffed at the bait.

Snarkista doesn’t give a crap what it’s like to be them. She just wants them to keep it up so she can snark ’em! But a cluster of the insufferable, whining about the papz, is the last thing even SHE wants to see on TV. Please, for the sake of all that is holy, ACCEPT THE EFFIN’ OFFER ON THE TABLE, SAGGIES, and lets get on with the REAL acting.

Great. Snarkista’s got the damn sparkles. Here comes a giant migraine.

Jamie Lynn Spears Welcomes Maddie Briann

Baby Spears is a momma! Jamie Lynn had a C-Section this morning at approximately 8:30 am central at Southwest Regional Medical Center in McComb, MS., and is reportedly resting well. The baby girl has been named Maddie Briann, her middle name probably in honor of Jamie Lynn and Britney’s brother Brian. Maddie weighs 7 pounds, 11 ounces. Her father is Casey Aldridge. Welcome to the world, little one.

Jamie-Lynn Spears Is About To Pop

And from the looks of things, Brit-Brit is jealous of Jamie-Lynn’s preggy bod! Reports say Britney’s firing up the jet today and is about to hookem to Mississippi for the baby-poppin’. Brit honey, I’ve said it before, you REALLY, REALLY look knocked-up! Unless that’s one bigass cheeto bag you’re smuggling.

I don’t think you’re gonna be able to pull off one of those “I didn’t even know I was pregnant!” stories, Britney. Ah-HAH! You’re planning to hibernate down in the swamp with sissy awhile and make it LOOK like she had twins! Girl, you are one sneaky blonde.

UPDATE: The Enquirer online is reporting that:

Doctors are preparing to induce labor for Jamie Lynn Spears in the next 24 to 48 hours due to complications in the pregnancy, insiders told The ENQUIRER.
The 17 year-old star of Zoey 101 had an ultrasound last week, indicating her baby may be in breech position..Britney and her father Jamie left Los Angeles Wednesday morning on a commercial flight to join Jamie Lynn.

Earlier tests showed the baby is a girl. Jamie Lynn and Casey plan to name their new baby a combination of both their names – Cailynn or Cassie. Dang…I was bettin’ on Jaiylbait.

Fake Paparazzi’s Britney Spears Tell-All

Journalistic GIANT Life & Style is touting an exclusive interview with investigative journalist Ian Halperin. Ian spent 18 months undercover as a photographer to get close to Britney Spears. Halperin says she tried twice to kill herself: “The suicide attempts are true. I know all the details about both of them.”

Halperin has written celebrity books before. He’s “exposed” Celine Dion, James Taylor and has written 2 books on the late Kurt Cobain. He won the prestigious Rolling Stone’s award for investigative journalism, is a contributor on 60 minutes 2, and he’s also also a regular on Court TV! Dang! I’m pretty sure Britney doesn’t read OR watch news shows, but you’d think she’d have recognized him on Court TV. That’s how she studied up for court, y’all! Every day!

Halperin apparently has been fooling Britney into thinking he’s one of the papz up until last month. He’s been hangin’ on her since November 2006. Deep undercover, baby. That means he was fooling the papz too! I wonder what kind of accent he used? Was he buds with Adnan? Did Britney ever run him over? The book should tell all.

Halperin also claims he saw Britney using drugs. Shock. Ian says

“I partied with her and was able to really monitor what type of stuff she was using. It’s very concerning.”

Yeah, I bet he was monitoring that shizz REAL closely. From the inside of his nose.

Halperin says that fake manager and cell-phone hider Sam (Osama) Lufti, her mom, dad and handlers are all “sleazy and destructive”. Not like the papz, though- right Ian? The papz love Britney more than Chris Crocker does! More than Britney loves Cheetos! Ian’s about to love Britney all the way to the bank.