Annie Leibovitz, Vogue, Hate Sarah Jessica Parker

As you probably know, there is a new Sex And The City movie. The flick has been LONG awaited by millions of die-hard fans. It’s been on-again, off-again for what seems like a decade. Many of you, no doubt, have seen pics from the London opening- featuring Sarah Jessica Parker wearing a green hat from the Dr. Seuss: Seussical In the Poconos Collection. Sadly, this latest round of SATC fug did not stop at the premiere.

Vogue Magazine’s June 2008 issue features SJP on the cover, as lensed by Annie Leibovitz- fresh from her Miley Cyrus punk over at Vanity Fair. Anna Wintour, Vogue’s editrix royale, is deadly serious about her important fashion AND the bottom line. What an irresistible convergence a Sex And The City themed spread must have been! Sarah Jessica’s ALL about important fashion too! Anna knows the issue should sell well, so I think she took the chance to take SJP down a smidge- just to remind her who’s the ultimate queen of couture!

Sarah Jessica’s portraying a 40 year old bride in the shoot, and “Mr. Big”, Chris Noth, is in it as well. Mr. Big is trying to sit on SJP’s shoulders in the cover shot, and as Chris IS big, and SJP is tiny- the look of gasping pain on her face is understandable. She looks like she just got kidney-punched. “And…Snap! We’ve got it!” (Leibovitz, still grasping for controversy.)

Ooooh, I can just picture Anna Wintour now, perusing the proofs- looking for just the right one. “This is it. We’ll put the clean-water scare where it looks like that’s what SJP is gasping about. Clean water IS important to readers, I’m sure. Put the Sex And the City hook over the bony arm Chris ISN’T crushing, and make it big enough to hide those heinous extensions Ken Paves gave us. Those are too cruel even for me. And NO PHOTOSHOPPING! I want her to LOOK 50. That’s the story, right? She’s a 50 year old bride? Oh…40? That’s what I said. It’s perfect.”

John, Jen and Jilted Jessica

Let’s hope Tony Romo has better timing calling plays on the field than he did calling OFF his relationship with Jessica Simpson! Tony picked the same weekend that Jess’s ex John Mayer and Jennifer Anniston decided to go public with their romance at Jennifer’s Marley and Me cast party. Perfect!

Tony humiliated Jess while partying in Chicago with his buds, and signaled their romance was busted. He put her on speaker phone and let her make a fool of herself for all to hear. After John, Jen and Tony- Jessica decided she’d start drinking too.

Poor Jess got plastered, according to US magazine, after a 4-hour binge at L.A.’s Mexicali Cocina Cantina. She was drowning her sorrows with best bud Cacee Cobb and her man Donald Faison, and got so drunk she had to call mom to pick her up. Cacee was so conked she barfed under the table! Oy. Not a great week to be Jessica. We’ll see if her reported “hex” powers work from afar when football season starts again in August!

Morning Sickness

Because you asked, here’s some pictoral evidence on the latest possible Spears family pregnancy. Warning: use caution before you read any further, as it is still morning and YOU don’t want to get morning sickness. Here’s our daffy Britney on her patio the other day. Preggers? Sure looks like it.

Lots of “who’s the daddy” speculation going on! Despite daily gym and dance workouts, Britney looks alot more than a few weeks along. Nice touch with the smoking and ass grab!

Poll: Whose Pregnancy Rumors Are You Over?

Okay, so today we had even MORE possible celeb pregnancy rumors; in addition to the wall-to-wall Ashlee Simpson, we also had Beyonce and Britney(gasp) said to be in the family way. I will have to resist giving myself Pete Wentz’s haircut if I hear any more about Ashlee and the shotgun wedding. But Beyonce? Or BRITNEY? There are some Brit-Brit pics out that look pretty preggy. Holy Adnan, say it ain’t so. So tell me- whose pregnancy rumors bore you the most? Or, just make you really tired?

Anne Hathaway Could Do SO Much Better!

WHY is lovely Anne Hathaway sticking with her bad-boy boyfriend Raffaello Follieri? Follieri has BIG financial scandal baggage, the latest being his arrest last month for writing a $215,000 hot check. Manhattan DA’s dropped the charges yesterday after Follieri reimbursed the funds to New Jersey businessman John Morrongiello. Boyfriend has been in the U.S. less than 4 years, but is obviously a fast mover! Follieri had to agree to settle another 1.3 million dollar lawsuit last month!

Anne! SNAP OUT OF IT! Whatever issues you have with your mom, dad, old boyfriends, teachers, yada yada- that are compelling you to rebel with shady Eurotrash- get over ’em! “The Princess Diaries” are not about Princess Stephanie of Monaco! You need to Audrey Hep back up fast. This guy’s gonna steal you blind.

You have great taste, and rarely trip up on the red carpet. Get ahold of yourself and slip out of his greasy grasp! Hollywood needs you to balance out Paris and Bai Ling! Put your tiara on and write him off as “wild oats”. Call Julie Andrews if you have to.